nd bertie russell up there with ’im. . skull-face click-clacking. . like ’e knew ’im. . a mother should never have to do that drop a baby off barking reach see him float down there in the oil and all that shit down there what they got down there all that shit. . loved them. . loved them. . no love like it. . swear. . they know nothing ickle-wickle know nothing. . need a firm hand no disputing that need a firm hand strict procedures but love also need a lot of love don’t know what they’re doing. . we don’t know what we’re doing. . oh, jesus — I’m parched. . what’s a girl to do to get a drink round here? you should never ’ave to bury a child in the system. . not because he’s a mental defective. . come over from the ruskies. . state of ’em. . no frat. . no frat. . no freiheit. . gross gott. . but painted ’em up proper. . got some sulpha for the worst of it. . got to. . had to open up for it. . but you expect that. . putting on the agony. . a mental defective. . shaved all his hair off said he was a holy man. . i cried all night i cried. . i was parched. . fließen die tränen, yeah, yeah, mir ewig erneut. . don’t care made to care no one been bad that enough to not care held him. . you don’t know, can’t know — trauma? i’d give you bloody traumas round and round trauma pushing it out and in a foul mood one goes mad putting on the agony. . five die. . ten go mad. . no mother should have to leave him with the pansies but i couldn’t handle him, he was well gone but no mother no son his crown jewels all burnt. . should hold it in a silky sow’s purse not even any balls in there just his winkle maybe not and never thought nothing much of it they done that down our way givvit a little suck and that. . calms ’em, don’t it. . sang to me that night. . my girl don’t stand no cheatin’. . fließen die tränen, yeah, yeah, mir ewig erneut. . always been a sucker for it. . lovely voice. . sing this — sing that, come back to the cottage that time again later it was. . sing lieder like the fat bint in the ruins of the adlon said she’s been a pg. . cut her hair off. . addabei. . addabei. . addablues. . show tunes, happy talk — please embrace me, sweet embraceable you. . sing anything. . lovely voice got his whole hand up me once i swear fingers in my arse too i said i’m not a fucking glove puppet. . i’ve had a bloody kid, i have. . left debbie back in poplar went on the razzle. . up central hall. . maybe conway hall. . dunno. . good people, though. . ideals. . we had ’em. . he made a mud pie, sweet thing with green eyes couldn’t really talk much but names change lovely boy. . pressburger inna jeep. . plenty of fags and upsie-upsie that time what with the bennies and the fags and the okay-tokay. . what’s a girl to do to get a goddamn drink in this lousy saloon. . wild boys. . quis custodiet ipsos custodes, he said when he got back with her from berko carnival, i said kiss custard sick custard. . we had a laugh. . we do have a laugh ’though he’s a mournful sod. . all mournful sods really, all don’t know how thin it is. . it’s so thin this world. . turn your head it’s gone. . it’s so thin. . they walk round inna ring in king william street don’t ever really geddit. . looking for patterns. . shapes. . making mud pies. . stringing ’em up on lamp-posts. . a heap of broken things. . mother shouldn’t never have to see that, don’t care if she’s austrian, bohemian. . kraut. . frisch weht der wind der heimat zu. . don’t care. . shouldn’t have to see that, crown jewels cut off all burnt in his mouth. . shouldn’t’ve gone with ’em. . shouldn’t’ve gone bloody anywhere. . gone there. . gone here. . clean kitchen surfaces best thing there is sign of an orderly mind. . you smile when you smoke cadets. . you smirk when you smoke marijuana. . don’t mind. . don’t mind a little kif. . had some in the garden at the cottage, yokels didn’t have a clue he says responsible. . i say you don’t know shit, boy, wandering you are. . you’re the wanderer far from home you won’t ever get home you wander about go on wandering. . see if i care. . in king william street in a ring. . local authority funding not available — make it bloody available. . these kids. . good kids basically. . need a bit of honest. . firm hand. . obviously. . firm bloody hand. . did you like the film? never went to the film, stayed in looked through the album. . never one for snaps. . old man. . he was. . old man. . fine figure. . that’s the tallyman. . sort ’im out, girl. . sort ’im out. . fine figure bottle of bass. . bottle of bass on his belly fine man. . and little jeanie in jeans. . those inserts sewn up good. . dab hand. . got that nasturtium shmatte in berko. . sewn it in. . looked the bollocks. . right bobby-dazzler. . what’s a girl gotta do. . drinky-poohs. . no mother