Like she didn't know that. Theo took a careful breath.
"I have an appointment with my mentor right after we're finished here," she said, her voice sounding thin and not too steady.
The Safety nodded. "I'll append my recommendations to Professor Viverain's report," she said. "Your mother and your mentor will receive both – and of course a copy will be placed in your file."
"Sure it will," Theo muttered, which was stupid, but if the Safety heard, she decided to pretend otherwise.
"All right," Viverain called as the A-Teamers and the Safety left the court. "Time to get going, people! There's another team coming in to play!"
* * * *
Marjene's booth was in Grandmother's Library, all the way over in Quad Three. Theo arrived late, which Marjene was bound to mark her down for. At the least, it was disrespectful to be late to a meeting. At the worst, according to Dr. Wilit, being late to a meeting could be seen as an attempt to assert superiority over the other attendees.
She certainly didn't want to be disrespectful of Marjene. Marjene was there to help her. And as for asserting superiority – if her ribs didn't ache so much, Theo might've laughed. And she really didn't want another note in her file.
Still, she couldn't quite make herself hurry across the Service Zone's wide lobby. She set her feet carefully, and kept to the edge, where there was less traffic, rather than cutting straight across the middle to Grandmother's door.
Most of the traffic came from the Mother-Daughter Center, where women who were secure enough in their careers went to arrange for a child. They passed Theo briskly, some by themselves, some arm-in-arm with a friend, some with heads together, giggling; some serious. Theo bit her lip. Kamele would have taken Aunt Ella with her, when she decided it was time; they would have gone through the files, and checked them against Kamele's Daughter Book, where she'd written down all the hopes and dreams she had for her own child. They'd have made their choice; filed it, and paid the fee. After the mandatory three-day waiting period, Kamele would have returned for the implant, confident in her choice.
Theo sighed, wondering bleakly if Kamele would have continued, had she known that all of her careful planning would produce a physically challenged daughter who couldn't go three days in a row without getting another note in her file.
Probably not, she decided. And as for the unknown sperm donor...
The door to Grandmother's Library was just ahead. Theo took a deep breath, wincing when her ribs grabbed, and put her hand on the plate.
She hadn't gone two steps down the row, when her mentor swept out of the booth at the right rear, and folded her into a voluminous embrace, pack and all.
"Sweetie! You must be exhausted." She stepped back, to Theo's relief; Marjene's hug had hurt her bruised ribs.
"Come on back," her mentor was saying. "I've ordered us some juice and cookies."
Theo sighed. Marjene always ordered juice and cookies. Sharing food was a social method of reinforcing a personal bond, Dr. Wilit said. Following Marjene down the dim, carpeted hallway to her booth, Theo wondered what shape their relationship might have taken without the frequent application of sugared snacks.
That's not fair, she told herself sternly, as she slid her pack off, and swung up onto a stool. Marjene was here to help her.
"Here you are, sweetie." Marjene put a disposable cup in front of her, and Theo bit her lip. Two "sweeties" inside of as many minutes was not good news. Marjene must've already read the incident report.
Theo picked the cup up, more for something to do with her hands than because she wanted the juice. What she wanted to do was get out her handwork, and just... be alone... for a while. Unfortunately, it didn't look like she was going to be alone anytime soon, and as for the handwork... Marjene would be disappointed if Theo succumbed to her "nervous habit," and Marjene was already plenty disappointed.
Theo sipped the tepid, too sweet beverage, put the cup back on the table, and folded her hands tightly together on her lap.
"That's better," her mentor said, sitting back with a smile. "You've had quite an eventful few days, haven't you? Is there anything you'd like to share?"
No, Theo thought crankily; there isn't. She didn't feel like talking to anybody. She wished she was sitting on the bench in the garden at home, the breeze in her hair, and the birds chattering in the jezouli bushes...
Marjene's face suddenly went all wavy and soft as Theo's eyes filled with tears. She tried to blink them away, but they spilled over. Horrified, she looked down, and the tears dripped onto the tense knot work of her fingers.
"I guess you've seen the reports already," she said, her voice wobbly. "How I made Lesset fall yesterday, and hit Roni with a ball just now at teamplay."
There was a small pause before Marjene said, "Well, yes, I have seen them. But they only tell me what happened. They don't tell me how you feel, Theo."
Theo sniffed and thought about Coyster, which was a mistake, because that made her think about her room at home, and her mobile, and her pictures, and the fish swimming in the floor...
"I feel bad," she said, and reached for one of the disposacloths Marjene always had on hand, dried her face and blew her nose. Her mentor waited until she had finished, and nodded encouragingly when Theo raised her head.
"Hurting other people does make us feel bad," Marjene said gently. She tapped the display set into the table before her. "Yesterday's incident report states that Lesset wasn't injured, which is very fortunate. Today, though – Roni was physically hurt, and badly frightened, too."
Theo nodded and swallowed. "She got in front of the ball."
Marjene looked at her with gentle disappointment.
"Roni may have gotten in front," she said, "but you threw the ball. I know you didn't hurt her deliberately, Theo, but you did hurt her. You must take responsibility for your own actions – and the consequences."
"I know," Theo sighed, and untangled her fingers so she could have another sip of too-sweet juice that did nothing to ease the dryness of her throat. "I did hit her with the ball. But she was in the wrong place – out of position. If she hadn't – "
"Theo," Marjene said sternly. "Are you about to cast blame?"
She bit her lip, put the cup down and stared at it, hard, for several heartbeats, as she followed the thought to its conclusion.
"Stating a fact," she said slowly, looking up into Marjene's round brown eyes, "isn't casting blame. I threw the ball – that's a fact. The ball hit Roni in the nose – that's a fact. Roni was out of position – that's a fact, too. And it's also a fact that she wouldn't have gotten hit in the nose if she'd been in First Ring, where she belonged."
Marjene blinked, and looked down at her display, lips pursed.
"I... see," she said eventually. When she looked up again, her face was sad.
"Theo, I'm going to tell you something that maybe I shouldn't, but I can't just sit back and let you continue to hurt people – and yourself! I want what's best for you, and this – this isn't good for you." She leaned across the table and put her hand over Theo's.
"Sweetie, you know you're physically limited. Your mother and I have talked to you about it; you've seen the notes in your file. What you may not have known is – we can help you, Theo. You don't have to, to knock down your friends, or hurt your teammates. There are medications – very simple, very safe medications – that can cure you!"
Theo wished Marjene didn't have her hand pinned to the table. She also wished that Marjene would stop looking at her like she was a wet kitten or something...