Love? you ask. Yes. Much of nature is love. Love is beyond the functions of reproduction and societies and self-preservation. And I felt love many times, though never at the lowest rungs of nature's ladder where it has no place. And I was loved many times – loved by mates and offspring and even groups.
Sexual activities are participated in at all levels, of course, in some form. However, these activities are anticipated, enjoyed at any time, and truly creative only in humans. There is no such thing as recreational sex anywhere but in humans and occasionally whales or great apes.
Sex makes the experience of love, though love is certainly not required, an entirely different experience than it is in any other creature.
These two things – love enhanced by sex and sex for the sheer fun of it – have drawn me back to being human more than any other reason.
I said you would think me unbelievably unimaginative. After all, I have never before been a human female.
I have been female before. A female black widow holds unusual status in her society, for instance. I've even been female in animal societies which only barely tolerate their female members most of the time. I did this to feel the wonder of giving birth, primarily.
I told you that I am covetous to the extreme. I make my choices of next life by watching something I think it would be interesting or illuminating to be for a time.
Since my first time as a human, I've tried many lives, unnoticed before, only out of intellectual curiosity. I'm the only being alive outside of the whales, who knows their migratory patterns. I'm the only being alive outside of several types of birds, who knows their homes. I'm the only being alive who knows the lifestyle of the shark. I'm the only being alive who even knows several forms of life exist in the deep oceans and in the microscopic world.
Since I take my pleasures this way, why would I want to be a part of a beaten, deprived, usually ignored, and weak entity? I've always seen women in this way.
If I wanted to be kept or to bear offspring or to be thought beautiful or to be worshiped for my gender, I could choose other animal kingdoms. The lion male is kept by his pride. The gestation period for a vole is only a few weeks and the offspring are almost immediately on their own. Many of the male bird species are very beautiful. The queen bee or ant is worshiped and catered to, though I found that to be a mind-numbing life.
Oh, I saw human females I admired in my time as a human. But the male lives had all the advantages and none of the downside.
So my choice of being a human female now is a real sign of the times. For the first time, I believe now I can enjoy a female life. I can dismiss all the downside of human female life and participate in society in whatever capacity I choose. Thanks to contraception, I don't have to accept pregnancy and birth and child rearing for 20 years as an inevitable result of sex. Thanks to the new norms, I can work in any human capacity I wish. Thanks to new moralities, I can do with my body as I wish, taking advantage of being a sexual being, without worrying about being stoned or imprisoned or shunned on any scale.
I can be shaman again if I wish. I can lead from the background as I never could before.
I can be huntress since weapons require only will and training and not enormous strength. If I wish, I can search out and destroy evil from a perspective never allowed me and from a cover that few would suspect.
I have waited many lives for this opportunity. Know that I will take full advantage.
Chapter 2
I had been a dog for almost 15 years. There's a lot to be said for a dog's life. I was well fed – overfed and fat because of it actually – well cared for, and loved. For a dog, I was also quite old. As a trusted pet of a busy family, I was pretty well able to do all the exploring I wanted to do and was pretty well left to my own devices unless I purposely intruded on my family.
All this hadn't been the case for the majority of my dog life. I'd chosen to be a mid- sized mixed breed with soft, moderate length golden hair. I told you I always look toward my own comfort in all my lives. This type of dog seemed to get the vast majority of the good opportunities in dog life – not kept as a breeder by good pedigree, not so small as to get picked on constantly, not so large only the male society would keep me. I was male but not a fighter.
Unfortunately, soon after my incarnation, I learned that any dog's life on its own in a city is difficult and dangerous. Food is certainly available though of mediocre quality. Water is more difficult though possible. I was attacked by a pack of dogs in one neighborhood. I understood their territoriality but didn't enjoy the flight from them at all. Street kids shot a gun at me and, thanks only to nimble feet, missed.
A dog's life on the big city streets involves a lot of dodging cars and people while having few positive aspects. People ignore dogs in big cities or, worse, actively shun them for fear of disease. The few who pay attention to a dog in these circumstances are living a worse than dog's life themselves, are looking for something to take out their inherent evil on, or are trying to catch and thereby clear the streets of him.
I "belonged" to a derelict for a time. Soon, that was too boring to stand though offering a lot of freedom. I was only barely missed by a dog catcher. Again I was saved by my knowledge of the area and very fast footwork.
That's when I began the trek out of the city.
Man is very ignorant of his surroundings. They live in their cities without realizing that the majority of the activity of the world is not happening there. But on the edge of the enclaves, the world awaits. As soon as I gained the edge of the city, I began to see signs of life again -what men would call "wildlife".
Life was much easier for me in the countryside. With my experience, I am a very good hunter and fed myself easily. The water was much better quality and readily available. The other predators were non-existent at my competitive level. The wolves, bears, and big cats have been systematically erased from the ecology surrounding any city. Even the few small dog packs I met didn't feel impelled to defend their territory from me. I made it known that I was only passing through. There were no human predators.
Unfortunately, a dog has an innate need for companionship that seems, in the domestic varieties, to require human attention. Other dogs are a comfort but not the same thing at all. Beyond this, one of my purposes for being a dog was to investigate human society for another possible life as a man. If I'd wanted to be a wild dog, I would have chosen to be a dingo or coyote, two highly intelligent animal species with no need for humans.
My searches passed up some opportunities. There were several farms but the people on farms look on dogs as work animals. That's too similar to the "wild" life with additional negative requirements. At least, they are negative requirements as far as I'm concerned. Other dogs enjoy the sense of purpose in being a work dog.
Now, a small town is as good a place for a dog as a large city is bad. People's attitudes toward dogs are more positive and they seem to have the time to stop and talk and pet a decent looking dog. Unless they have some special problem, they rarely have the need for dog catchers and if they do, dogs are frequently saved from the animal shelters by those looking for a pet. Food and water from the countryside is nearby if garbage cans and handouts are not available. Even the streets do not taste and smell of rubber and noxious gases and wastes.
It took only two days for me to locate a family. It took that long only because I had to research a little. And I was pretty old already and seeing the change nearing. I was 13 at the time. Two years ago.
I began the effort as, I suppose, all homeless dogs do. I went to a school. I watched the kids as they played and remembered the ones who were the best kids with the fewest nasty traits. Then I began following them home without their knowledge. One young girl had a very abusive father. While he occasionally hit her, I knew he would enjoy having a dog around to abuse with even more relish. A boy I followed disliked dogs and another had some type of allergy that didn't allow for animal hair. One had eight brothers and sisters and I didn't think I could stand that much attention.