So that he can be with me.
I actually want to voice this to Tenn… to let him know my feelings on the matter. Not to pressure him, but so he can be assured that I want to build a life with him. So he knows that he has something waiting on the other side if he’s able to walk away. I don’t want him to have doubts about me, because he has enough weighing on him already.
I should just tell him I love him. I should do it so it makes him feel better. So that I reciprocate what he’s so willingly given me, so that he feels the same warm flood of comfort that comes with such a simple little phrase.
But I can’t.
If I did it right in this moment, it would seem contrived. It would seem convenient.
It would not seem genuine.
And I want to be genuine with Tenn. I want him to know that I am the person that will always greet him with total transparency with my feelings.
I want him to know that I will be his constant… his anchor.
But before I can give that to him, I have to make sure that I’m strong enough and committed enough to offer that up. And that is something I’m still not quite sure of at this point.
Chapter 26
Tenn
I lead Whiskey out of the barn and look up to the bright Wyoming sky. For the funeral yesterday, it was overcast and dreary. Perfect weather by which to shed tears as we lowered my father into the ground next to my mom. Casey stood silently by my side, her arm wrapped around my waist and gently rubbing me in comfort, while Zoey stood next to me with my own arm wrapped tight around her. I didn’t bother trying to stay composed because I’ve never been one to quiet my emotions. Whether I’m angry or happy, sad or pensive, I’m the type that wears my emotions on my sleeve. Didn’t bother me in the least to have to wipe the grief away from my face as I said my final goodbyes. Touched me deeply that Casey was wiping away tears of grief too, not for my father, because she didn’t know him at all.
They were all for me.
Because I was suffering.
And yet today, the sky is a bright blue a little deeper than aquamarine and makes me think of Casey’s eyes. Thick, fluffy clouds hang in place but in no way block the sun so that the snow on top of the Tetons sparkles like gemstones have been scattered all around. It’s in the mid-seventies, and the smell of horse and hay smells damn good in my nose. It’s why I want to get a quick ride in before Casey wakes up.
The last few days have been difficult for sure. Zoey arrived with Brianna the day after Casey and I got here. My little girl is devastated and when she wasn’t clinging to me, she was actually clinging to Casey. I know Brianna isn’t close to her daughter the way I am, and that’s pretty much due to the fact that Brianna loves herself far more than she could ever love anyone else. But I also know that she does love Zoey in her capacity as a mother, and so I also know it was difficult for her to see Zoey gravitating toward my woman. This threatened Bri on two points… because she feels proprietary toward her daughter as well as me, and Casey had both of our attention.
And it was only a matter of time before Brianna’s claws came out and she started a verbal attack on Casey. Woolf and I had been in Dad’s office a few hours before the funeral was to start, looking through some of his ledgers, and we came out to hear Brianna’s shrill voice say, “You don’t belong here. This is a family gathering.”
We both grimaced at each other and headed toward the great room to stop Hurricane Brianna before she could really get going.
There is no doubt in my mind that Casey could have wiped the floor with Brianna. There’s no doubt in my mind that Casey has a sharper tongue than Brianna could ever imagine. And there was also no doubt in my mind that Casey would do nothing to escalate the situation, so as we walked into the room, Woolf and I watched as she just turned and walked away, heading toward the hall that would lead to my room.
It was then I noticed Kip sitting on one of the leather couches, looking completely dismayed and frustrated with Brianna. Why the guy puts up with that shit is beyond me, but hell… I can’t judge. I put up with it for years.
Brianna turned toward Kip and sneered. “I can’t believe that woman is trying to ingratiate herself into our family. She’s probably after Tenn’s money.”
Yeah… fury rose and my hands fisted. But before I could even open my mouth to say anything, Woolf stormed past me and stalked right up to Brianna. To my utter shock, he got up in her face, causing her to take two surprised steps back where her legs caught the edge of the couch and she fell down into a sitting position on the cushions.
Woolf’s face was red and his eyes were glowing, yet his words were calm. He stared at Brianna but addressed Kip with his words. “Get your woman and get her out of this house. And don’t ever let her come back here.”
Kip jumped up with a grateful look on his face, but Brianna wasn’t having any of it. “You can’t kick me out of this home. It’s Tenn’s too, and we share a daughter together.”
Woolf merely sneered at Brianna and with a harsh laugh, he said, “This is Tenn and Zoey’s home, but it is not yours. You lost that right when my brother divorced your vicious ass. And just so we’re clear… this is my home too. Casey is my guest as well as Tenn’s and because you can’t keep your mouth shut, you just lost any further right to be a guest in this house.”
Brianna started to lay into Woolf but luckily, Kip grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out quickly. Fortuitously, Zoey had not been around to witness that. Even luckier, Brianna was amazingly subdued at the funeral and kept her lips zipped.
Once Bri and Kip were gone from the house, I turned and looked at Woolf in amazement. It was the first time I caught a glimpse of the man he had actually become and for the first time since Dad died, I started to believe that Woolf might actually have something inside of him that could be strong enough to be a leader.
Woolf merely shrugged his shoulders and gave me a wry smile. “What can I say? I see the way you look at your woman. She’s already part of this family.”
I suppressed the insane urge that overcame me to hug my brother, instead giving him a grateful nod and headed off to find Casey to make sure she was all right.
And, of course, she was. She had amazing compassion, even for Brianna, and merely said she understood it was a difficult time for everyone.
It takes me no time at all to get Whiskey saddled. He’s a calm, five-year-old gelding quarter horse that’s a gorgeous, pale buckskin with black stockings, tail, and mane.
“Hey stud,” I hear softly, turning to see Casey walking up toward me.
And what a fucking vision she is. I had brought her into Jackson day before yesterday and couldn’t resist buying her a pair of cowboy boots and a feminine, cream-colored Stetson. She’s wearing them both paired with a beautiful summer dress with little blue flowers all over it that flares wide and comes down to just above her knees. The cowgirl look is complete with two, long golden braids draped over her breasts.
“You’re up early,” I comment as my eyes drag down her again.
She shrugs her shoulders as she steps up to me, taking a hand and running it down my ribs, where her fingers tuck into the edge of my belt. “Going for a ride?”
“Yeah,” I tell her as I tighten the cinch. “Want to come with me?”
I can tell the idea interests her, but her eyes look at the horse warily. “I’m not so good around beasts that big. Present company excluded, of course.”
I snort, and she shoots me a wicked smile.
“You can ride with me,” I tell her. “You’ll be completely safe.”
She accepts that as truth and tentatively reaches out to stroke Whiskey on the neck. “Do I need to go get changed?”