Lunch
2.3.03.01.006: Juggling shall not be practiced after 4:00 p.m.
“The annual boys-versus-girls hockeyball match was won this year by the boys, despite the disgraceful behavior by all concerned. The two captains have been justly punished, and Miss Ochre’s ear was saved, so no more will be said.”
DeMauve was giving his prelunch speech. We were all sitting attentively at our places, feeling hungry.
“Due to another highly regrettable but wholly unavoidable accidental death at the factory,” he continued, “the average age of the village has risen above safe parameters. Because of this, we have licensed an extra conception certificate to be taken up forthwith. All eligible parties should contact Mr. Turquoise for consideration at tomorrow’s Council meeting.”
There was a murmuring among the villagers about this, mostly from the Grey end of the room, as a hastened Grey worker usually required a Grey birth to replace it. There was even an audible “Hoorah!”
“Right,” said deMauve, consulting a sheet of printed paper. “As of this morning we have a volunteer to lead the High Saffron expedition. His name is Edward Russett, and considering that he is visitor, he has shown considerable pluck and fortitude to have stepped forward, a selfless act that I think should be an example to you all.”
He paused, expecting a flurry of voices goaded into action by his words, but there were none. If worse came to worst, I would be on my own.
“Moreover, we have decided to increase the expedition payment to two hundred merits.”
Still silence.
“Then I’ll leave it up to your own conscience,” said deMauve, faintly annoyed. “Now, against my better judgment and well-argued wishes, the High Saffron expedition will take place . . . tomorrow! ”
He glared at both Gamboge and Yewberry as he said it, and my heart fell. Tomorrow was the day before my Ishihara. I should have seen it coming. Yewberry didn’t want to lose his position, and Mrs.
Gamboge, no fan of Edward Russett, would fondly like to see the back of me long before I even took my seat on the Council. The sooner I was out of the picture, the better for both of them. The implication wasn’t missed on Tommo, who gave a low curse over his potential lost commission, and I saw Dad shake his head sadly. Myself, I felt a sudden sinking feeling as the full inevitability of what I had agreed to do settled in my stomach like an anvil.
“So for reasons that I won’t trouble you with,” added deMauve, “I am personally willing to add three hundred merits to the two hundred already offered—on condition that the team leader is returned safely, alive and in one piece.”
“I will add two hundred more to that!” said my father. He was breaching protocol, but no one minded.
Despite the Rules against talk, there was a lot of murmuring. DeMauve, sensing that a fair hand would be better than a firm one, let everyone chatter for a couple of minutes before waving us all to be quiet. Seven hundred merits. For a single day’s work. It was unprecedented stuff. But not, it seemed, unprecedented enough. The number of arms that shot upward was as close to zero as it could possibly be.
“Very well,” said deMauve, visibly angry. “If anyone changes his mind, he can contact me directly.”
He looked around before continuing.
“Russett, you are to present yourself for a briefing with Mr. Yewberry straight after lunch. You’ll leave with Mr. Fandango at first sight tomorrow morning. Now, today’s reading will be from Munsell’s . . .”
The talk was fortunately a lot shorter this time, and was mostly about working together in strict harmony, and respecting the Colortocracy that our bestowals had decreed, and how anyone might, through hard work and strict adherence to the Rules, ensure that his future progeny might move up the ladder by using his well-earned merits to ensure a better marriage for his children. And so on and so forth. I wasn’t paying much attention. I was thinking about going to High Saffron and cursing my own impetuousness.
DeMauve finished his reading, tacked a bit onto the end about how we should be thankful that no one was permanently injured during the boys-versus-girls hockeyball match, and announced that we could all eat.
There was silence at our table, and everyone avoided looking at me.
“Well,” said Doug, finally breaking the silence, “you’ll come back, Eddie. It’ll be fine.”
“I agree,” said Tommo with a more confident air, “but not from a hopelessly optimistic viewpoint, more simply because you’re too valuable for the deMauves to lose.”
This was possibly true, but I didn’t see how they could guarantee my safety. Once beyond the Outer Markers, I was on my own. The others nodded their heads, but I could see they weren’t confident of my chances. But since the matter had been raised and dealt with, the conversation was ready to move on. I was just like one of those people who dropped in on their way to Reboot. There, then not.
“So,” remarked Daisy, who was in possession of one of the biggest bruises I had ever seen, “how stuffed did you get over the match?”
I told them the punishments Violet and I had been given.
“She only got a hundred for your two hundred?” said Lucy. “That hardly seems fair.”
“She’s a deMauve,” said Tommo. “I didn’t expect her to get any. How is your ear, by the way?”
“A bit sore,” she replied, touching it gingerly. The offending article was purple and very swollen, but had a fine row of my father’s most delicate stitches around it. “Matron told me to listen through the other for a couple of days until it got better.”
“Any idea who did it?” asked Doug, who had a split lip to match his bruise.
“It all happened so fast. But we could match the tooth marks, I suppose.”
“Hardly worth the trouble, surely?” said Tommo, a little too quickly to make me certain he’d had nothing to do with it. “After all, that’s the rough-and-tumble of hockeyball, eh?”
“By the way,” said Doug, “I must thank you for getting Violet off my back.”
There was sudden silence, and they all stared at me, waiting to see what my comment would be. Gossip travels at the speed of light in any village, and there couldn’t have been many people who didn’t know of Violet’s sudden change of allegiance. My opinion of it was as likely as not the biggest question on everyone’s lips.
“It’s not going to happen,” I said with a dramatic air of finality, “even if I do come back.”
“Violet can be very persuasive,” remarked Daisy, “and she’s used to getting her own way.”
“There is a downside to the whole Russett-deMauve marriage,” said Tommo, who hadn’t spoken for a while.
“You see?” I said.
“It’s thrown my entire marriage fantasy league into disarray. With Doug now available for the first time in six years, I’m going to have to completely restructure the league from the bottom up.”
It wasn’t the sort of “downside” I had in mind.
“Unless,” added Tommo, snapping his fingers, “Doug, would you do me a tremendous favor and declare yourself? It would save a huge amount of paperwork.”
“I’ll second that,” said Arnold, giving Doug a wink.
“What’s with the LIAR badge?” asked Daisy, who was the first to notice. I had skillfully obscured it behind my Red Spot.
“He may have inadvertently exaggerated his viewing of the rabbit,” declared Tommo in a voice tinged with glee.