Absolutely anything.
"I can kill him, you know," I say suddenly, horrified by my own words. "If you think that'll help."
Sebastian muscles tense up as soon as the words escape me. He turns over to me, his eyes fiery, his voice filled with anger and something else… fear, maybe? "No. You shouldn't do that. Don’t give that up for me. Don't be like me, angel. You never want to be like me."
"But getting rid of him will take away the pain. And I want us to be happy," I say quietly, staring down at my hands. "Is being happy really too much to ask?"
He keeps shaking his head, his eyes so, so sad. "Don't say that, angel," he whispers. "Please. Just don't say that."
"Okay," I say quietly, my eyes glistening with tears. "Okay."
Chapter Fourteen
The next few days go by quickly, and Sebastian and I stay in the house at the top of the hill, still safe for now. I have no idea how Marco's men found us last time, so I catch myself constantly looking behind me, checking to make sure no one is following me, or is here to kill me, or whatever his men want. But no one is. Not yet, at least. Neither Sebastian nor I go upstairs, which makes me wonder what it is he is hiding from me, but I try not to worry about it. I've learned not to question Sebastian. He is who he is. He does what he does for reasons I'm never going to understand. And at the end of everything, all that matters is that we're together.
Sebastian doesn't let me out of his sight, either, for fear Marco will find me. He takes me into town, watching me the whole time. He gives me money to buy new clothes and food and makeup, and he makes me dye my hair blonde, which doesn't look especially good on me but it makes me look less like myself, at least. There isn't much to do here, nothing but lay low and wait, but at least, in the heart of it all, I have Sebastian. I have someone to hold, someone to love, and that's more than I used to have.
It's Wednesday morning, three weeks since Ash died, that that all changes.
Today, Sebastian brings me into town. We're out of groceries, so he drives me down the hill toward the tiny little town center, which is really just a handful of small buildings clustered together. The "supermarket" he parks in front of is the size of a mini restaurant. A few people sit outside of it, lounging at little glass tables with umbrellas over them, basking in the sun and eating sandwiches and laughing and talking. A water fountain sits to their right, with water pouring out of an angel statue's mouth. Sebastian slips on his dark sunglasses and leads me into the supermarket, keeping my head down.
The place is as antique as it is small, with dark-lacquered wood covering the floors and walls and several shelves filled with an assortment of fruits making up the rest of the store. It smells strongly of sawdust and cinnamon, and it's mostly empty except for a clerk resting boredly against the cash register and a few customers, all of whom seem to be older than fifty, slowly picking food off of the shelves.
I head toward the fridge at the end of the store almost immediately. Sebastian follows, keeping me close.
"What are you doing?" I hiss at him as he follows me all the way to the refrigerator. He leans against it and surveys the store, his eyes like a hawk's.
"Protecting you," he says softly, still wearing that suit of his.
"From who?" I mutter, grabbing a carton of milk and throwing it into my basket. "Do you really think I will be clubbed to death by the old ladies in this store?"
Sebastian turns to me, his blue eyes hard and strong. "This isn't a joke."
"I know, I know. But please, just give me some space for a little bit, okay?"
Sebastian narrows his eyes. "Why?"
"Nothing. I just… I want to be alone for a few minutes. You've been everywhere these last few weeks and I love that because I love you, but… I also need a breather." I sigh. "I just want a few minutes, okay? No one here is going to hurt us here. And anyway," I add, handing him my grocery list. "We need more cheese. I'm sure you can handle that."
His lips purse into a smile at that, but he still looks worried. "Don't go too far, okay, angel? I'll never be able to live with myself if something happens to you. Promise me you'll stay in the store?"
I smile. "I promise."
And then he nods, as if trying to reassure himself, and starts heading over to the cheese aisle, muttering something under his breath. I catch his gaze darting back toward me, though, and I know he's worried. And I like that, weirdly enough. I like being his. I like that he cares so much about me. I like our setup--I like everything I have.
I may not know much about Sebastian, but that doesn't mean I can't love him. Because I do. I love him as much as I wish I wouldn't. Sebastian is addicting, dangerous, and broken. He's the only one who knows how to put the pieces of me back together, the only who knows how to make me feel safe no matter what.
I head over to the front of the store where the muffins are, smiling a little to myself. I realize then that I could potentially live like this, with him, for as long as we need. He is everything I have, anyway. He's every part of my life that matters.
I'm so lost in the thought of Sebastian while I mindlessly put some of the muffins into my basket that I don't even notice the man come up beside me.
I almost jump when I hear his voice, deep and rough, as he reaches into the stack and pulls out a muffin of his own. "You live around here?" he asks in a thick accent, grabbing another muffin to put in his basket.
"Um." I look up to meet his gaze. The first thing that strikes me about him is those eyes. Not just green but a deep green, like a burning emerald, or a serpent of some sort. They're the kind of eyes that once you look at, you can't look away from. They're entrancing, almost, beautiful in an unsettling kind of way. Then there is his deep tan, his jet-black hair that is slicked off to the side, and the thick muscle in his bicep, like he's been through a lot in his life. He's handsome, though. Not sexy like Sebastian is, but dark and attractive in another way. Gruff, I think. There's some kind of pull about him, something strong and undeniable, and as soon as I lock eyes with him, I find myself struggling to breathe evenly. I've never seen him before, that's for sure. He's the kind of guy you'd recognize from a mile away.
I glance back to see if Sebastian is watching, but he's busy fumbling with the cheese, trying to get it out of the fridge. I hesitate as I turn back to the man, wondering whether I should just walk away. Sebastian already told me not to talk to anyone else and I'm just about to obey, but then I remember it's also been three weeks since I've talked to anyone but Sebastian. Plus, this man seems harmless enough, so it can't hurt to answer just one question, right? "No," I admit, nervously shifting my weight to my right foot. "We're just visiting."
"Ah," he says, taking a bite out of one of the muffins. "No wonder I didn't recognize you." Then he steps forward toward me, and suddenly I feel my instincts go off. There is something unsettling about this man, I realize all of a sudden. Something not… right, and I know right away that talking to him was a mistake. My heart starts pounding faster and faster, and I inch back slowly, taking in a deep breath. "Is that your boyfriend?" the man says, pointing to Sebastian, who seems lost in the world of shredded cheese, frowning like he's never been to a grocery before.
"Yes," I say slowly, watching him closely, making sure he doesn't try anything. I debate whether to call for Sebastian to come here, but I know he'll only be angry with me for breaking his rule, and Sebastian's anger isn’t worth it if I'm wrong about this man.
"Interesting," he says and starts stepping away from me, toward the door. A breath of relief escapes me. False alarm. Thank god. "I recognize him, miss," the man continues, still heading toward the door, a serpentine smile tickling at his lips. "In fact, I once knew him."