“Do you want to talk about it? We all have things that have happened to us that follow us into our dreams.”
“I did something bad when I was rescued.”
“You didn’t believe they were really there to free you? It’s a common mistake a lot of us made. You are not to blame. Who thought we could ever trust humans?”
“It was a man,” she admitted. “He asked me to be nice to him. He feared I’d attack him and I…” Her voice trailed off. She was ashamed to admit what she’d done.
A hand tentatively patted her back twice before it stopped. The touch was so soft she barely felt it. “It is understandable if you tried to harm him.”
“I did worse.”
“Humans harmed us. Nothing is your fault, Beauty.”
Her heart did funny things, hearing the raspy way he said her name. She listened to his heartbeat. It was loud in her ear and strong. Steady. It was soothing and nice. “I thought…” She bit her lip. “I don’t even want to say it.”
“That he would harm you? That’s what humans did to us.”
She pulled away from him a little to stare up at his face. His chin lowered and he peered back at her. Compassion and acceptance softened them and encouraged her to speak. She wanted to confess to Shadow for some reason.
“I was owned by a man so old his hair was white and his skin was wrinkled. He would yell at me sometimes when I was a child and I didn’t know why he seemed so angry. It wasn’t until I grew older that things turned worse. He was waiting until I was an adult to get what he wanted from me.”
Shadow suddenly growled and his facial expression changed. A flash of fear shot through her and her instincts made her want to bolt. He must have sensed it because his arms loosely wrapped around her.
“Calm,” he softly ordered. “I’d never harm you. It’s not you I feel the rage toward. I’ve heard the stories of what was done to Gift Females. There’s no need to relive the trauma you suffered.”
“I need to talk about it.” She wanted to get to know Shadow and hear his story. She hoped sharing hers would make him open up. “He never hurt me physically when I was growing up. I’ve heard some of the stories too. He didn’t molest me as a child.”
Some of the anger eased from his features. “I am glad to hear it.”
“He waited for me to mature.”
His chest under her hand vibrated half a second before a growl was muffled behind his closed lips. She understood it wasn’t directed at her. Her gaze left his to focus on his chest. It was easier to talk while not staring into his eyes.
“He wasn’t too physically abusive, it was more mental. I didn’t enjoy him touching me but I’ve heard worse stories. It didn’t even last long.”
“Stop,” Shadow whispered. “Please?”
She looked at his face and it surprised her to see unshed tears in his eyes. He hurt for her and it stunned her that a stranger would feel such emotion over something that had happened in her past.
“He got cancer. It’s a disease that made him weak and sick.”
“I hope he died painfully.” Shadow’s jaw clenched.
“He survived but he couldn’t touch me anymore. It left him in a wheelchair and unable to hurt me.”
“Good.” He snarled.
She nodded and leaned back against him, closing her eyes. His heartbeat had increased, hammering inside his chest. “The guards never dared touch me. They did say things. I knew what they wanted from me. They’d offer me more food and to treat me nicer if I did things to them and for them.”
The arms around her tightened enough that she felt secure in his hold. “We do what we must to survive.”
“I never did it.” She shivered, remembering how they’d taunt her by eating in front of her and saying crude things. “I was never nice to them. They scared me but I knew if I told Master that he’d fire them. He made it clear that none of them were allowed to put their hands on me. He would question me a lot about that and made me promise to tell him if anyone tried to come into the basement without him sending them there to fetch me to visit him.”
“You remembered this and had a nightmare.”
She nodded. “I was scared when I was rescued. I didn’t know it at the time but Master had heard his association to Mercile Industries was discovered and he fled the country. He must have feared they’d find out he owned me. He left me with those men. They were always telling me to be nice to them, asking me to do sexual things with them. They had mean eyes and handled me roughly when they took me to a new location to hide. I hated the way they watched me shower.” She shivered at the memory, remembering her terror that she’d be attacked. “I often made them angry so they’d punish me by not allowing me to get clean.”
The arms around her tightened and Shadow hugged her against his body. She liked how warm and safe it made her feel. “I think Master hoped no one would find out he had me and he’d threatened the men to keep me alive in case he could get me back. I’ve thought a lot about it. He must have ordered them not to touch me. It’s the only thing that could have kept them from just taking what they wanted.”
“Don’t call him that. No one owns you.”
“It’s the only name I have for him. It was a rule.”
“There are no more rules.”
She nodded. “Not with him.”
“You’re free and never going back. There’s no need to have nightmares.”
“The man who helped rescue me asked me to be nice to him. I thought he wanted me to do things to him,” she admitted softly. “That’s what I was dreaming about. He was very kind and I’d been so afraid for so long. They kept me hungry and locked in chains in the dark. They said things about what they’d do to me if Master said to kill me. They were planning on hurting me first.” Her voice choked up. “The man who rescued me was so nice. I thought if I was nice to him, he’d keep me safe. I had never given in to someone before but I did with him. I thought if I allowed him to have my body that he’d protect me from my old life.”
“What is his name?” Shadow snarled. “A task force member shared sex with you? I’ll kill him.”
Her head snapped up and rage showed on his face. “No. He stopped me immediately. That’s why I feel shame and dream about it. He was horrified. I misunderstood and I touched him wrong. Nothing happened between us.”
He leaned in closer, staring deeply into her eyes. “The truth? You can tell me anything. I’ll make him pay if he took advantage of you.”
“He didn’t. It’s my shame.”
“You were mistaken and scared.” One of his arms slid from around her waist and his big hand gently cupped her face. “You were trying to survive the best you could. There is no shame in that. Are you sure he didn’t take advantage of you? Touch you wrong? Perhaps ask you to touch him?”
“He stopped me immediately. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He was horrified.”
“Did you tell the females about this?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
She blinked back tears. “He was honestly nice to me. He looked at me in a way that no one ever had. I mattered and was a person to him. I’d have had to admit to the women that I touched the front of his pants. He swore no one would ever hurt me again and I wanted that. He was willing to die to protect me. We were being shot at by a sniper and he used his body to shield me.”
Shadow’s eyes softened. “Every male at Homeland would give their lives to protect you. That’s the truth. You never have to share sex to be safe. You matter and are precious. Do you know this now?”
“I do.”
“Good.” He glanced away. “It was an honest mistake, Beauty. Don’t torment yourself anymore with the nightmares.” His hand dropped from her face to return to the small of her back where he rubbed.
She snuggled against him. He was warm and so strong that she really did feel safe being held by him. His heartbeat slowed. He had large hands but they were amazingly gentle and the soft petting of her lower back was welcome.