“Sammi forgot her blanket,” he answered flatly, watching Jay intently as he slid on a pair of jeans without any attempt to hide his nakedness. “I thought it might be easier for her to sleep at my place if she had it.”
“Oh my God! Are the kids with you?”
“They’re in the car. I figured I’d only be a minute getting the blanket.”
When Jay finished buttoning his shirt, he plunked himself back on the couch with a loud irritated sigh. His eyes connected with Michael’s in a lengthy stare. A pained look of total despair registered on Michael’s face, even with nothing more than moonlight spilling in through the over-sized windows to light the room. It was impossible for Jay to see it and not make a comment.
“Jesus, you’re still in love with her,” he exhaled, finally aware of what he had suspected for weeks.
Until then, it had been a notion Jay had only sensed, nothing concrete. It was an invisible current he had seen on more than one occasion passing between Annie and Michael. So subtle, in fact, he wondered if they were even aware of it. But seeing the expression of anguish blurring Michael’s facial features, it suddenly became all too clear. He knew, then, there would never be a chance in hell for him to share Annie’s life as long as Michael was still in the picture. The connection Michael continued to share with her was far too powerful for him to match.
“Michael, could you wait outside on the deck? I’ll be right out with Sammi’s blanket,” Annie yelled from the bedroom.
Without replying to Jay’s statement, Michael stepped out onto the deck and walked to the railing. He bent over the wooden structure, thankful for the brisk chill blowing in off the water. It seemed to be the only thing preventing the rush of nausea from overpowering his body. Seeing Annie with Jay was more than his heart could bear, and yet; he knew it was inevitable. She was moving on with her life and loving men was sure to be a part of it. But knowing that didn’t ease the pain of the reality for him. A piece of his heart died at that very moment.
Annie slid up beside him on the deck and gently poked Sammi’s soft yellow blanket into his line of vision. Unconsciously, she had covered herself with the black silk robe Michael had given to her as a gift a few Christmases ago and had it loosely tied around her waist. “Here, give this to Sammi and tell her I’m sorry I forgot to pack it.”
Michael turned and gazed down at her. The moonlight danced across her face in the most delicate of ways, making her appear almost angelic to him. “I’m really sorry about that,” he sighed and shook his head as if trying to delete the vision from his memory. “But you did say you’d be out all night.”
Annie forced a weak smile. “I know. We had a change of plans. I’m embarrassed you walked in on that.”
Michael turned his head back toward the ocean and nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he replied, toying with his fingers. “More than you know.”
“You must have used your old key to get in?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did,” he answered, not looking at her face. “Do you want it back?”
She smiled awkwardly. “No, you can keep it,” she shrugged ambivalently.
Somberly, he made his way to the steps leading off the deck, then stopped, facing her in the darkness again. “Listen,” he spoke softly. “Tell, Jay I’m sorry for the intrusion. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Annie remained on the deck until she heard his car engine rev, then returned to her living room. Jay was sitting on the couch, pulling on his boots.
“I’m sorry that just happened but you don’t have to leave because of it,” she said, aware Jay was preparing to depart.
Jay sat upright and studied her face before he spoke. “Annie, don’t be sorry. I think I needed to see that to believe my instincts were true.”
Annie cocked her head in confusion.
“Don’t get me wrong. I like Michael. Everyone in the business likes him so this isn’t meant to be negative, but I’ve never liked him always being underfoot here. I know you two share kids together and he wants to see them. But from the start, he’s never understood the boundaries involved here. At first, I thought you were afraid to explain the boundaries to him. Now, I’m thinking you enjoy him being here, more so than not.”
Jay slid his long fingers around the back of her neck and kneaded the tender flesh. Annie’s eyes dropped to her lap as heavy tears began to drip from her cheeks.
“I’ve always been completely honest with you, Annie. And for that reason, I have to tell you I really don’t see this thing between us working. And it’s not because of our touring schedules or your kids.”
“Then why?”
He raised her chin with his fingers and gazed straight into her eyes. “I believe you already know the answer to that question, my love. I can’t share you with him. It is obvious there are still some lingering feelings between you, whether you want to acknowledge them or not. Maybe you can’t see it or maybe you refuse to see it, but as an outsider surveying the situation, it is very obvious to me.”
Jay stroked the softness of her tear stained cheek. “When I’m with you, I feel as if he’s right there with us. I can’t compete with that. And frankly, my ego isn’t strong enough for the challenge.”
“I’m not sure I agree with what you’re saying, Jay. I’m not ‘in love’ with him anymore. He’s nothing more to me than the father of my children.”
“You may want to believe that, but it's because you won't allow yourself to get beyond the hurt he's caused you. If you scrape all the pain off the top I think you'll see it for what it is, Annie. Maybe it's time you buried the anger and gave him another chance.”
Annie couldn’t believe what she was hearing and moved away from Jay on the couch. “Do you have any idea how many chances I’ve already given him?” Angrily she got off the couch and moved to the window overlooking the beach. “It will never work with Michael. We’ve already tried it, and it was a disaster from the start.”
Jay got off the couch and slid on his jacket. “I will never lie to you, Annie, and I’m telling you the truth now as I see it. You’re still in love with him and, after the reaction I saw on his face tonight, it is more than obvious he is still head over heels for you too.”
Annie shook her head in defiance. “That’s not true. We share history together and that is as far as it goes.”
Jay walked toward the door and opened it. “Believe what you want, Annie,” he sighed. “But I think you should look a little deeper. Mike’s a nice guy and he sure as hell loves his kids. And yeah, he made mistakes. So what!? We all do. By doing so, he proved that he’s human and, like the rest of us, he has flaws.”
Jay kissed Annie on the mouth. “I’m a big boy, Annie. I’m okay with this. I saw it coming weeks ago and I’m man enough to back off from a battle I can never win. But, if things get too rough for you, give me a call. If nothing else, I can be a great shoulder for you to cry on.”
After Jay left, Annie got dressed and walked the beach for hours. Jay’s words pounded in her head. The logic behind them disturbed her. She was exhausted from the constant need to dissect the relationship she had with Michael. It was as it was. They were divorced now, merely going through the motions of civility for the benefit of their children. If it weren’t for the kids they shared, she doubted they’d even be speaking. Then why did her heart beat so wildly each time he arrived at the house? And why did a feeling of loneliness envelop her after he left?
Annie shivered at the thought that some of what Jay had said might have a little truth to it. She turned back toward the house in disgust. There was no earthly way he could be right when such a huge part of her was still so angry at Michael for tearing apart their family. Cold tears began to well in her eyes. She doubted there would ever be a day when she could look at Michael and not feel the pain that ran so deep within her for everything he had done, destroyed and taken away.