No, I realized. I couldn't tell her. Not yet—especially when it suddenly occurred to me that there was still something else big I needed to let her know about.
"I froze," I said finally. "It's stupid. I'd been so cocky about being able to take out anyone, and then Stan …" I shrugged. "I don't know. I just couldn't react. It… it's really embarrassing. And him of all people."
Lissa studied me intently, looking for any sign of dishonesty. It hurt to think that she'd mistrust me, except…well, I was actually lying. As I'd told Dimitri, though, I could be a good liar when I wanted to be. Lissa couldn't tell.
"I wish I could read your mind," she mused.
"Come on," I said. "You know me. Do you really think I'd do this? Abandon Christian and make myself look stupid on purpose just to get back at my teachers?"
"No," she said finally. "You'd probably do it in a way where you wouldn't get caught."
"Dimitri said the same thing," I grumbled. "I'm glad everyone has so much faith in me."
"We do," she countered. "That's why all of this is so weird."
"Even I make mistakes." I put on my brash, overconfident face. "I know it's hard to believe—kind of surprises me myself—but I guess it has to happen. It's probably some kind of karmic way to balance out the universe. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fair to have one person so full of awesomeness."
Adrian, blessedly silent for a change, was watching the two of us talk, much as one would look back and forth at a tennis match. His eyes were narrowed slightly, and I suspected he was studying our auras.
Lissa rolled her eyes, but fortunately, the anger I'd felt ear-Her lightened. She believed me. Her gaze then lifted from my face to someone beyond me. I felt the happy, golden emotions that signaled Christian's presence.
"My loyal bodyguard returns," he declared, pulling up a chair. He glanced at Lissa. "Are you done yet?"
"Done with what?" she asked.
He inclined his head toward me. "Giving her a hard time about how she threw me into the deadly clutches of Alto."
Lissa blushed. She was already feeling a little bad about jumping on me, now that I'd defended myself sufficiently. Christian's flippant, knowing observation just made her feel more foolish.
"We were just talking about it, that's all."
Adrian yawned and slouched back in his chair. "Actually, I think I've figured it all out. This was a scam, wasn't it? A scam to scare me off since I'm always talking about you being my guardian. You thought if you pretended to be a bad guardian, I wouldn't want you. Well, it's not going to work, so there's no point in risking anyone else's life."
I was grateful he didn't mention the incident in the hall. Ryan had absolutely been out of line, but as more time passed, it became harder and harder for me to believe I'd snapped like that. It was like something that had happened to someone else, something that I'd simply been watching. Of course, I seemed to be snapping over everything lately. I'd been mad about getting Christian, mad about the guardians' accusation, mad about—
Oh, right. It was probably time for me to drop the bomb.
"So, um … there's something you guys should know."
Four sets of eyes—even Eddie's—turned to me.
"What's wrong?" asked Lissa.
There was really no easy way to tell them, so I just pushed forward. "Well, it turns out that Victor Dashkov was never found guilty of what he did to us. He's just been locked up. But they're finally going to have an official trial—in another week or so."
Lissa's reaction to hearing his name was similar to mine. Shock shot through the bond, followed immediately by fear. A slide show of images flashed through her mind. The way Victor's sick game had made her question her sanity. The torture his henchman had subjected her to. The bloody state she'd found Christian in after he'd been attacked by Victor's hounds. She clenched her fists on the table, knuckles going white. Christian couldn't sense her reaction the way I could, but he didn't need to. He moved his hand over hers. She barely noticed.
"But… but…" She took a deep, steadying breath, fighting to stay calm. "How could he not be guilty already? Everyone knows…. They all saw…."
"It's the law. They supposedly have to give him a fighting chance."
There was confusion all over her, and slowly, she came to the same realization that I had last night with Dimitri. "So…wait… are you saying there's a chance they might not find him guilty?"
I looked into her wide, frightened eyes and couldn't bring myself to tell her. Apparently, my face said it all.
Christian slammed his fist against the table. "This is bullshit." Several people at other tables glanced over at his outburst.
"This is politics," said Adrian. "People in power never have to play by the same rules."
"But he nearly killed Rose and Christian!" cried Lissa. "And he kidnapped me! How can there be any question?"
Lissa's emotions were all over the place. Fear. Sorrow. Anger. Outrage. Confusion. Helplessness. I didn't want her delving into those dark feelings and hoped desperately that she'd grow calm again. Slowly, steadily, she did—but then I started getting angry again. It was like Ryan all over.
"It's a formality, I'm sure," said Adrian. "When all the evidence is in, there probably isn't going to be much of a debate."
"That's the thing," I said bitterly. "They're not going to have all the evidence. We aren't allowed to go."
"What?" exclaimed Christian. "Then who's testifying?"
"The other guardians who were there. We apparently can't be trusted to keep the whole thing quiet. The queen doesn't want the world to know that one of her precious royals might have done something wrong."
Lissa didn't seem to take offense at me trashing royals. "But we're the reason he's on trial."
Christian stood up, glancing around as though Victor might be in the library. "I'm going to go take care of this right now."
"Sure," said Adrian. "I bet going in there and kicking down the door will change their minds. Take Rose with you, and you guys'll make a really good impression."
"Yeah?" asked Christian, clenching the back of his chair and fixing Adrian with a stormy glare. "You have a better idea?"
Lissa's calmness began to waver again. "If Victor was free, would he come after us again?"
"If he gets loose again, he won't stay that way for long," I said. "I'll make sure of it."
"Careful there," said Adrian. He seemed to find all of this funny. "Even you couldn't get away with a royal assassination."
I started to tell him that I'd practice on him first, but then Eddie's sharp voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Rose."
Instinct born from years of training instantly kicked into place. I looked up and immediately saw what he'd noticed. Emil had just entered the library and was scanning for novices, taking notes. I shot up out of my chair, taking a position not far from Eddie that gave me a view of Christian and most of the library. Damn it. I had to get a grip, or I'd end up proving Ryan right. Between my brawl in the hall and now this Victor thing, I was completely neglecting my guardian duties. I might not even need Mason to fail this.
Emil hadn't seen me sitting and socializing. He strolled by, glanced at us, and made a few notes before heading off to scout the rest of the library. Relieved at escaping my close call, I tried to gain control of myself. It was hard. That black mood had seized me again, and listening to Lissa and Christian rage over Victor's trial wasn't really helping me relax. I wanted to go over there and weigh in. I wanted to yell and rant and share my own frustration. But that wasn't a luxury I had as a guardian. My first duty was to protect Moroi and not give into my own impulses. Over and over, I repeated the guardian mantra: They come first.