“She’s been lying about it for years,” Jon said. “I didn’t know. I bet Mom didn’t know, or Dad, or Matt. You didn’t know at first, either, did you? Miranda told you right before we got to Sexton. That’s why you went to Texas.”
Alex nodded. “Miranda said she’d tell your folks if I wanted her to, but I said no. I told Carlos, and that was it until Carlos told you. I assume you haven’t told Miranda that you know?”
Jon shook his head. “I hated her,” he said. “For killing Julie and for not telling me. I’ve felt like Julie dying was all my fault, but it wasn’t. It was Miranda’s.”
“It was all our faults,” Alex said. “Certainly mine. Mine more than anyone else’s. I’d told Miranda about the pills, how to use them. My sister Bri had died alone, as alone as a person could be. Julie and I found her. I couldn’t protect either of them. But I swore Julie wouldn’t die that way, that she would never suffer the way Bri had.”
“Miranda didn’t have to do it,” Jon said.
“She was afraid I was dead,” Alex said. “She did what she knew I would have done. Then I came back and she was afraid of how I’d react if I knew the truth. If I hadn’t pressed her so hard to marry me, she would have kept it to herself. But she felt she couldn’t marry me if I didn’t know.”
“And you left her,” Jon said. “As soon as you heard.”
“I was going to go to Texas anyway,” Alex said. “I had to tell Carlos about Julie. I thought I’d go to Texas, tell Carlos, and kill myself.”
“But you didn’t,” Jon said. “You told Carlos and came back and married Miranda.”
Alex nodded. “I told Carlos what Miranda had done. He asked if I would have done it if I’d been there. I said I hoped I would’ve had the courage to. Carlos laughed. He said I never would’ve had the courage. It was amazing that Miranda wanted anything to do with me, and if I had half a brain, which he doubted, I’d go back and marry her and let her get me through life, since I obviously couldn’t do it on my own. All of which was true. That night I realized I couldn’t kill myself. I couldn’t do it to Miranda. I felt an enormous guilt about Julie, but so did Miranda, and she’d had the courage to be with Julie to the very end so that Julie wouldn’t die alone. If I killed myself, Miranda would feel she’d killed me by telling me the truth. And I loved Miranda. How could I do that to her when she had done so much for me?”
“So you went back and married her,” Jon said. “Happy ending.”
“You can hate her,” Alex said. “You can hate me. Maybe you hate yourself, and you need to hate us, too. I don’t know. What I do know is you don’t have a lot, Jon. Yeah, you have a nice bedroom in a nice house, and you have a half brother and a stepmother, and they both love you. Sarah’s nice and you have her until you screw it up and lose her. What else do you have, Jon? No parents. Julie’s dead. You see Matt twice a year if you’re lucky. You want to cut Miranda and me out of your life? Is that going to make you feel better?”
Jon sat absolutely still.
Alex glanced at the clock. “I have to get going,” he said. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Laura, how much she meant to me, but there’s something else. Miranda and I will be leaving as soon as the baby’s born. Don’t tell anyone, especially not Lisa. I know she wants Miranda here, but it’s not going to happen. Miranda and I made the decision after Carlos told us he’d lost the money. Laura told us to go, that she’d stay in White Birch as long as you were in Sexton. So this isn’t because of her death, and it has nothing to do with you or how you feel about Miranda and me. It’s what’s best for us and the baby. We’ll make it to Matt’s somehow, and he’ll get us to that town he told us about. You can come, too, anytime you want. You’ll always have a home with us. We’re family. Like it or not, you’re stuck with us.”
Jon stood up with him. To his surprise, Alex embraced him.
“You take care,” Alex said. “You’re my brother, Jon, and I love you.”
Jon listened as Alex walked downstairs and apologized to Dr. Goldman for taking so long. He heard the door close and the car drive away.
Only then, only when he knew with absolute certainty that he was alone, did Jon begin to cry, four years of grief and anger and guilt flowing out of him. But even as he cried, he knew that when the tears stopped, the grief and anger and guilt would still remain. Like it or not, they were family.
After church Jon was asked by most of the people he knew why he hadn’t been to Zachary’s or Tyler’s funerals.
He told them the truth, that his mother had died. After four years of deaths no one asked how or when. They simply heard the answer, said they were sorry, and moved on.
Lisa had just come downstairs from putting Gabe to bed for his nap when the doorbell rang. Jon was surprised, but Lisa didn’t seem to be. She opened the door and let a girl in.
“This is Ruby,” she said to Jon. “Ruby, I understand you didn’t know better, but from now on use the back door.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said.
Jon stared at her. She was a kid: two, three years younger than him. Even if Lisa hadn’t told her about the back door, Jon would have known she was a grub.
“Ruby, this is Mr. Jon,” Lisa said. “My stepson. He lives here. My son, Gabe, is upstairs napping. You’ll meet him later. He’s only three, so you don’t have to call him Mr. Gabe.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said. She gave Jon a shy smile. He didn’t smile back.
“Carrie is no longer working for us,” Lisa declared. “She’ll be going to a new family tomorrow. Ruby is our domestic now. She’ll be doing all the work until Miranda comes, and then Miranda will help her.”
“Lisa, I have to talk to you,” Jon said. “Alone.”
“All right,” Lisa said. “Ruby, put your bag in your bedroom, the little room next to the kitchen. Yes, down the hallway. After you unpack, I’ll show you around the house, tell you what you’ll be doing. Tonight I’ll help you cook supper, but after that you’ll be expected to do it on your own.”
“Yes ma’am,” Ruby said. “Thank you, ma’am.” She left the room, carrying her little bag with her.
“I don’t understand,” Jon whispered angrily. “Where’s Carrie? What’s going on?”
“Jon, please,” Lisa said. “You think I like this? I was told another family, a more important one, needed a nursemaid, and it would set a good example if I let them have Carrie. I said that would leave me with no help until Miranda had her baby, that someone had to be here to take care of Gabe and clean the house.”
“And this is what they sent you?” Jon asked. “How old is she?”
“I don’t know,” Lisa said. “Fifteen maybe. She’s one of the high school kids from White Birch.”
“The ones Mom died for?” Jon shouted.
“Quiet,” Lisa said. “Yes, the ones she died for, if you want to put it that way. What was my alternative? Quit my job? Well, then we’re out of Sexton and Ruby would be working for a family here regardless. I need you to help me on this, Jon. Ruby’s had less than a week of training. I don’t want you cleaning floors for her, but try to be nice. Spend as much time as you can with Gabe. This is going to be hardest on him, losing Val and Carrie both. All right? Make the best of a bad situation. That’s all I’m asking.”
“This makes me sick,” Jon said.
“Fine,” Lisa said. “Be sick. Things are bad, Jon. Just don’t make them worse.”
Jon hadn’t looked forward to school, but it was better than staying home and trying to avoid Ruby. Gabe was used to Carrie being gone on Sundays, but Jon didn’t relish being there when he found Ruby in her place.