The days passed slowly. For every inch Michael felt he’d gained on winning back his family, Annie pushed him back a mile. She was determined to keep him at arm’s length. Her pride wouldn’t allow anything more. They continued to play the same painful game, each insistent to be the winner, but neither being sure of the prize or the cost attached to achieving it.
After another long day of attempted congeniality, Annie tucked Angel into her crib for an afternoon nap and doubled-checked on Sammi before returning to the living room. Michael was kneeling next to the couch gathering the scattered toys and putting them into the wooden toy box beside the fireplace. Silently, she joined him in the task.
“What time is it?” he asked, tossing the last toy into the box.
“You don’t have to stay, Michael, if that’s what you’re thinking. They’ll be asleep for a while.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind. Besides, I promised Sammi we’d go into town later for ice cream.”
Annie sighed with distress. “Sammi it too young to care about getting ice cream. So, why don't you tell me why you're really here?”
He glanced at her with curiosity. “To spend time with my kids.”
That can’t be the only reason, because you and I both know all it would take is one quick phone call to our lawyers and a visitation schedule could be agreed to this very afternoon. You could be seeing the girl’s at your own place instead of wasting your days here.”
Michael slid onto the couch and rubbed the fatigue from his face. “What are you trying to say, Annie? Are you uncomfortable having me around so much?”
“To be brutally honest, yes, I am.”
“Then I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. I was only doing it this way to make it easier on the kids since this is the only house they’ve ever known.”
“Yes, I’ll give you that. But I’m also sensing there is more to your reasoning than what you just said.”
He gazed at her thoughtfully, his eyes reflecting a mournful sense that made her heart lurch. Then he bent forward, resting his elbows against his firm thighs, with his hands pressed together as if he were praying.
“Okay, if I can be brutally honest, I'm here because I also wanted to spend time with you. I miss being with you.”
She cringed when she heard his words and shrunk back against the toy box. “I was afraid you might say something like that.”
“Why? Does it upset you to think I’d still want to spend time with you?”
“Yes.”
“Can I ask why?”
Annie leaned forward, obviously agitated by his comments. “Because we’re divorced! This can’t be healthy for either of us.”
“Would you like me to leave?” he asked defensively, and stood as if to depart.
She shook her head. “No, that isn’t the point. All I’m trying to say is, it’s been very difficult for me to re-establish a life without you, and somehow I manged to do just that. I’m in a good place now. The girls are happy and we’re surviving. Then, all of a sudden, Daddy strolls back into our lives and everything is supposed to be okay? I can’t pretend, and I refuse to sweep our divorce under the rug as if it never happened.”
“I’m not asking you to do that and I don’t expect you to pretend!” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Maybe it sounds crazy, but I was hoping we might find some way to be friends again.” He forced a weak smile to his lips and shrugged in defeat. “That’s all I was looking for, Annie. No games and no hidden agendas. In the long run, I think that’s best for the kids. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Of course I’d agree. But, what I’m saying is, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to be your ‘friend’. I left for a very specific reason, Michael, and when I did, I pushed you out of my heart and my head. I’m not sure I want you taking up space in either place again.”
He tipped his head back against the couch. She could tell by the painful look on his face, every word she spoke was like another stab to his heart. There was a day, when she thought this action would have brought her relief and happiness watching him squirm in agony. But now, the reality of seeing it brought her nothing but more despair.
“Please, don’t keep the kids from me,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion, as he stared blankly at the ceiling.
“I have no intention of doing that, as long as you stay sober. The girls deserve a father, and for better or worse, you are it.”
He lifted his head to meet her gaze. Emotion made his eyes glisten. “I understand why you feel the way you do toward me and I wish beyond reason I could change that. I'm thinking now, that's probably never going to happen. But I need the kids in my life, Annie. They're the only thing I've got left, and the reason I still have my sanity. While I was in rehab, all I could think about was getting clean and seeing the girls and you again. Now that I'm out, I'm realizing the fight I have on my hands to prove myself all over again to them, and to you.”
He stood and sauntered over to the window with his hands dug deeply into the pockets of his jeans. “You know, I’ve never had to fight for anything or anyone in my personal life before and I’m not afraid of the challenge associated with that. It will only make the victory more meaningful when it happens.”
He reached for the doorknob to the deck door. Then, as he began to turn it in his hand, he faced her. “I’m going for a walk. Maybe when I get back, the girls will be awake and we can go for that ice cream.”
As soon as she heard the door click tight, Annie began to cry. Annie could sense that his emotion hung heavily around his neck like an iron cross. His heart adorned his sleeve. He seemed so genuine and likable, it made hating him all the harder, but still she did. Even smelling the subtlety of his cologne lingering in the room after his departure angered her. It was cruel of him to be around, torturing her with the smoothness of his voice and smile.
She moved to the window to find him. He was standing at the water’s edge, his long hair blowing across the tops of his shoulders as he skipped stones over the white caps. The memory of the day he had taught her to do the same trick danced into her brain. She shook the thought from her head and padded into the kitchen for a glass of water. It was so much easier to hate him when he wasn’t around, she thought.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
When the girls finally woke, Annie went to the deck and called to Michael. A few minutes later, he was preparing them for the trip into town.
“Why don’t you come with us?” he asked for a second time, as he adjusted the diaper bag over his shoulder.
And for a second time, she shook her head.
Michael reached for the baby and placed her into his lap. “It's just ice cream, Annie. No strings attached or implied with it, I promise,” he teased, trying to make light of the situation. Then Sammi began to tug on her mother's leg. “That's two against one,” he laughed. “Now you have to come with us.”
Annie rolled her eyes and groaned in protest. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.”
He made small talk as they drove the back roads into the town of Vineyard Haven, and Annie half listened. He was making it seem too normal, as if no bitterness remained between them, and it disturbed her. In town, she maintained a cool distance from him and ignored the subtle glances he kept directing her way. After getting their ice cream, Michael pushed the carriage down toward the ferry dock in time to show Sammi a large passenger vessel gliding into a nearby slip.