“You know that little island off China?” said Sam.
“I know,” said the bald Caucasian. “I am geographically sound.”
A policeman said the drunk man had beaten up a homeless person in Tompkins Square Park, not gotten beat up at Starbucks. The drunk man was snoring in the other cell. The bald Caucasian and the skinny Hispanic talked about hurting the drunk man. They discussed the placement of surveillance cameras at Central Booking. “He’s drunk, people are different when they’re drunk,” said the African American policeman in a shy voice. “He might sober up and be the nicest person you ever met.”
The “fat Irish boy” policeman woke the drunk man to get his fingerprints. It took about ten minutes to get the drunk man’s fingerprints. The drunk man and the policeman hugged. The tall Asian was released. The bald Caucasian went in a side room with a policeman. “They told me what I was getting,” he said back in the cell. “I’m going away for a long time.” He talked about killing the drunk man. A policeman gave Sam his belt and shoelaces. Sam signed a paper saying he would go to court. He walked to American Apparel. Luigi was on the sidewalk. Luigi grinned at Sam and went inside and got Sam’s duffel bag.
“Thank you for shopping at American Apparel,” said Luigi.
“You’re welcome,” said Sam. “Thank you for being nice to me. Good night.”
At the library Sam emailed the organizer of the reading he was scheduled for that night, CC-ing the other reader. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there today,” said the email. “I was arrested earlier and got out around 9:30 in Manhattan somewhere. Was it okay without me? Very sorry about this.”
The other reader replied asking if Sam wanted a free copy of his book.
Sam emailed the person his address and went outside. He bought an iced coffee and went back in the library.
“You seem strange,” said Luis on Gmail chat a few hours later. “I’m pretty sure you have Asperger’s. People with Asperger’s and schizoid personality disorder usually make good friends.”
“Schizoid,” said Sam. “Luis. What are we.”
“Fucked,” said Luis. “Was that like a cheer. What are we! Fucked. Our shit can be studied by an anthropologist 1,000 years from now to know what we ate.”
“Indian food,” said Sam.
“They will say ‘Sam had a vegan diet of good food and wine and Indian food. Luis ingested Waffle House.’ ”
“I want to change my novel to present tense,” said Sam. “Is there some Microsoft Word thing to do that.”
“I don’t think so. I think you have to do it manually.”
“Manually,” said Sam.
“By hand,” said Luis. “Get an interview on Suicide Girls, that should be your next step. Do you think in five years the national media will create a stupid term like ‘blogniks’ to describe us.”
“Yes,” said Sam. “Remember we had hope like 4 months ago.”
“Can you cite that day,” said Luis. “The day of hope.”
“I remember one night particularly,” said Sam. “Your book was at 30,000 sales rank. I was alone in the library. My fingers lay illuminated on the keyboard. Likewise my face was bathed in the soft blue light of Internet Explorer.”
Sam stared at what he typed with a neutral facial expression.
“I just peed outside and hurt my foot,” said Luis.
“You pee outside,” said Sam. “Is it because of laziness. Or variety. I got arrested today, when I was stealing. I am okay. I just need to go to court on 9/11 and get community service.”
“Just now,” said Luis. “For what.”
“Today around 4. A shirt. I was going to get a new shirt for my reading.”
“Are you serious,” said Luis. “9/11. Why didn’t you tell me.”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking about it until you peed outside and I thought about variety.” Sam emailed Luis around eight hundred words he had typed earlier about the holding cell. “The Asian guy got his ass beat for no reason and lost $100 and spent the day in jail,” he said on Gmail chat.
“What did you do in there,” said Luis.
“I sat there,” said Sam.
“Were you scared. What did you do.”
“We sat there,” said Sam. “I felt the same sort of.”
“What did your brain do,” said Luis.
“I was trying not to laugh at the drunk guy. The Asian guy was like in Kafka. He didn’t steal anything and got his ass beat and will probably be deported to Canada.”
“Who beat his ass,” said Luis.
“Kmart. I think they chose him because he looks like he doesn’t care if he gets his ass beat for no reason. I think Kmart saw that in him.”
“Kmart beat his ass,” said Luis. “Are you worried. Have you told your parents.”
“I’m not telling them,” said Sam. “Unless they ask.”
Sam talked about his parents having moved to Taiwan.
“Your parents have returned to their native land to die?” said Luis. “Are they like living there now, like that is their life?”
“Yes,” said Sam. “I think.”
“Are you okay, my friend,” said Luis.
“I don’t know,” said Sam. “Are you.”
“I haven’t been arrested and my parents haven’t left the country I’m residing in. I don’t speak to my parents but I’m already over that. So it is different with you. You didn’t tell me that. I feel like petting your head.”
“My mom emails me,” said Sam. “I am okay.”
“Don’t steal shit for a while,” said Luis. “And try to make yourself happy in some way.”
“Okay,” said Sam. “I’ll buy a new emo CD.”
“Do you have a lawyer,” said Luis. “Do you have connections. When I went to court I told them I was a Hersado and the charges were dropped magically. My grandfather owns a grocery store in Youngstown.”
“I have no lawyer,” said Sam. “I might get a job.”
“You have good rankings on Amazon,” said Luis. “Soon you will be making money to write and be weird, and not have to steal.”
Sam said he was going to eat Chinese food.
“Go eat,” said Luis. “It is a beautiful night.”
In court Sam saw the tall Asian sitting with a person who looked like an attorney. The tall Asian looked at the person, the person said something, and the tall Asian walked out of the courtroom. Sam’s attorney said Sam’s record would be erased after six months if he chose two days’ community service instead of one. Sam had borrowed $1,000 from his brother to hire an attorney. About fifteen people received community service for possessing marijuana or shoplifting and then Sam’s name was called. Sam and his attorney stood in front of the judge. Sam’s attorney said something about two days’ community service. The judge looked at Sam and read the same statement she read to everyone else. Sam went upstairs and scheduled his community service.
A few weeks later Sam went to Tompkins Square Park around 8 a.m. and changed trash bags with a large group of people. Someone said one bag was “heavy as bricks” and the bag broke and two bricks fell out. One bag in the dog run was very heavy with dog shit and would not leave the trashcan. Someone said “Fuck that bag” and the bag wasn’t changed. The second day a person on his third of five days of community service said he robbed a car last night and left his cell phone inside the car. The person asked Sam and two other people if he would be okay. Sam said the person would be okay because his name wasn’t in the cell phone. The person said his name was written on the cell phone. Sam walked around with a grabbing stick and grabbed many Colt 45s. On his break he bought a strawberry-banana-soymilk smoothie and drank it walking back to the park.