should have to do that. . bury a child she don’t know what she don’t know don’t talk to me about it. . walk round in a ring. . he was off in — oh i dunno. . maybe the hatch maybe friern he went all over. . he wandered when we came down from yorkshire, couldn’t hold on. . hold on to anything but a skilled man knew his fabrics. . mutti taught him that and there was money there from the factory, they got it back after the war, i think. . don’t know, though. . not gonna take it off a man ill like that i pay my own way. . always worked. . always smelling of gefilte fish. . fish. . hell of a bloody coincidence in the public baths your own cubicle and you could have salt water from one tap which made it all floaty. . some said they went in there and done it sneaked in hot bath sea water bottle of gin. . down barking reach. . no mother shoulda oughta done that to her child. . hell of a bloody coincidence. . what you know about it? nothing — fuck all. . i see him. . i see you. . i dunno. . maybe i done it with my husband too. . that’s what they’re for innit? putting on the agony. . putting on the style. . he was put up somewhere down by queen’s gate — not flash, had to smuggle me in by the fire escape, stood out there with the wind going right up me and when he was at it he talked like he was a madman but he didn’t half go like the clappers. . beautiful singer too. . cried. . tears like rain. . didn’t know he’d the mentals then. . plenty of front. . years later he comes by the cottage and he’s spark-a-loco. . on about coal holes and muffs and what have you. . wanted to know. . said he’d found out from fred egan at the campaign office. . i said fred don’t know shit. . i don’t know neither. . nobody knows. . nobody’s ever going to know. . i don’t — she don’t know. . she don’t know nothing. . i sit up all night at ’er ears. . syringing ’er ears. . she don’t know the fucking pain of it, she don’t know. . i don’t. . no mother should have to do that — push it out like that. . joy? don’t make me fine figure of a man the tallyman always smelling of gefilte fish she don’t know. . i don’t know then maybe when the little one was dead in her i don’t know. . wish i’d something to tell her but I don’t have nothing to tell her, they was all walking round inna ring on king william street. . patronising bastard. . did you enjoy the film? i told her what was what — what she should know all i could. . debbie. . head screwed on tight no need done up proper done up prop— debbie need none done up. . drinky-poohs. . debbie come by tell ’er that. . that no more drinky-poohs. . girl can’t get a baby guinness. . girl can’t get a gin an’ it. . girl gone up the farm with the gripes got that shit inna jar offa them old witches. . drunk it down threw it right back up an’ felt better. . maybe. . eats into you — shit-for-brains. . shit in your drawers. . where the brown-paper bags’re crumpled up. . dunno why i save ’em but i allus do. . eats into you. . fine figure of a man. . patronising bastard. . i told ’er best bloody thing you’ll ever read tell you what’s what time to resist these thin bastards walking round inna ring on king william street did she listen. . don’t know fucked off gone off whoring i think. . never sure ’bout that but my suspicions. . i had. . she come up the club. . put it about. . junkie whore, val said, i fucking hit him with me knucks. . the cunt — what does he know maybe i shoulda told her then. . when. . when the baby was dead in her. . no, not then. . when she was littler ’cause she was smart. . she kept on at me, kept on asking. . when will you pay, says the bitch of. . well. . when will you? dunno. . eats into you. . eats into your lungs. . feel it. . don’t matter what like they what put in me what they like morphine. . barbs. . i dunno. . still eats into you. . eats you. . teeth, not claws. . hell of a bloody coincidence. . sweet nature. . gentle. . held my hand tight ’cause she was scared and she woulda been. . dunno. . no teeth — that’s a laugh. . she ’eld my hand. . hell of a coincidence. . not claws teeth. . grows more teeth. . pull out its teeth. . pull ’em outta your belly. . burn ’em out. . poison ’em. . fucker grows more teeth. . come after you. . fine figure of a man but ’e ’ad the mentals something chronic. . singing. . talking. . carrying on all night. . saw him. . hung up there in brattycoleslaw. . or pressburger. . i dunno. . strung up proper cut his crown jewels off and stuck ’em in ’is mouth set fire to them others too. . never forget the smell of burning flesh candlestick burnt out and bacon both whole flitch got up from ’ansen’s on tick whole flitch. . fine figure of a man. . threw ’im in off the wall at barking reach. . threw ’im in the donau. . lovely water beautiful saw the lights of old