"Okay," I say quietly, barely able to escape the tingles rippling through me long enough to speak. "What do you want to know?"
Sebastian slips his hand deeper into my bra, kissing around it. I feel his fingers working to undo it, feel the warmth in his mouth as he draws closer and closer toward me. My nipples harden, and I want him to suck them so badly I can't even explain. "I want to know everything, angel."
I take a breath. It occurs to me then that my life has not really been all that interesting. It's like I've been consumed by own loneliness, like I haven't ever really lived. So I start with the basics: the one time I ever actually felt alive. "I always loved to dance," I say, and Sebastian pauses kissing me, looking up and watching me with those deep and mysterious blue eyes of his. "Ever since I was kid, it was my life. It was more than just a passion, though. It was something I ate, slept, breathed. Dance and I were inseparable in a way nothing else could be. My parents… they never understood it. They were always out of town--sports agents, go figure--but they still supported me. They still loved me when they were at home, and so I was okay. Through my teen years I stayed home alone when my parents went on tons of business trips to places across the country or the globe, usually for days at a time, and I'd just go to school, make myself dinner, and whenever I had free time, I'd spend it dancing. It was nice, to dance like that. Never perfect, but nice. Especially on those days my parents came home, and they talked to me and we played board games or whatever and just… were a real family, you know? I liked when things were simple. I went to college and dropped out after two years and even though they didn't like it, they still supported me on that too. I don't know why I dropped out, if you're wondering," I add. Sebastian's breath is on my lips now. He keeps inching forward, looking at my lips with such hunger. Each time I inhale I can imagine myself kissing him again, letting him inside of me. I need him. I need him bad. "I just wasn't happy, I guess. So I left. Anyway, I never really had any friends. Dance was my only real friend, and so I let it be that way. And that was all okay, even though I was a little depressed, because at least I had my parents in my life. But then they were… killed." I squeeze my eyes shut at the memory, feeling the familiar hurt trickle in. "And everything changed."
I go on telling him the rest of my tale of woe, filling in some of the details he already knows. I talk about how there was a robbery and my parents were killed, how the depression came in soon after and I attempted to end it all, even though it only resulted in me breaking my leg and losing my one true love forever. I talk about how lonely I've been these last few years, how, when I jumped off of that roof, not only my leg shattered, but my heart did as well, and it has yet to recover. I talk about how my soul was still broken until I met him, how he's the one putting the pieces of myself back together. And weirdly enough, it feels good to talk it all out. It feels good to be free again--free from the lies. "So that's it," I say quietly as soon as I've told my story. "That's me."
Sebastian doesn't respond for a long time. He keeps tracing his finger around my breasts, making my nipples harder and harder by the second, causing the familiar ache to build up deep inside of me. I want him more and more with each passing second. I want his perfectly dark sex hair, his gorgeous dimples, his tanned muscular body, and his deep blue eyes. I want his dark suits and his gentle kisses. I want the way he makes me feel. I'm Sebastian's captive, and yet, I find myself wanting him. All of him.
"Angel," Sebastian says at last, his voice surprisingly quiet. "You're amazing. You know that, right? But you're wrong. You're so, so wrong. Because you're not broken, not to me. You're beautiful. You're interesting. You have character and imperfections and so many things to love. I need you, angel. I need you how you are."
All air is sucked out of the room then, and the only sound that remains as Sebastian finishes talking is the pounding of blood in my ears. The space between Sebastian and I keeps diminishing, and soon there is nothing left, nothing but our heavy, hot breaths, the closeness of his face to mine, and the tension in the air, thick and crackling. Sebastian moves his finger to unhook my bra, tracing his fingers around my hardened nipple and causing me to gasp. Every part of me wants him as he lets my bra fall to the ground. And then, silently, he pulls my shirt over my head, so that I'm sitting in his lap, naked from the top up. I don't know how to react as he reaches out and kisses me, rough and heavy, his lips melting through mine. Kissing Sebastian sends waves of tremors through me, and feeling him against me, feeling his perfectly muscled body so close to mine, makes my skin hot and tingly.
"Tell me who are you are, Sebastian. I need to know," I whisper as he holds my half-naked body against him, fingers tracing up and down my stomach. His arms are around my bare breasts now, and I have to struggle to keep breathing, to focus on him, to make him tell me who he is before I go crazy with need, because the desire is pouring in. And fast.
Sebastian pauses. His finger moves up from my belly button to the edge of my breast, and suddenly it's right beside my nipple again, sending shivers throughout my body. "If I tell you, I can't take it back," he says quietly. "Are you sure you're okay with that?"
"Yes. Please, Sebastian. You can trust me."
Sebastian is looking out the window still. His eyes are distant, his face as tight as ever. "You're my prisoner, angel," he hisses. "Don't forget it."
"I won't. Just tell me." I gasp as his finger slips down from my breast, past my belly button, and slows, moving gently back and forth, along the soft skin between my legs. My neck falls back and all I want is for him to slip it inside of me, for him to make all of the pain go away, but he doesn't. He just keeps running his finger along my skin, tracing it right there, so close.
"I got the job offer when I was eighteen," Sebastian says at last. His voice is heavy and sharp, but sad too. He doesn't meet my gaze. "I never planned to take it. I just, I knew I needed money, and with my reputation for fighting, my nonexistent education history, and my family history, no one would hire me. The only jobs I could get wouldn't pay for shit. I didn't know what to do. But I told you, I was angry back then. I've always been angry, I guess. Angry at the world for doing this to me, angry at my dad for ruining my life, angry at myself for leaving everything behind again and again. These were during my last few weeks with Jodie, and I'd pretty much figured I was going to leave her again too, if I wanted to get a job. But I wasn't ever planning on doing… what I do… until one morning, when I got in a fight with a guy who was smuggling drugs outside of her house. I was angry and I saw him doing something illegal right outside the house of the one person I had left, so I just snapped. I… I almost killed him." Sebastian's eyes are fiery now, bloodshot and angry. I can't help but notice the whiteness in his knuckles, the hurt in his eyes, the intensity rushing off of him. He's broken, I can see that much. Shattered. Trying to find a way to make it all work. "I was just so angry. I beat him and beat him. And I guess Marco and his gang saw my fight, probably because they were the one who sold the drugs in the first place, and when his men started to pull guns on me, Marco held them back. He grabbed my chin with his hands and pulled me up, and I was so scared. I thought he was going to kill me. I thought this was the end. And something about that was also kind of relieving, in its own twisted way. I just wanted him to do it already. To put me out of my misery. But instead, his face broke out into a smile, and he turned back to his men and said, 'This one has potential' and then they all brought me back to their headquarters where Marco offered me a job. To kill people, he said. To kill for them. And I was stupid then. I knew Jodie was getting old and frail and forgetful, and I knew I needed the money to get her care as much as I needed it for myself. I was so desperate back then, and Marco promised me the job would be rewarding, would help get rid of my anger, and when he showed me the money he'd give me for my first job, I just didn't have any other choice." Sebastian takes in a deep breath. Finally, he turns to me, his eyes more intense than I've ever seen them before. "I took it, angel. I fucking took it. And now, five years later, look where I am. It's been two years since I've betrayed him, and he is still after me."