Lori could well understand. “Um—do you get periods, too?”
“Twice a year as well, and about ten days long. They are most unpleasant, but we can function feeling awful a lot better than we can function during the arousal stage, I can tell you.”
“I know,” Lori sighed. That was the experience that defined growing up female more than any other, and the lack of it now was one of the best things about being male. He looked back at Anne Marie, the twin of the creature he was riding, and commented, “Too bad you and Julian will both miss shopping for shoes, though.”
Now, as he sat there in the darkness, he tried putting a little weight on the ankle and was pleased to notice that the pain was very mild now. In an emergency he would have no compunctions about getting up and running on it, even if he might still pay for that later. The hand, though, was another story. If anything, he was more right-handed than Lori Ann had ever been; his left hand was useful mostly for support of whatever the right hand was doing. The aspirin had helped; he never remembered it doing this good a job on a human headache and suspected that there was a different biochemistry at work here, for once in his favor.
Not enough, though. It still hurt, and the fingers felt numb, a lot more than could be explained by the splint and bandages. The automated clinic back on the east coast of Itus was a long way away now. He had no idea how far away the next high-tech hex they might reach was or whether they would know how to repair a broken Erdomese there. What if the hand had to come off? There weren’t many prospects for one-handed men in Erdom. He began to feel panic at the thought, and that just made the awareness of the pain worse. He fought it, tried to push it back down, and finally got some self-control back, but he was feeling dizzy and nauseous. Scared, he reached over and shook Julian, who stirred, shook herself awake, then frowned and immediately was up and at his side.
“You have a fever,” she told him in a concerned whisper.
“A very bad one. You are glowing like a camp fire. How long did you let me sleep?” She reached over and picked up the watch. “Five hours.” The remains of the medical kit were on a blanket near them, and she went over and picked up the small vial of aspirin. “Here. Curse these hands!” She managed to get the top off but couldn’t get the pills out. “Give me your hand and I will try and shake them into it.”
Lori nodded, shaking now, and put out his left hand. She shook out a half dozen pills, then scooped up two with the lip of the vial and got him a canteen. He got the pills down, but it would take some time for them to have any effect.
“Lie here beside me, husband,” she told him, “and try to sleep if you can. I will be here and keep watch upon both the camp and you.”
He moaned and shook and thrashed around for the better part of an hour before finally passing into sleep. Julian wasn’t all that certain if he was just sleeping or if the fever had finally put him out, but there was nothing more that could be done.
Julian’s thoughts were mixed but all bad. For one thing, she felt almost helpless in the situation. She could comfort him and check on him and see that he got aspirin until that was gone, and she could cover him, but she could do little more. The biggest frustration was that she knew nothing of Erdomese infections or even whether this kind of fever reaction was normal or terminal. She did assume that if it didn’t break within a day, it was very bad indeed, but then what? Should he be kept cool or, as she’d automatically done, warm under a blanket?
She assumed that growing up Erdomese tended to give one at least a rough idea of these things just as Earth people had a rough idea of human reactions and illnesses simply by growing up human. Maybe they shouldn’t have bandaged the hand. Maybe that cut off air flow or something, although there was no open wound and the bandages were mostly to keep the splint on.
I’m not even a good First Wife here,she thought miserably. A first wife should know what to do.
Of course, if they were back in Erdom, help could have been called. Not here. All that education, that sophisticated background, and what’s it worth? she asked herself.
Nothing. Nothing at all. The revelation struck to the core of her ego and identity. All that Julian Beard had been, all that he’d learned, every scrap of sophisticated knowledge and the numerous skills he’d mastered, were not merely useless now, they were useless period. Sure, in training he’d learned probably the ultimate in first aid, but how much of that applied to Erdomese biology and what good was most of it without the proper instruments and medications on hand? What could she do if she had a decent kit, anyway? Even if she could put a thermometer in his mouth, for how long should it be in and what would be the correct reading? Useless, all useless. Julian Beard was someone trained for other conditions, another time, another world, another life.
Julian of Erdom was furious at Julian Beard for being worse than useless. Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial. She had clung to him desperately for so long, even decided at one point to die for him, and he was worthless. She rejected him in her fury. She understood now: this was totally new, a start from scratch, from less than scratch. All the feelings, impulses, inclinations that she’d pushed back for the sake of that precious ego had been not a personal victory but a brick wall. Her past was the wall, a useless thing that had kept her unhappily tied to a world and life and viewpoint no longer relevant. But the old Julian Beard wasn’t there anymore. He was a ghost, an evil spirit that had led her only to this helpless situation.
It was probably too late, but she hated him now, rejected him, cast him out. She felt him go, like something solid and tangible that had been inside her head and heart and now was removed. It felt good, but—what was left?
Erdomese women served their husbands and families and extended families. She had a husband, but neither he nor she had anyone else, even in Erdom. He was all she had, and she felt that she had failed him. She looked down at him as he slept fitfully, and for the first time she looked at him entirely as an Erdomese female. She looked at his cute horn, the gentle strength of his face, and a flood of emotions and self-realizations swept through her, this time unchecked, unfiltered, without thought or inhibition.
She bent down to his face and whispered in his ear, “I love you, Lori. I love you and I need you.”
He didn’t come fully awake, but he seemed to hear, and there was a gentle smile on his face all of a sudden, as if he had banished nightmares for a more pleasant dream.
Julian was not really thinking, just letting her Erdomese body and brain act as they willed, performing actions that she neither knew nor cared made any sense or not. She bent over, raised his head gently, and offered him her lower right breast, one of the water carriers in a nonpregnant female’s anatomy. He took it and began to drink. At first it was a little, as in foreplay, but after a bit he began really sucking and taking it in, even as she was licking his face with her long, thick tongue.
She had no idea how long she kept it up, but it was probably an hour or two before she noticed a dramatic change in him. The fierce glow was gone; there was only a slight residual shimmer, the natural aftereffect of the dangerous condition he’d had.