But no matter what I do, Sebastian never seems to leave my mind. I hate him more and more with each passing day, and sometimes I just clench my fists and imagine he's there, so I can punch him. All I want is for it to be the day that Marco and I go to his house and I get to pull that trigger, once and for all.
I know what I have to do this.
I know I have to end this.
Finally, after what feels like forever, it's time.
The morning of the day Marco takes me to kill Sebastian, I wake up with a start. As soon as I check my alarm, I race into the shower and get dressed, then hurry down the stairs to the door. Marco is waiting for me there, dressed up in one of those overly expensive drug dealer suits, a cigarette dangling from his lips.
"You ready, my love?" he asks, smirking at me, his dark green eyes looking sadistic as ever.
I pull the gun out of my pocket, load it, and then smile. "I've always been ready," I say. He steps forward and kisses me again, his breath hot and full of desire. His hand snakes down my back to my butt, and he smiles at me as he touches me, more of a smirk than a genuine smile.
I force myself to smile back, even though I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable. "What's the plan?" I say, trying to change the subject. It feels off to be this close to him, to have his head on my shoulders, to have him kissing my collarbone like this. It's odd, how he kisses me only for his own desire, not also to make me feel good like Sebastian does. Or, should I say, did.
Marco hands me my cellphone in between his kisses, then pulls back and looks at me with those intense green eyes of his. "You call him," he says. "Tell him I tried to kill you. Tell him you're sorry, and you need to go back to his house. He'll listen to you. He's an idiot, my love, an idiot blinded by his love for you. He won't even see it coming. And then when you go to meet him, I'll accompany you as support, and you get to do the honors." A huge grin spreads across his face. He's been hunting Sebastian so long, I realize, and now, finally, he's going to get him.
All because of me.
I keep my voice as carefree and determined as possible as I say, not looking away, "I'm ready." Then: "And what will you do to my parents, once you get them?"
Sebastian flicks his tongue back and forth in his mouth. "Any requests?" he asks, his green eyes burning into mine like a snake's.
"Keep them alive." I barely hide the hesitation in my voice. "That's all."
He grins harder. "I can do that." He leans in and kisses me again, hot and slippery, so wrong, but I kiss him back anyway, because the utterly wonderful numbness returns when my lips touch his.
He pulls away, barely restraining himself. "Call him," Marco says gruffly, taking in a deep breath. "I'll claim you later. Okay?"
I nod. A part of me is relieved to have him off of me, though, and I automatically hate myself for it. I'm still in love with Sebastian, I think as I start dialing his number. Luckily, the part that hates him for what he did to me largely outweighs the rest.
The phone rings once, twice, three times before someone picks it up. My heart is pounding the whole time, but I keep my eyes narrowed for Marco, who is watching me from the side. I can't look weak. I can't be weak. Not ever again.
I'm ready to do this, I remind myself as my finger brushes over the cool gun in my hand.
I'm ready to end this.
After another minute, there's a click on the other end of the line. I hold my breath as the anger builds back up inside of me, listening to the phone crackle for one second, two seconds. "Angel?" The voice on the other end of the line is full of suspicion, but it's definitely Sebastian's. My whole body hurts. Freezes.
Sebastian.
My Sebastian.
The Sebastian who betrayed me.
Who lied to me.
Who ruined my life.
I bite down on my lip, hard, barely resisting the urge to scream at him. My heart pounds faster and faster, and I let myself morph into the person I'm supposed to be playing: the desperate Crystal, the Crystal who needs Sebastian, not the one who wishes he were dead.
"Sebastian?" I keep my voice as innocent and desperate as possible. "Sebastian, is that… is that you?" I sense Marco smiling at my little performance, knowing this is going to be the end of Marco. I hate myself already for doing this to him, but I know it's right. I know he deserves it.
"Yes, angel. Of course it's me." Sebastian's voice is so sad and broken and intense all at once that it hurts to hear.
I bite down on my lip harder this time. "Marco tried to kill me," I say, making sure my voice cracks for dramatic effect. "He--he's after. Please, Sebastian. I'm sorry for what I said to you. I'm sorry for leaving you. I was just… I was just angry, but now I need you," I whisper. "I need to go back to the house. Will you meet me there?"
There's a pause at the other end of the line, and the phone crackles. My heart pounds faster and faster, but I already know he's going to say yes. I already know he can't say no to me.
The fucking idiot.
"Angel," he says, and his voice is so innocent, so hurt. "I'm sorry. But are you sure this isn't a trap--"
"Of course it isn't," I say quickly, making sure my voice is filled with as much need as possible. I force myself to start sobbing a little, which makes Marco smile. "Please, Sebastian," I say in between tears. "Please, save me."
"Okay okay," Sebastian says quickly, his voice filled with concern. "Come to the house now. I'll be outside waiting for you. I'm sorry," he whispers, and his voice sounds so broken. "I love you, okay?"
"Okay," I say, forcing myself to sob again. "I'll be there."
Then, I take a deep breath, and I hang up. Marco slaps me on the back, laughing to himself, telling me Sebastian is a goner, and I feel a small smile tickle across my lips at that, because I know it's the truth. And even in the silence on the other end of the line, where Sebastian's voice just was, all I can think is one word: I'm going to kill you.
Marco parks his black SUV in the street behind Sebastian's safe house, gliding it to a stop. The sky is starting to darken now, and there is no sound but the slight howling of wind through the branches and chirping of crickets all around us. I slowly open my door and step out, feeling the cool pavement beneath my feet. Marco follows my lead, handing me my gun and looking up at me, his face illuminated by a pale streetlight overhead. Even through the darkness, I can see that same vicious look in his eyes, the look of someone ready for revenge. Kind of like me. "Are you ready?" he asks in a low voice.
I can see that he's ready, too.
I can see he wants to end this as badly as I do.
I check to make sure my gun is loaded, then slip it into my pocket and nod at him. "I've been ready for a long time now," I whisper, meaning it. And right now, in the cool night air, feels like the perfect time to do it.
Marco's smile grows. "Good, my love," he says. "I'll stay behind you. You take care of Sebastian, and I'll do the rest. And then, you'll be all mine. Forever."
I give a small smile. "I know," I say, taking a step toward the house. And then, just like that, I'm off.
The front porch lights are on in Sebastian's safe house, illuminating the expanse of green hill. The whole place is at a deadly hush, like the wind is whispering, waiting for what's about to go down. I keep my hand in my pocket, clenching the gun, as I come around the side of the house, through several entangled bushes, and start walking toward the front door, where I know Sebastian is waiting. The quiet sound of leaves crunching under my feet fills the air, and I listen to the monotonous hum it all, as leave after leave gets destroyed.