Perhaps, rather than refurnishing, it was time she left instead. Time she forced herself to step away from the protection and the love her parents’ home afforded her, and forge her own life.
She had a multitude of things she enjoyed. Decorating, training the horses on her father’s estate for the competitions they were often entered in, she even liked the charity work she often helped her mother with. She could turn any of those into a career.
She especially enjoyed…Ian.
It seemed there were more tears after all. Another slid down her cheek as the loss threatened again to overwhelm her.
“No more tears,” she chastised herself severely as she moved to her closet. “Change instead.”
Change required energy. It forced one to stay busy, to push all other things to the rear and focus solely on what must be done. It was the only answer to the life she now faced. She had accepted, at least for now, until she could cope with losing everything she had believed would be hers, she would be alone. But that didn’t mean she had to wallow in the pain, nor did she have to let it worsen.
She pulled a chic dark gray dress from the closet along with matching pumps. She would need her own apartment, a place of her own. Then she would enroll in college as her father kept encouraging her to do. She would slowly rebuild her life. It wasn’t her dream, but it would do.
As she laid the dress over the bed, a soft knock at her bedroom door interrupted her thoughts.
“Come in,” she called out, watching warily as the door opened and her father stepped into the room.
He was a handsome man for his age. Still well-developed, his sandy blond hair as thick as ever, his gray eyes turbulent. He had always been her strength as she grew up. Ready to protect her, to guide her, or merely to laugh with her. She had always believed there could never be a man more perfect than he was. Except Ian.
“Going out?” He glanced at the dress, moving further into her room as she watched him, aware that letting her go would be difficult for him.
He had so loved and spoiled her, all her life. He had taught her many of her greatest accomplishments and had cheered her on ahead of everyone else. He had taught her confidence, taught her strength. He had helped her find the best of what she was inside herself.
“Yes.” She glanced at the dress, then back to him. “I’m going apartment hunting.”
She didn’t have to imagine how it would affect him. His eyes instantly darkened with an instinctive protest as his big body tensed. He couldn’t know how hard it was for her as well, though. Leaving the only security she had known besides Ian’s arms, would be one of the hardest things she had ever done.
“A rather sudden decision, isn’t it?” he growled. “No one has asked you to move out.”
“I know, Daddy.” She smiled softly. “It’s just time, I think. Perhaps it’s time for college as well.” She shrugged restlessly. “I can’t spend my days just drifting. And after so many parties, it becomes rather boring. I…I need something more…” She glanced away from him, unwilling to look as she hurt him further.
“You can live here and go to college,” he suggested.
She could, but living with her parents wouldn’t accomplish the growth she needed. She needed to learn how to dream dreams that didn’t include Ian. She couldn’t do that here, where all her dreams of him had begun.
“No.” She breathed in deeply. “I need to be on my own, I think. It’s time I grow up.”
How a woman who had indulged sexually as she had with Ian could utter those words, she wasn’t certain. She felt ages old. And yet, as uncertain now as she had felt during the time her parents had been apart.
He lowered his head, pushing his hands forcefully into the pockets of his slacks as he nodded slowly.
“It’s hard, letting you go.” He cleared his throat, staring around the room as he blinked several times. Hard. “Hard to let go of the years I lost and remember you’re not a baby anymore.”
Courtney bit her lip and found there were many more tears. Tears she would shed later rather than now.
“You taught me to follow my heart, Father,” she whispered huskily. “That’s what I must do.”
He nodded. Cleared his throat again.
“Ian called,” he announced as his head rose.
She flinched. She couldn’t help it. The pain built inside her until she was certain it would take her to her knees. He hadn’t called her. Not even once.
“Is he doing well?” Any news of him was better than nothing.
She worried about him, she admitted. Though she doubted he needed her concern. She was terrified she had added more pain, more guilt to his already haunted eyes. The thought of that was nearly as painful as losing him.
“Yeah.” He nodded firmly. “He sounded tired though.”
She stared back at him calmly, despite the agony resonating through her.
“You’re talking to him again then?”
“Yeah.” He nodded again. “I was…worried about him.” He shifted his shoulders uncomfortably.
She had worried as well. She talked to Khalid often, though he rarely had any real news of Ian.
“I’m glad he’s well.” She fought the trembling of her lips as she smiled back at him. “Now, I really need to get dressed…”
“He asked about you.” His eyes met hers, a question forming there.
Pain curled through her chest, making it difficult to breathe.
“I hope you told him I was well?” Her smile wobbled as she met his gaze.
“I told him he fucking broke my daughter’s heart,” he finally snapped. “What the hell was I supposed to tell him, Courtney?”
“That I am well,” she answered, her voice thickening with more tears. “He needs know nothing more, Father. I am alive. I am healthy. I am not suicidal. Nothing more should concern him.”
He grimaced in disgust.
“You haunt this house like a ghost,” he growled. “Even Sebastian is worried. The bastard wasn’t supposed to break your heart.”
“For pity’s sake, what do you think I’m going to do?” she yelled back at him. “Did you have Ian thinking I’m going to kill myself because I couldn’t gain his heart? What would make you believe I’m so weak?”
“I did no such thing,” he informed her fiercely. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t tell him what a sorry bastard he is.”
“Argh. You are as insane as any man I have ever met. It is no wonder you and Ian are so close.” She threw her hands up in surrender. “First, you do not want him to be with me, now you would chastise him for not being with me. Make up your mind, Father, before you make yourself crazy.”
He grunted at that. “He didn’t have to hurt you.”
“He did not hurt me.” It was no more than the same argument they had fought for the past month. “I hurt me, Father, don’t you understand that? I was wrong to push him…” The tears came again. “Would you just stop speaking of him? Please…”
“Why, so you can forget me?”
She stared in shock as Ian stepped into the room.
Her eyes widened as heat began to fill her body, racing through her bloodstream, chasing away the chill that held her in stasis for so many weeks.
He looked horrible. His face was haggard, lined with weariness, his deep blue eyes filled with shadows.
Her head whipped around to her father, staring at him in mute shock.
“He called from the limo.” He shrugged. “He wanted to see you. It’s your life, Courtney,” he finally sighed, his gray eyes concerned, finally filled with acceptance. “I can’t live it for you, and to be honest, I’d just fuck it up further if you let me.” He turned to Ian then. “I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to talk.”
He turned and left the room, leaving her alone then with the man who had haunted her for most of her life.
Why was he here though? Did he worry that she would somehow meet the same end that Melissa had?