She had touched all the bases, just as Troy had. I gave her the same answer as I had about Kevin.
“I’m her father. It’s that simple.”
She reached across the table, taking my hand, her skin warm, melding with mine. “What can I do?”
“You’ve done a lot already. You drove out here and listened to me while letting a perfectly good waf?e turn cold. You warned me not to do what we both know I’m going to do anyway. And you told me who to see about my problem. I can’t think of anything else unless you want to pick up the check.”
She took a twenty-dollar bill from her purse and put it on the table.
“My pleasure. You’ve got enough on your plate. Your marriage is over and, even if that’s a good thing for us, you’ve got to deal with that before you can move on. You’re still blaming yourself for your son’s death and you’re scared for your daughter. Plus, you’ve got to find out what’s making you shake.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“At least you know what’s in front of you and, like G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle. Here’s the real kicker. You won’t have ballistics and forensics, DNA, wiretaps, and all the other bricks and mortar you’ve always surrounded yourself with. You’re in my world now. You want to get through this, you’ll have to work the people.”
Chapter Fourteen
I woke with mild, morning shakes. They rose from my belly into my throat as I rolled out of bed, an internal wake-up call. I’d gotten used to it, like they were as much a part of me as my arms, legs, and heart, their absence more notable than their presence.
I took Kate’s advice and called the movement disorder clinic at the Kansas University Hospital. It was a large teaching hospital located at Thirty-ninth and Rainbow, just inside the Kansas side of the state line with Missouri. I’d been in the ER and up on the?oors to talk with victims and suspects, but I hadn’t been a patient there or in any other hospital since I tried to catch a hockey puck with my chin when I was in high school. The receptionist transferred my call to the person handling new patient intakes, who questioned me for fifteen minutes before asking which doctor I wanted to see.
“The one who can make this go away,” I told her in a halting voice. I’d found that talking about my symptoms made them worse. It was a lesson in modesty my mother would have appreciated.
“We cannot promise that you will get better.” Her disclaimer had the?at, rote familiarity of being read from a script.
“Okay, then give me the one who won’t make it any worse.”
“We cannot promise that you will not get worse.”
I almost told her to give me the doctor with a sense of humor since she obviously didn’t have one, but didn’t want her to tell me that they couldn’t promise to laugh at my jokes.
“Okay. How about the doctor who can see me the soonest?”
“Dr. Fitzpatrick has an opening November twenty-fifth.”
“That’s not for two months.”
“It is our next available appointment. I can put you down for that date and add you to a waiting list in case we get a cancellation.”
“Do you get many cancellations?”
“No. Should I confirm your appointment and put you on our list?”
“No place I’d rather be.”
The prospect of waiting two months to see a doctor was a joke that didn’t make me laugh. It was one more thing I couldn’t control. The only thing I could control was how I dealt with it. I took a quick inventory.
Apart from the shakes, I felt fine. My appetite was good enough that I hadn’t lost the extra five pounds around my waist. When I jogged in the morning, my knees didn’t hurt any worse than they had when I turned fifty a few months ago. My dark hair was turning sandy but wasn’t falling out. And, I wasn’t having dizzy spells like other people I’d heard of who turned out to have brain tumors. I shook. That was it. How bad could it be? Not bad, I decided. I kept repeating that, waiting for it to sink in.
I thought about the case and what Kate had said, that I had to work the people. That had always been part of my job even if I didn’t trust my ability to read beneath the surface to decipher people’s inner demons. I relied on the facts, the evidence, to cross-check against what I guessed about human nature. That approach had served me well. I’d never repeated the mistake I’d made with Kevin. If I were going to live in Kate’s world without my tools, I’d need to learn how to use hers. I called to ask if I could borrow them.
“Teach me to read micro expressions,” I told her.
“Good morning. I had a lovely time last night and I appreciate that you thanked me for me buying dinner, although I expected more than a good-night kiss in the parking lot for my investment.”
It had been an awkward moment when I walked Kate to her car. She leaned into me, hands behind my neck pulling me toward her, and kissed me, her mouth open and urgent. Joy and I had been married twenty-eight years and had dated two years before that. I hadn’t kissed another woman like that since I was a teenager. Even though my marriage was over and I’d fantasized about being with Kate, she caught me by surprise. My re?exive fidelity to my future former wife made me clumsier than when I groped Sue Ellen Thorpe in a darkened hallway during a junior high school dance. I mumbled something about being tired and went home alone.
“Give me another chance. I start slow but I finish strong.”
“Good to know. Maybe we can even harness your shaking for a higher and better use somewhere besides the IHOP parking lot. Now what were you saying about micro expressions?”
I’d appreciated her directness the first time we’d had lunch, when she told me that it didn’t matter what we wanted, we couldn’t have it, not then. Things were different now and her frank sexual banter was another reminder that it was time for me to move on. I didn’t know if she’d been like this when she was married. I didn’t know anything about the relationships she may have had since she was divorced five years ago. I only knew that I wanted her and that, by some unlikely alignment of the planets, she wanted me.
I tried to remember whether I had ever felt that way about Joy, believed that I must have, but couldn’t summon the memories. We’d driven our love for each other into the ground, leaving it cold and hard.
“I want to go to the college of facial knowledge.”
“Classes start this weekend. They run Friday night to Monday morning.”
“How about an advance session? I’m having dinner tonight with Wendy and Colby Hudson. If he?ares his nostrils, I need to know whether he’s lying or just has allergies.”
“You want to learn how to read micro expressions by tonight? What are you, drunk? This isn’t some parlor trick you can learn to do in one easy lesson. Could you teach me how to kick in a door, plant a wiretap, or work undercover before lunch?”
“Not a chance.”
“Exactly. So stop being stupid. I’m offering you a weekend of personal instruction and you’re about to blow it, big-time.”
“Personal instruction?”
“Very personal.”
“So today is not a good day for a quickie course?” I asked, finally getting into the?ow.
“Today, no, but hold onto that option. I do have another idea, which happens to be a good one. I’ll join you for dinner and interpret afterward.”
I was never good at waiting, letting a case come to me, depending on a drug dealer, embezzler, or terrorist to do me a favor by screwing up. I got in my car, a two-year-old Chevy Impala, and drove back to Marcellus’s neighborhood. There was a chance that my squad would be canvassing the neighborhood again and following up on leads. I didn’t want to put any of them in a tough spot, forcing them to report to Troy that I had been nosing around. I decided to tour the surrounding blocks first for any sign of my people. If the streets were empty, I’d take a shot at the neighbors.
A KCK patrol car and an unmarked Crown Victoria were parked in front of a house three blocks to the west of where Keyshon, his father, mother, and the Winston brothers had been killed. Two uniformed cops were milling around in the front yard. I slowed down when I saw Marty Grisnik standing on the sidewalk talking to a heavyset black man nearly as tall as he was. Grisnik glanced at me and then barked something to one of his officers, who?agged me down, motioning me to the curb.