CHAPTER 19
Lissa had been my best friend ever since elementary school, which was why keeping so many secrets from her lately had hurt so much. She was always open with me, always willing to share what was on her mind—but then, maybe that was because she had no choice. I used to be that way with her, yet at some point, I'd started locking my secrets in, unable to tell her about Dimitri or the real reason I'd messed up with Stan. I hated it being that way. It ate me up inside and made me feel guilty around her.
Today, however, there was absolutely no way I could wiggle out of explaining what had happened at the airport. Even if I made up something, the fact that I was on half-time with Christian would be a huge tip-off that something was going on. No excuses this time.
So, as much as it hurt, I gave her and Christian—as well as Eddie and Adrian, who were hanging around—the short version of what had happened.
"You think you saw ghosts?" Christian exclaimed. "Seriously?" The look on his face showed me that he was already building a list of snide comments to make.
"Look," I snapped, "I told you what was going on, but I don't want to elaborate on it. It's getting worked out, so just let it drop."
''Rose …" began Lissa uneasily. A hurricane of emotions was beating through to me from her. Fear. Concern. Shock. Her compassion made me feel that much worse.
I shook my head. "No, Liss. Please. You guys can think whatever you want about me or make up your own theories, but we're not going to talk about it. Not now. Just leave me alone about it."
I expected Lissa to badger me because of her normal persistence. I expected Adrian and Christian to because of their irritating natures. But even though my words had been simple, I realized I'd delivered them with a harshness both in voice and manner. It was Lissa's surprised mental reaction that alerted me to that, and then I needed only to look at the guys' faces to realize I must have sounded incredibly bitchy.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm just not in the mood."
Lissa eyed me. Later, she said in my mind. I gave her a brief nod, secretly wondering how I could avoid that conversation.
She and Adrian had met to practice magic again. I still liked being able to be close to her, but I was only able to do so because Christian was hanging around too. And honestly, I couldn't figure out why he stayed. I guess he was still a little jealous, despite everything that had happened. Of course, if he'd known about the queen's matchmaking schemes, he might have had good reason. Nonetheless, it was clear these magic lessons were starting to bore him. We were in Ms. Meissner's classroom today, and he pulled two desks together and stretched out across them, tossing an arm over his eyes.
"Wake me when it gets interesting," he said.
Eddie and I stood in a central position that let us watch the door and windows while also staying near the Moroi.
"You really saw Mason?" Eddie whispered to me. He turned sheepish. "Sorry…you said you didn't want to talk about it…"
I started to say yes, that was exactly what I'd said…but then I saw the look on Eddie's face. He wasn't asking me about this out of perverse curiosity. He asked because of Mason, because of their closeness, and because Eddie wasn't over his best friend's death any more than I was. I think he found the idea of Mason communicating from beyond the grave reassuring, but then, he hadn't been the one to actually see Mason's ghost.
"I think it was him," I murmured back. "I don't know. Everyone thinks I imagined it."
"How did he look? Was he upset?"
"He looked … sad. Really sad."
"If it was really him … I mean, I don't know." Eddie looked at the ground, momentarily forgetting to watch the room. "I've always wondered if he was upset that we didn't save him."
"There was nothing we could have done," I told him, reiterating exactly what everyone had told me. "But I wondered that too, because Father Andrew had mentioned that ghosts sometimes come back for revenge. But Mason didn't look that way. He just seemed like he wanted to tell me something."
Eddie looked back up suddenly, realizing he was still on guard duty. He didn't say anything else after that, but I knew where his thoughts were.
Meanwhile, Adrian and Lissa were making progress. Or rather, Adrian was. The two of them had dug up a bunch of scraggly plants that had died or gone dormant for the winter and put them in little pots. The pots were now lined up in a row on a long table. Lissa touched one, and I felt the euphoria of magic burn within her. A moment later, the scrappy little plant turned green and sprouted leaves.
Adrian stared hard at it, as though it held all the secrets of the universe, and then exhaled deeply. "Okay. Here goes nothing."
He lightly placed his fingers on a different plant. Here goes nothing might have been an accurate statement, because nothing actually happened. Then, a few moments later, the plant shuddered a little. A hint of green started to grow in it and then it stopped.
"You did it," said Lissa, impressed. I could also feel that she was a little jealous. Adrian had learned one of her tricks, but she still hadn't learned any of his.
"Hardly," he said, glaring at the plant. He was completely sober, with none of his vices to mellow him. Spirit had nothing to stop it from making him feel irritable. With our moods, we actually had something in common tonight. "Damn it."
"Are you kidding?" she asked. "It was great. You made a plant grow—with your mind. That's amazing."
"Not as good as you, though," he said, still sounding like he was ten years old.
I couldn't help but pipe in. "Then stop bitching and try again."
He glanced over at me, a smile twisting his lips. "Hey, no advice, Ghost Girl. Guardians should be seen and not heard." I flipped him off for the "Ghost Girl" comment, but he didn't notice because Lissa was talking to him again.
"She's right. Try it again."
"You do it one more time," he said. "I want to watch you…. I can kind of feel what you do to it."
She performed her trick on another plant. I again felt the magic flare up, as well as the joy that came with it—and then she faltered. A flash of fear and instability tinged the magic, smacking a little of when her mental state had deteriorated so badly. No, no, I begged silently. It's happening. I knew it would if she kept using the magic. Please don't let it happen again.
And like that, the dark spot within her magic went away. All of her thoughts and feelings returned to normal. I noticed then that she'd also made the plant grow. I'd missed it because I'd been distracted by her lapse. Adrian had missed the magic too because his eyes were on me. His expression was troubled and very, very confused.
"Okay," said Lissa happily. She didn't realize he hadn't paid attention. "Try again."
Adrian focused his attention back on their work. Sighing, he moved to a new plant, but she gestured him back. "No, keep working on the one you started. Maybe you can only do it in small bursts."
Nodding, he turned his attention to his original plant. For a few minutes, he just did nothing but stare. Silence reigned in the room. I'd never seen him so focused on anything, and sweat was actually forming on his forehead. Finally, at long last, the plant twitched again. It grew even greener, and tiny buds appeared on it. Glancing up at him, I saw him narrow his eyes and grit his teeth, no doubt concentrating for all he was worth. The buds burst. Leaves and tiny white flowers appeared.
Lissa made what could only be called a whoop of joy. "You did it!" She hugged him, and feelings of delight washed over me from her. She was sincerely happy that he'd been able to do it. And while she was still disappointed at her lack of progress, it inspired hope in her that he'd replicated her abilities. That meant they truly could learn from each other.