"Do you honestly believe that?"
"Yes."
"Then why aren't you making your son's lives hell?"
The question was simplistic enough to bring a smile to my face. At the very least, it was predicated on the assumption that parental love can be switched on and off according to circumstance ... although perhaps for him that was the reality of childhood. "Shouldn't you ask me first if I think greatness is a sensible ambition for a mother to want for her children?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because the odds are stacked against it. Anguish doesn't guarantee success, it merely offers the possibility. After that it's down to genius. In any case, as far as Luke and Tom are concerned, I'm guided entirely by selfishness. I want them to like me."
He was unimpressed. "Everyone's motivated by selfishness," he said, "including Luke and Tom. They behave the way you expect because they think they'll get something in return. Alan used to kowtow to my father to avoid a thrashing, but I'll bet Luke and Tom only kowtow for money."
I nodded. "More often than not."
"Alan's kids are the same. They're barely out of nappies but they've got him wound 'round their little fingers." He dropped his cigarette butt on to the terrace and ground it out under his heel. "All they have to do is burst into tears and say they want ice cream and he starts emptying his pockets. I told him he's making an ass of himself, but he's so fucking paranoid about the way Dad treated us that he won't listen to reason."
I wondered if Danny realized how confused his views on parenting were and what he meant by "reason." Spare the rod and spoil the child, presumably, although why, like so many people, he believed harshness was a better educator than kindness was a perennial mystery to me. "How does your mother feel about it?"
"Christ knows. She's a Prozac junkie," he said bitterly, "so it depends what mood she's in at any given moment. It's a good day if she can drag herself out of bed ... as for having an opinion on something..." He fell silent, staring at the ground.
"I'm sorry," I said again.
"Yeah, it's a mess." He gave a mirthless laugh. "I guess you're pretty disappointed."
"About what?"
"That a type like me responded to Luke's e-mails. You were probably hoping for something better."
"I never make those kinds of judgments," I replied truthfully. "If I did, I'd have to wear a label 'round my own neck, and that's not something I'm prepared to do. In any case, I'm not sure what type you think you are."
He kicked at a flagstone, refusing to meet my eyes. "Fucking useless," he muttered. "The last I heard of my dad he was banged up in the Scrubs for assault, but we've all been there at one time or another. I got six months for twocking-that's taking cars without consent. Alan got four years in juvenile for dealing ... both my sisters have done time for shoplifting. We're bad news. Poor old Mum used to get the cold shoulder every time she left the house because of the stuff her kids did." He lapsed into a brief, unhappy silence. "I guess that's why she doesn't get out of bed anymore."
The admission clearly wounded him, and I wondered if he hadn't looked for us-or people like us, uninfected by anti-Slater bias-just as assiduously as we had looked for him. Yet, if that were true, why had he confessed to his family's failings so readily? The sly glance he gave me when he raised his head persuaded me it was a cynical test of my refusal to label him, and my sympathy waned a little. I guessed he enjoyed holding grudges and sought rejection for the purpose of fueling them ... and I wondered which of us was the more manipulative.
"I thought you were going to classify yourself as a struggling artist," I said with a small laugh. "I hadn't bargained on 'fucking useless.' Does that mean I'll be wasting my time if I visit you at the sculpture workshop?"
He gave me an unwilling smile. "No. I'm a good sculptor."
"You ought to be," I told him. "Your brother had real talent at fourteen."
He looked surprised. "Alan?"
I nodded. "I've still got a little wooden figure he carved for me. It's in the shape of a snake with feathers 'round its head."
"That's probably right," said Danny. "He's got this thing about an Aztec god who was half snake, half bird. It's a load of crap, but Alan reckons the bastard was an alien who came to earth to create a lost civilization in Mexico."
"Quetzalcoatl?" I suggested.
"That's the one. He's got a mosaic of him on his sitting-room wall."
I learned nothing further about Alan's picture that evening because Danny was more interested in pouring scorn on his brother's belief in extraterrestrials than he was in discussing his taste in art. I clung to my dwindling patience in order to listen to the hoary old arguments on both sides, and was somewhat relieved when a six-foot-tall brunette with legs up to her armpits seduced him away with a cigarette.
I watched them perform the opening moves of a courtship dance-an awkward affair of wriggling shoulders and pretended casualness as they dipped their heads to the cigarette lighter-and was about to go back inside when Sam appeared at my elbow with a peace offering. "It's Cloudy Bay," he said gruffly, shoving a glass of wine into my hand. "I was going to drink the lot to drown my sorrows, then I thought, to hell with it, it's not your fault Larry got me fired up."
It wasn't a white flag exactly but I could always recognize a truce when I saw one. I responded with a chink of glasses and a smile, while wondering if Sam had used the opportunity I'd given him to find out who Danny Slater was and why he was there. If not, I feared the truce would be of short duration. It was one thing for his wife and his father-in-law to keep secrets from him ... quite another for his sons to do it as well.
He might have read my thoughts. "Who's the dark-haired chap you were talking to?" he asked, nodding in Danny's direction. "I was watching from the window. He seemed to have a lot to say to you."
"His name's Danny Slater," I told him. "He's working up at the sculpture park on Portland."
"Any relation to Derek Slater?"
"His son," I said evenly. "Do you remember Derek?"
"No. I've been going through your rucksack." He hunched his shoulders like a boxer preparing to defend himself. "And don't give me any heartache over it because if you didn't want me looking, you shouldn't have left it on the bed."
"My fault," I agreed, hoping he'd had the sense to go through everything. Ignorance had kept him happy for years; partial ignorance would eat away at him like a rotten worm.
"You were right about the Rev's wife. She took some useful photographs. This lad's the spitting image of his father twenty years ago."
"There's a lot of his mother in him," I demurred.
"That would be Maureen Slater?"
I nodded.
"Mm, well, I didn't recognize her. In fact I didn't recognize any of them except Julia Charles and Libby Williams. There's a blond woman who came into the pub occasionally, I think, but other than that"-he shook his head-"they were all strangers."
I wondered how much of the correspondence he'd read and how much he thought I'd withheld. If he knew the truth, he'd be devastated.
He flicked an abstracted glance across the field of heads in front of the house, looking for Luke and Tom. "That's quite a file the boys have collected on Graham Road. How long have they been doing it?"
"Since your coronary."
He smiled slightly. "On the principle that you'd be coming home whether I lived or died?"
"Something like that."
He paused before his next question, as if considering the wisdom of asking it. He knew as well as I that bridges were best left unburnt, but his need for reassurance was stronger than his caution. "Did you tell them I walked out on you?"