I don’t want to talk about love and feelings with Joel. It’s weird and it makes me feel all uncomfortable and shit. I screw up my face. Now it’s my turn to look at him like he’s the idiot.
“Love is timeless? Okay, Dalai Lama. You’re so inspiring. I might get that tattooed on my chest.”
“Will you two keep it down?” Ted snaps from one of the brown couches. “Shit.”
Joel snorts as he reaches inside the pocket of his checkered pants and pulls out a cigarette.
“You wanna go outside?”
I glance out the small window above the kitchen sink. How cold is it out there? Zero?
“I’ll pass.”
“All right.” He slides off the bench, tucking the cigarette behind his ear. “A slow death for one, got it.”
Shaking my head, I turn around and saunter toward the stairs.
“You gonna do it, Jai?” He utters, making me turn around. “You going to help me get her back?”
With nervous fingers, he toys with his lighter, flipping it over and over with his tips, reminding me of the Joel I knew as a kid. He was always flicking coins and twirling pens. Whenever he was in trouble, he’d toy with his special coin. It had a scary clown on one side and a werewolf on the other. I swallowed it when I was six.
“When were you planning on doing it?” I ask.
“It’s almost five in the morning and we’ll need our sleep tonight so...tomorrow night.”
The decision I’m about to make could possibly be the worst decision I’m ever going to make…but it needs to be done. I can’t carry the guilt of letting him go on his own. If something happens—something my presence could have prevented—it will destroy me. I nod, carving it in stone.
“Okay.” I say. “I’ll do it.”
Six
****
Trouble
Emily
I tilt my head back, letting the warmth of the morning sun caress my face. It’s the first morning in a while that hasn’t been overly chilly. The occasional whip of breeze stings against the bare skin on my neck, but it’s not cold enough to turn my nipples into sharp icicles.
“And she was insane, right? Hands down the loudest female I’ve ever fucked.”
I roll my eyes, shifting my attention from Ted’s animated, and extremely inappropriate, storytelling to Huss who is laying on his side, relaxed and pain-free. It’s amazing considering no one could look at him yesterday without him complaining like a baby.
Huss runs the inside of his thumb along the bright, yellow petal of a prematurely picked Helenium flower and I find myself staring at it’s dark center, lost in its interesting texture.
I love fall flowers and ornament grasses. Their warm tones mesh well with the browning of leaves and—a light brush over my forearm pulls me from my thoughts as Huss drags the flower up my forearm and then down again. I tilt my head, amazed. Does he have a death wish? As he pushes the soft petals along the inside of my elbow, I pluck it from his fingers, giving him a smug smile.
“You’re gonna get yourself into trouble.” I state, tossing the flower over my shoulder.
Huss’s gray eyes flare as his lips pull into a smirk. “Is trouble your nickname?”
I snort. Smooth.
“Cut it out.” Ted orders, ripping up a handful of grass and tossing it in Huss’s direction. Sadly the featherweight blades blow away in the breeze instead of hitting him in the face. “Jai will kill you and dump your body in the lake and I’m not going to stop him.”
“They’re not dating.” Huss states with a glance at me. “Are you?”
Heat spreads up my neck. “Yes—no—I mean, technically we’re not, but—”
“Then no harm done.” He says, looking back to Ted.
“There’s a little harm done.” Ted argues, resting his thick forearms on his black, cargo-clad knees. “What you’re doing is disrespectful and if you don’t knock it off, there’ll be a lot of harm done—specifically to your physical being.”
I plant my hands on the grass and lean back, locking my elbows as I straighten my legs and cross my ankles.
“Why are you so scared?” Huss asks, pulling a blade of grass from the ground. He doesn’t look at it as he folds it with his fingers, turning it into a little square.
“He’s a bad motherfucker. The punishment I’ve seen him deal on people...trust me, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of it.”
Huss flicks the blade of grass at Ted who swats at it as it hits his cheek and falls to the ground. Huss can talk all he wants. I know he’s only poking fun. Boys like him love to ruffle feathers and stir the pot. It’s the excitement of playing with others that makes them feel fulfilled. Even if he’s serious he should know he’s wasting his time. I’ve never been more uninterested in having sex in my life. Maybe it’s because of the giant skull tattoo on his head…or maybe it’s because I’m too caught up in someone else. Whatever the reason, Huss and I will never happen.
“Jai will eat you alive and you know it.” I laugh and Huss opens his mouth to protest me.
“Anyway,” I say, turning my attention to Ted. “You didn’t finish your story.”
Ted perks up, an incredulous smile inching its way across his lips. I don’t know why he insists on retelling his sex stories. Some are so farfetched I doubt they even happened.
He clears his throat. “As I was saying, when she’d orgasm she’d lose the fucking plot—and not in that sexy, can’t control her legs kind of way.”
Huss is the first to ask. “How’d she come?”
Ted’s flawless, seemingly pore-less, face glazes over in shock and horror as he recalls the event. His stunning golden eyes are bright in the light of the sun, making the black specks of coal visible.
“She’d start punching me in the face, calling me all the names of her exes in alphabetical order. Adam. Punch. Andrew. Punch. Brendan. Wham.” He shuffles closer, eager to get the rest out. “Get this, she was riding me, right, hard. As I was about to come, she jumped off of me and punched me in the fucking nuts.”
A howl of laughter bubbles up my throat and rips out of my mouth. I have to meet this girl. I need to put a face to a name—or orgasm, in this case.
Huss winces, his whole body tightening. “You’re full of shit.”
Ted inches closer. “I swear on my Mama’s life this girl punched me in the nuts right before I was about to blow.”
When he is certain Ted’s story is verified, Huss laughs. He laughs so hard he rolls onto his back to laugh up at the sky. In my chest, my own laughter creates bubbles of genuine happiness—a happiness I imagine comes when you joke around with siblings. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this hard. Over our laughter, I hear the back door slap against the outside wall. I can’t see who it is through the tears that squeeze themselves from my eyes, blurring my vision.
“I had to get an x-ray to make sure it wasn’t broken, I wasn’t allowed to get erections, and I couldn’t piss straight for a week. That’s why I don’t fuck with white girls anymore.”
Un-bunching my blue hoodie from my elbows, I swipe at my eyes with its sleeve and blink away the blurriness the tears left in time to see Jai saunter over, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looks good from every angle, especially in his tight black tee that clings to his chest and arms. Last night, he was miserable when he went bed—cranky and clipped—but this morning he woke up content. He and Joel even spoke casually at breakfast, neither inciting rage in the other. It’s nice to see them get along. Their faces are eerily similar when they’re not baring teeth at each other.
“Do I want to know?” Jai asks, his dark eyes scanning over us.
I shake my head. “Definitely not.”
“What’s Joel doing?” Ted asks pushing himself to his feet.
“Polishing the guns and counting the ammunition.”