There's a pause as soon as he says it, and I listen to the beat of my heart, to the longing in his voice. Sebastian doesn't move any closer to me, doesn't try to pull anything, which takes me off guard. He isn't even looking at me anymore. His eyes are focused on the door to the safe house, like they're the gateway into another dimension only he knows about. He just keeps running his hand through my hair, giving me my distance, sighing sadly. "I'll let you out as soon as you're safe, angel," he says after a while. "I promise you that much."
Then he opens and closes his eyes and starts to stand up. The bed groans from the shift in weight, as Sebastian pulls off of it. He stands up and starts to brush his suit off, looking at me the whole time with those sad blue eyes of his. "I'm sorry," he whispers, shifting his jaw so he's looking directly at me. "I hope you know that I'm sorry."
Sebastian leaves again the next day, this time for almost twelve hours. I don't do anything all day but lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling, replaying our last conversation again and again in my head. As much as I wish it weren't true, a part of me is starting to believe Sebastian. A part of me realizes that he really does care about me, that in the end, he's just a broken man in love, a man who wants to protect me, wants to love me, but doesn't know how to show it. He's been hurt before; he's been hurt so much, that he doesn't want to take any chances on my safety.
And I know I can't ever really be with him, can't ever really like him after he locked me up like this, but I still find myself feeling for him. I still find myself understanding him, or at least trying to, as much as I wish I wouldn't.
I lie in bed all day, just thinking, just hoping, just longing for a way out.
I don't move when I hear Sebastian's car pull up a few hours later. Or when the door flings open. Or when I hear his angry cursing. I don't move when he races right up to me, his eyes filled with need and hunger. I don't move as he wraps his arms around me and lifts me out of bed, then places me gently onto the ground beside him.
Immediately, I step back. My body starts shaking. I know full well not to trust him. I keep my back pressed to the bed, ready to run in case he tries anything. "What are you doing?" I whisper cautiously, waiting for his reaction.
Sebastian's eyes stay on mine as he whispers, "Something I should have done long ago." His voice is filled with need.
I stop.
Need… for me.
He takes a step closer, not looking away. Heat radiates from his body and wraps around me, like I'm engulfed by flames, and as much as I should want to back away, to get the hell out of here, I can't. I just stand there, looking into his eyes, not knowing what to say. I'm rooted in the spot. Rooted… and a part of me would rather be nowhere else.
"I need you to do something for me," he says in a low voice, his eyes searching mine, and in my mind I'm back in the hotel room, with his lips by my ear as he whispers his stories to me. "Do you think you can do that?"
"What do you want?" I say quietly. I know fighting him is no use. I know I'm his prisoner, I know he's controlling me, and I know protests will help nothing.
He takes a deep breath, not once taking his eyes off of mine. "I need you to dance for me, angel."
I freeze. My eyes focus on his to see if he's lying. "Huh?"
"Dance for me," he repeats, not hesitating for a second.
I start protest. The doctors said I could never dance again, not without risking hurting my leg for good, and I'm sure as hell not dancing for Sebastian of all people. "No, I can't--"
"I know you used to dance," he says. His voice is urgent, demanding. "And so I'm asking you, to dance for me just this once."
I open my mouth to argue some more, but then I see the need in Sebastian's face and I know I can't say no. "Okay," I say softly. I hate myself so much for agreeing to it, but somehow, I don't want to fight this. I want to dance--I want to find a way to escape this place, even if it's only for a few seconds.
"Good," he says, then holds up a CD player. "Which song?"
"Swan Lake." I don't take my eyes off of his as his hands move to turn on the song. There's a click, and then the quiet melody fills the air.
"Dance for me, my angel," Sebastian whispers again, and I look into his eyes, and I feel the tears glistening in mine, but I do, I do, I do. I move into the middle of the dark room under Sebastian's watchful gaze, and I dance. The song is slow and gradual, full of longing and need for escape, and I suspend my right hand over my head, close my eyes, and let everything else fade away. My legs arch forward, then swing in a circle, and then I'm spinning, feeling nothing but the air wrapping around my body and the beautiful, beautiful peace of it all. I lean my head back, then drift forward to Sebastian, my movements graceful and easy. Everything hums as I dance, and all of the pain and the fear and the tears from before seem to fade away.
The tempo picks up, growing deeper and darker, and I find myself dancing faster, faster, faster. My body follows such simple movements, my legs propelling me forward and making me spin in a circle, my arms arched on either side of my body. I feel so relaxed when I'm dancing, and even in the dark room under Sebastian's watchful gaze, dancing frees me. Dancing makes me whole again.
Finally, in between a spin, I look up to meet Sebastian's stare--just for a second. His blue eyes are filled with something deep and broken, trained on me, and suddenly all I want is to be near him again.
I can't explain it.
I can't even begin to make sense of it.
Sebastian has made me his prisoner, and yet, I still feel drawn to him, I still want him and I don't even know why.
"Dance with me, Sebastian," I whisper as the music speeds up. I hold out my trembling hand.
He takes it without hesitation. It feels weird to touch him again, and I almost want to pull back, to stop this before anything happens, because I know wholeheartedly that I can't trust him. But still, I find myself… wanting to. Wanting to do this.
But it's too late, because then he is dancing with me, and we spin across the room, our bodies moving with each other effortlessly, like they're bound together by some invisible yarn. Everything about Sebastian is fiery, a light burning into my skin, but I can't stop wanting him. I lean my head back and he catches me in his long, muscular arms, pulling me up and then spinning me around. We dance and dance until we can't dance anymore, until the music stops and it's just me and Sebastian, me in his arms, panting and sweating and trying to focus on my breathing. All of the air seems to be sucked out of the room. Everything but the pulsing of our bodies and the heat and tangled desire disappears. It's just us and the music, and I can feel myself drawing closer to him as we dance, can feel myself wanting him, even after everything he has done to me.
By the time we stop, Sebastian holds me in his arms. My breathing comes in slow pants, my skin as sweaty as his is, but I can't look away from him. I'm lost in the beautiful blue in his eyes, in the closeness of his body to mine, and all I want to do is push on the space between us until there is nothing there, nothing but his body. He holds me in his arms with surprising grace. My back is bent backwards, but he keeps me from falling by holding me in in his arms, leaning forward so that his mouth is only inches from mine. Sebastian's breath comes in slow gulps. I feel the tingling and heat crawling into my skin at the possibility of kissing him, and I concentrate on the silence of the room, the way both of our bodies feel so connected as we danced. I can still hear the music in my ears even though it's long gone now.
All of my instincts are screaming at me to pull away, to push him off of me and try to get out of here, to not feel anything but hatred for him, but the rest of me refuses. The rest of me wants this, this moment, this man. I can't put the feeling into words, but I find myself gravitating toward him despite myself, needing him in ways I can't possibly express.