“All right, that’s good. What shall we do?”
“I think,” James said slowly, kissing her forehead, “that it’s time you and I went back home.”
“I’m afraid, James.”
“Yes, so am I. Now, can you put this out of your mind until morning?”
She was quiet for a good minute. Then she twisted in his arms and shoved him onto his back. She smiled down at him even as she began to push down the covers. “About your belly, James-”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
IT WAS MIDNIGHT, a time when James, in decent weather, could be found lying on his back on some close-by hillock, gazing up at the stars. But for Jason, midnight was the time to sleep. He awoke with the sun on most mornings, his head clear, full of energy, and ready to take on the world. He many times passed yawning servants in the corridors of Northcliffe.
Moonlight spilled through the windows since Jason refused to have the heavy draperies drawn. If it weren’t so very cold, near to freezing this night, the windows would have been open, cold air on his face, and a pile of blankets to his chin.
He was dreaming of his grandmother. In his dream, he saw her as a young girl. The thing was, though, she looked just like she did today, her face all mottled red with rage and disbelief because his mother had finally told the old woman her reign of terror was over. The only thing different was that his grandmother looked smaller, not different or older. Suddenly, she was yelling at another girl he suddenly saw hiding behind a chair. She threw a doll at the girl.
His dream suddenly changed. His grandmother became the marten he’d saved when he’d been a small boy, and the marten’s breath was warm on his face, its body heavy on his chest, down the length of his body as well and that was strange. He couldn’t breathe, there was something-
Jason woke up, no blurry mind, all of him there and alert, to find Judith lying on top of him, kissing his face.
His heart jumped; the girl he loved was actually here, in his bedchamber, sliding about on top of him, and it wasn’t a dream. He was able, barely, to keep his voice slow and easy. “Judith, you’ve turned me into a bucket of sentiment and lust, but when all is said and done, you shouldn’t be here in my bedchamber at midnight, doing what you’re doing, which is a great pity.”
She laughed, her warm breath fanning his mouth. Then she kissed him again, just a light, tentative kiss, because he knew she had no experience.
“Judith, why are you here?”
She didn’t laugh. He heard nervousness in her voice. “Jason, I came here because I want you. I want you more than you can begin to imagine. I want you more than I did just a minute ago. Don’t send me away. Please.”
Jason didn’t know how it happened, but his arms were around her back, tightening. She felt soft against him, and he knew that within moments he would be hard against her belly and surely that would scare her witless. He kissed her then, keeping his tongue in his own mouth.
She liked that. When he managed to pull himself free, he said with great urgency, “Judith, you shouldn’t be here, it isn’t right. I love you, I’ve told you that-”
She reared up a bit. Her face was shadowed, but he could see those dark eyes of hers clearly enough. “You’ve never told me you loved me. You’ve always played around the point. And then you’ve gone off to your mistress.”
“Very well, listen to me now. I love you. There, is that clear enough for you? Now, you must leave. I can’t accompany you back to your bedchamber because there is no doubt at all in my mind that someone utterly unexpected would magically appear in the corridor and see us.”
She laughed.
“No, listen to me. I’m perfectly serious. Something would wake them up, and they’d come out into the corridor to see us skulking back to your bedchamber. So go now, while I’m still able to let you leave me. You can count on the fact that I’m not off to see any mistress.”
Her eyes were dark, even darker now at midnight. “I don’t want to leave you, Jason. Don’t you want me?”
“Even though you’re a virgin, you can answer that question, Judith. Surely you can feel me against you.”
She squirmed, and he thought he’d die. “Yes,” she whispered against his mouth, “I feel you. I know that part of you somehow comes inside me, and that sounds very strange, but I’ve decided that I want to learn all about it tonight. I’m nearly twenty, after all. I want you to teach me.”
“I can’t do this, I just can’t.” It took all his will to flip her off him and over on her back. When he immediately turned to look down at her, he wondered if it had been such a fine idea. He was balanced on one elbow. His left hand was free to stroke her hair, to touch her cheek, her lips, her chin. She was wearing a virginal white nightgown, a soft white wrapper over it, tied at her waist. His hand hovered then touched her throat. He leaned down and kissed her.
