Michael’s head swirled with exquisite pleasure and hurtful confusion. Reluctantly, he pulled himself free from her grip. Her eyes lifted to meet his disapproving stare.
“There are no genuine feelings in what you’re doing, Annie. It’s pretty damn obvious you don’t want to do this. You’re doing it for all the wrong reasons and, because of that, I don’t want you to do it. You’ll cheapen the memory of what we had and what still remains between us.”
Annie’s eyes dropped to his throbbing organ. “From where I’m sitting, it certainly looks like you want it.”
He pulled her to her feet and circled her with his arms. “Yes, my body is responding, but it’s purely mechanical. This isn’t how I want you, now - or ever.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re drunk or very close to it, Annie,” he whispered against her cheek. “I don’t want to have sex with you that has no meaning. I want to make love and there’s a vast difference between the two. You taught me that.”
He positioned her body in such a way that his organ rested in the soft cleft between her legs. Then, with his hands he began to move her, side to side, against him. Annie immediately felt the effects and melted.
“Annie, when I make love to you it will be for all the right reasons. And I want you to be completely alert and aware of the pleasure I'm giving to you.”
Delicately, he kissed her mouth and softly tasted the inner sanctuary hidden within. “I want every kiss, touch, and the places I taste on your body to mean something. I want you to be aware of the love in which I’m delivering them.”
He continued to move beneath her and marveled at how quickly she relaxed and succumbed to the sensations coursing through her. The contempt in her eyes was gone and replaced with a serene peace. Her eyes fell heavy with lust. Her hands balled the loose fabric of his shirt in her fists, as her body rose higher and higher toward release.
“Isn’t that how you really want it, sweetheart? Isn’t that the way it should be?”
Without ever entering her, he felt her shudder against him in orgasm and collapse onto his chest. He stroked her hair lovingly, breathing in the sweet scent of her skin. He wanted nothing more than to take her to bed and finish what they had started. But, at the risk of losing her, he thought better of the idea.
“My God, you are incredible,” he sighed, touching her skin lightly with his finger tips. “If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve to be loved.”
As if suddenly waking from a trance, Annie’s back stiffened and she sharply withdrew from him.
“Oh my God! What have I done?” she asked in horror, glancing down the length of his body. “I’ve made a terrible mistake! I never should have…” her voice trailed off into sobs as she dashed to the safety of her bedroom, covering her mouth with a trembling hand.
A few moments later, Michael appeared in the doorway. His pants were zipped and buttoned again and his hands dug nervously into the pockets. Annie sat on the bed, her arms hugging her body tightly as she rocked back and forth.
“Annie, I…”
“Please leave.”
“But…”
“Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say one fucking thing!”
“I’m sorry.”
She glanced in his direction but avoided making eye contact. “I can’t believe I just did that or that I let you…”she said through heaving sobs. “My God, knowing who you’ve probably been with, I can’t believe I had…and in my mouth!”
Annie bolted off the bed and into the bathroom, falling to the floor beside the toilet bowl. “I think I’m going to throw up!” Without turning to look, she sensed his presence behind her. “Will you ever leave me alone?”
He heard her retching sounds as he made his way through the living room. Quietly he shut the door behind him.
For two days, he stayed away from the beach house. And, for those two days, Annie wallowed in her own self-loathing. On the third day, he arrived to find her and the girls having lunch on the deck. He froze when he saw them. She had on a pair of blue jean shorts that more than emphasized her tanned legs and white bikini top that barely concealed her nipples, never mind about the rest of her breasts. The words he could muster were bare audible.
“How are you doing?” he asked from the deck steps.
“Dad-dee,” Sammi cheered, when recognition registered.
Annie jumped when she heard the sound of his voice and quickly reached for a t-shirt to cover her exposed flesh. “I didn’t think you were coming back,” she answered without benefit of looking at him. Secretly, she had hoped he wasn’t coming back.
“I actually thought about that, but I’m not going to leave my kids again,” he replied, then took a few cautious steps toward the table where they were eating.
Still, she refused to make eye contact with him.
He plunked Sammi down into his lap and sat across the table from Annie. She pushed her tuna salad sandwich away. Suddenly, she had no appetite for food. Michael helped Sammi get the food into her tiny mouth and cheered her efforts. Several minutes passed and Michael finally broke their silence.
“Annie, we need to talk and I think you understand why.”
“Now clearly isn’t the time,” she returned, making a reference to the girls presence at the table.
“Fine. I’ll wait until they go in for a nap.”
A very long and painful hour passed. He seemed so tense and ill at ease, and she was brutally aware of every movement he made. They put the girls to bed and returned outside to sit at the table. Finally, they were alone.
“Annie, I’m going to be blunt because I need to get some things off my chest.”
She nodded with dread for him to continue.
“I can no longer be your punching bag,” he spoke quietly. “Emotionally, I’m not strong enough for it. After seeing you with Jay and then the incident that happened between us the other night,” he sighed and shook his head thoughtfully. “It’s more than I bargained for. Before you threw up that night, you said some things that…well…hit me where it hurts. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that badly about myself.”
“I’m sorry,” she answered softly. “It was the wine that made me throw up, not you.”
Michael nodded. “If it gives you piece of mind, I haven't been with anyone since you left me so I'm clean. And, even though you refuse to believe it, I never slept with Barbara, nor did I want to. Everything I told you back then was the truth. The booze had me so fucked up at the time, I had no will to fight the accusations you continued to make. Looking back now, I gave up much too easily. I should have fought to keep you and I kick myself every day because I didn't.”
Annie listened intently but still remained hesitant to make eye contact. “If it makes you feel any better, I never slept with Jay. I know you probably think I did, but it never went that far.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I would agree,” she shrugged. “But I wanted you to know.”
He stood and paced the floorboards of the deck. “I'm sorry, but I can't stay and be a part of this anymore. It's too painful for me. Two months ago, I would have bet a million bucks you would have softened by now and we'd be back together. A week ago, I would have bet two million because I was that certain. But, here we are now, and I'm feeling like a loser in more than one way.”
He stopped and sat heavily across from her, gazing directly into her eyes. She was crying softly. Her face looked like that of a young girl. Without much thought he bent forward and wiped her face with the back of his hand.