“Same with the car?”
“My little Alfa- wasn’t that a cute car? It finally gave out last year. Paul said he’d bought it for Suzanne but she couldn’t learn to drive a stick shift. He said after everything I’d been through, I deserved a little fun in my life so he was giving it to me. It wasn’t till later, of course, that I learned he’d been serving as a conduit- but he did put everything together, so in a sense, everything did come from him.”
“I can see that,” I said. “What happened once you got home?”
“I was exhausted. The sessions had taken a lot out of me. I got into bed and slept like a baby. But that night I woke up in a cold sweat, panicky, having another anxiety attack. I wanted to call Paul, was too shaky to dial the phone. Finally I managed to breathe myself calm, but by then my mood had changed- I was really depressed, didn’t want to speak with anyone. It was like falling head-first into a bottomless well- falling endlessly. I got under the covers, trying to escape. For three days I didn’t dress or eat or get out of bed. Just sat staring at that snapshot. The third day was when you found me. When I saw you I went crazy. I’m sorry, Alex. I lost control.”
She touched my cheek.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “Long forgotten. What happened after I left?”
“I stayed that way for a while. Some time later- I’m really not sure how long it was- Paul came by to see how I was doing. He cleaned me up, dressed me, and took me back to his place. For a week I did nothing but relax, stayed up in my… in a room there. Then we had another session, even deeper hypnosis, and he told me about the separation.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That we’d been put up for adoption at birth and wrenched apart at three because Sherry kept trying to hurt me. He said it wasn’t the right way to handle it, but that our adoptive mother had problems of her own, couldn’t handle both of us. She liked Sherry more, so I was given away.”
She’d taken pains to speak in an offhand voice, but something raw and frigid had come into her eyes.
“What is it?” I said.
“Nothing. Just the irony. She lived like a princess all her life, but her soul was impoverished. I ended up being the lucky one.”
“Did you ever meet Mrs. Blalock?”
“No. Not even at the party. Why should I? She was a name to me- not even a face. Someone else’s mother.”
I gazed at the plastic walls of the dome and said nothing. Let my eyes rest on the husk in the next bed.
“When did Paul tell you about partner number two?”
“Third session, but there wasn’t much to tell. All he knew was that she’d been born disabled, was institutionalized somewhere.”
“Someone filled you in. Uncle Billy?”
“Yes.”
“The handsome paternal lawyer?”
“After all these years, you remember? Amazing.” Trying to sound pleased, but edgy. “As a matter of fact, Uncle Billy always wanted to be a lawyer. He even applied to law school, but he got caught up with other things and never went.”
“When did he come into the picture?”
“The second time Paul sent me home. Maybe a week after we… parted. I was doing much better, putting things in perspective. The doorbell rang. An older man with a beautiful smile was standing there. With candy and flowers and a bottle of wine. He said he was the brother of the woman who’d given me away- he apologized for that, said I shouldn’t hate her, though he understood if I did. That she was an inadequate person but he’d always looked after me. Both as an uncle and an emissary of my father.”
She looked over at the empty bed. “Then he told me who my father was.”
I said, “How’d it feel learning you were Leland Belding’s heir?”
“Not as strange as you’d think. Of course I’d heard of him, knew he was a genius and rich, and it was strange finding out we were related. But he was dead, gone, no chance for any connection. I was more concerned with living ties.”
She hadn’t answered the question. I let it pass. “How did Uncle Billy chance to find you?”
“Paul had traced my roots and found him. He said he’d wanted to meet me for years, had been unsure of what to say or do and stayed away out of fear of doing the wrong thing. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he wanted me to hear everything from the source.
“I told him I knew about Sherry and we talked a little about her- I could tell he wasn’t fond of her, but he didn’t push it and I didn’t challenge him. I wanted to know about my other sister, about my roots. We sat there and drank wine and he told me everything- how the three of us were the love children of Mr. Belding and an actress whom he’d loved very much but couldn’t marry for social reasons. Her name was Linda. She died of childbirth complications. He showed me a picture. She was very beautiful.”
“An actress,” I said. When she didn’t react, I said, “You look like her.”
“That’s quite a compliment,” she said. “We were also miracle children- premature, tiny at birth, and not expected to live. Linda became sick, with septicemia, but she never stopped thinking about us, praying for us. She named us just minutes before she died. Jana, Joan, and Jewel Rae- that’s me. And though we all made it, Joan had multiple deformities. Despite being rich and powerful, Mr. Belding was in no position to raise her- or any of us. He was painfully shy- actually phobic about people, especially children. From what Uncle Billy described, a bit agoraphobic as well. So Uncle Billy had us adopted by his sister. He’d thought she’d turn out to be a better mother than she did. All these years both he and Mr. Belding felt tremendously guilty about letting us go.
“I told him Paul was going to arrange a meeting with Sherry and he said he knew. Then I asked if he could arrange one with Joan.”
“So he and Paul were working together.”
“They were cooperating. He was evasive about Joan, but I kept pressing him and finally he told me she was somewhere in Connecticut. I said I wanted to see her. He said there was no point- she was severely disabled, had no conscious mind to speak of. I said not only did I want to see her, I wanted to be with her, to take care of her. He said that was impossible- she required full-time care and that I should concentrate on my education. I said she was a part of me. I’d never be able to concentrate on anything else again unless I could have her with me. He thought about that, asked if I could take some time off from school, and I said sure. We drove straight to a private airport, hopped on a corporate jet to New York, then took a limousine to Connecticut. I know he thought the way she looked would change my mind. But it only made me more resolute. I lay down in bed next to her, hugged her, kissed her. Felt her vibrations. When he saw that, he agreed to move her out here. The corporation bought Resthaven and set up a private wing for her. I got to interview attendants, hand-picked Elmo. She became part of my life. I came to really love her. Loved the other patients, too- I’ve always felt at home with the defective. If I had it all to do over again, I would have spent my life working with them.”
At home. The only real home she’d known had been shared with two retarded people. A textbook insight, but she wasn’t getting it.
I said, “And you changed her name.”
“Yes. A new name symbolizes a new life. Both Jana and I had been given S names; I thought Joan should have one too. To fit in.”
She got up, sat by her sister’s side, and touched the sunken cheeks.
“She goes on forever,” she said. “She’s been a constant in my life. A real comfort.”
“Unlike your other partner.”
That cold look again. “Yes, unlike her.” Then a smile. “Well, Alex, I’m pooped. We’ve covered a lot of ground.”
“There are a few other things, if you don’t mind?”