wien. . then he come up on me with mates an’ I don’t know. .’appens all the time cocks and cunts. . horses and carriages. . peace in our time. . when i’m minted that’s a fucking laugh when’s that gonna be? i don’t think so. . paid my way. . paid theirs inall. . paid my way. . went over poplar, was it? dunno, bought ledger experience. . no, wing it. . always good at picking things up. . pick up clerking. . pick up typing. . pick up kraut. . bit of french. . mon semblable. . mon frère. . what’s that you say. . you like it? pick up teaching. . pick up books. . what i don’t know ain’t worth knowing and it ain’t worth knowing what I know neither. . the old man. . fine figure of a patronising bastard on king william street. . he come by. . pay his way grant ’im that. . bring a bottle of scotch. . voddie. . pack of fags. . flitch of bacon — on tick, ’course. . do the crossword. . never a cross word between us. . couldn’t be. . spend all day riling ’im up he’d never create. . not a creative man. . ’elpful, though. . good with pen-pushers. . push it in never fight old cunt never fought fighting old cunt fucked in the scullery, me? rich? don’t think so. . not jealous never jealous told her never jealous read this. . read that took an interest she went off on the road whoring. . oh, what’s a girl gotta do to get a drink in this place, me. . rich? i don’t think so went over shoreditch way picking up bits of stuff to run up at home. . curtains. . blackouts. . bit of crêpe de chine. . chenille. . dunno. . run it proper, run it prop—. . fine figure of a patronising bastard wouldn’t fight — couldn’t fight. . flowing round king william street in a ring. . i told her don’t ever depend on them keep your independence. . never know if they’ve got the mentals ’til they shoot off, then it all comes out in the wash. . same thing day after day one in ten go mad one in five kill themselves. . never killed myself. . never. . wanted to lots of times put them in the canal or seconal. . better than fucking walking down the tow path with their skin hanging off their little backs she had her skin hanging off her little back better off dead like the burning boy. . crown jewels cut off the patronising bastard in stepney. . you can have the job. . i know your old man what ’e done was go down barking reach. . bollocks. . you can have the job if you do me a small service. . small cock. . small service. . pay me. . he. . pay me. . laughed all the way ’ome. . choked ’im off proper. . three iron crosses for a fag. . schippen the bastard out. . go find the hausobermann. . go find the tallyman. . go find your co. . up at the old-fucking-bailey. . i don’t think so. . no local government funding for that. . all my poor boys. . mongols. . retarded. . didn’t know much then tried all we could think it could’ve been better i don’t know. . patronising bastards. . boysie don’t go by the donau, don’t swim in there — no frat. . shouldn’t’ve gone with them to bratty-. . bratty-. . bratty-. . no — pressburger. . eating into his own cock and balls ’e was. . all burnt on the floor. . not in stepney. . payback. . not in stepney offa brick lane. . poor little sausage. . burnt sausage. . crown jewels all burnt in the sleeping bag. . no mother should have to go through that. . she shouldn’t’ve had to go through that. . went down saint mary’s. . she’d already gone they said. . patronising bastard walking round in a ring on king william street. . went down saint mary’s sat up all night holding her hand nice cool flannel on ’er forehead. . that all right my love? not in stepney. . come back round stepney way that’s what they’re for. . innit? putting on the agony. . putting on the style. . he said bit of a bloody coincidence. . i told him a coincidence. . coincidence is she don’t know and i don’t know and you don’t know we all don’t know that’s the bloody coincidence. . it’s a wise child — and she ain’t one. . our fucking father fine figure of a man in wherever. . over bow way it was. . up by the canal there. . choked ’im off sharpish. . done ’im up proper. . done up prop—. . what’s a girl gotta do to get a drink in this miserable gaff. . i’m fucking parched. . fließen die tränen, yeah, yeah, mir ewig erneut. . too fucking parched for that. . down poplar baths — or in barking reach. . or in the canal. . maybe. . anything’s better than ’aving ’em burnt to buggery like that girl in the photo ’er skin all ’anging off ’er. . oh, i dunno. . speak proper. . speak up prop—. . patronising bastard. . all the couples form a ring on king william street. . i don’t know. . she don’t know. . he don’t know. . he don’t know neither. . the great bell of bloody bow don’t know. . hell of a coincidence. . never forget the smell of gefilte fish. . dying for a fag. . here comes a