The hand that was on her throat an instant before was suddenly touching her breast. He leaped away from her, rolled off the bed, and came up, breathing hard, to stare down at the girl he loved, lying on her back in the middle of his bed, every naked delightful inch of her only two very soft muslin layers away from him.
She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, an action that nearly made him howl. “You’re incredible, Jason.”
“What? Oh.” He grabbed his dressing gown, but she came quickly up on her knees and pulled it from him. “I would like to stare at you for a while. I’ve never seen a naked man before and I’ve heard that every single inch of you is beautiful. I would like to see for myself that this is indeed a fact. Is that all right?”
“No, it isn’t a good idea. If you look at me even another second, I will leap on you, and it will be all over for both of us.”
“I think I’d like you to leap on me.”
“No, there are consequences to leaping, consequences you wouldn’t like.”
“What does it matter?”
He could but stare at her.
“You love me.”
“Yes, but-”
“Then why can’t you be with me tonight? Why does it matter if we wait?”
He said, his voice austere, like his father’s when he was set upon teaching one of his sons a lesson, “Because a girl is to be a virgin on her wedding night.”
“Does that mean that you want a wedding night with me? Couldn’t we just pretend that this is our wedding night?”
He was shaking, couldn’t help it. He was so wild with lust he didn’t know how he could put words together. He could actually feel his common sense being eaten away around the edges. He said, desperate now, “You want a wedding night now? But what if I get you pregnant? Such things happen, Judith, surely you know that. I can do things to lessen the risk, but-”
“What?”
He closed his eyes a moment. “I can withdraw from you before I spill my seed.”
“Oh. Well, then.” She gave him a siren’s smile. He didn’t see it clearly, but he saw enough of it to nearly stutter himself into the floor. He said slowly, “Th-that would mean marriage.”
“Yes, I suppose it would.”
Jason knew he was ready for marriage, knew he wanted to marry her, and here she was, wanting him, eager for him, and she didn’t want to wait.
Who cared?
He was breathing hard when he pulled her up against him. She was soft and willing and her hair fell nearly to her waist, thick, wonderfully soft hair, hair as dark as her eyes, contrasting dramatically with her skin that was as white as a cloudless moon. And he said into her hair, “If I get you with child, then we will wed very soon, all right?”
“Yes,” she said between kisses, “all right.”
He was twenty-five, old enough not to be awkward or selfish or too fast, but it was difficult. When he had her naked, he wanted to take her in that instant, and he saw the invitation in her eyes, saw it clearly, knew that she wanted him, but he had to make this very nice for her. How could he do that when he was ready to explode? Her hands were all over him, and she was encouraging him, parting her legs to bring him closer against her. When he was trembling he was in such bad shape, she lifted her hips to bring him into her. Oh God, it was more than a man could take, but he sucked in a deep breath and told himself he had to hold back or he would be consigned to that group of pathetic dolts who lost their wits when a naked woman was lying beneath them, their legs spread. No, no, he had to stop thinking like that. He looked down at her, and knew this was her first time and he wasn’t about to muck it up. When his mouth was on her, she began shaking. Then she was sobbing, deep in her throat, hitting her fists against his shoulders. When she reached her orgasm, Jason looked at her face as his fingers now caressed her. Astonishment, that was the first thing he saw in her wide dark eyes, then tearing pleasure, and her eyes went wild and blind. He eased the rhythm of his fingers slowly, very slowly; he came over her and came into her, slow and deep. To his surprise, she began to move against him, drawing him deeper, and he nearly fell off the cliff when she cried out in pain. “Hold on to me, Judith. Just hold on.” He gritted his teeth, and went deep, deeper, and when he touched her womb, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He didn’t want to yell to the ceiling, someone would hear him. He managed to keep that in his brain, but it was difficult. He swallowed his cries, his body heaving over her, and then as suddenly, every thought in his head, every feeling that had raced through him-all of it was hovering around him, indistinct and blurred, like the softest of veils, and it was easy and fine, and he eased down on top of her.