She loved knowing she had the power to make him lose control. She loved his warm body, his scent, the texture of his skin, the taste of him on her tongue, and the strength of his hands, and how she trusted that strength. She loved his generosity of spirit, loved the way he could be gentle and endlessly patient, and yet still vibrate with testosterone. She loved how much he cared about his friends, his dog, everyone in the town. She loved his mischievous smile. The way he looked at her. How he teased her, laughing with her, not at her.
And she was desperately afraid she loved him.
Jax opened the Jeep’s passenger door for her, and she started to get in. “He’ll never love you, you know,” Jackson said directly to Maddie.
When she looked up at him, he nodded. “He’s cold. It’s what made him so successful. Ask his old bosses. Ask Elizabeth. His fiancée.” He cocked his head and studied her face. “Did he tell you about her?”
“Dad,” Jax said tightly. “Back off.”
Jackson sent his son a long look. “Oh, he talks a mean game,” he said, still speaking to Maddie. “And he can spin wheels of logic in your head until you think you’re getting what you want from him, but it is a game. It’s all a game.” His smile was dark and grim. “You seem like a nice girl, Maddie, but you’re out of your league here. I’d get out while you can.”
“Maddie, get in,” Jax said and stood there as if guarding her until she did. Then he turned to his father. “Get off my property and don’t come back.”
Violence shimmered in the air, and Maddie stared at them through the windshield, her pulse kicking hard. Jax looked at her. With a flash of something that might have been regret, he moved around to the driver’s side.
“You’re fucking up your life,” his father said, grabbing Jax’s arm as he turned away.
Jax spun back, and at whatever Jackson saw in his son’s face, he dropped his hands from him.
“You can’t push me around anymore, Dad,” Jax said. “You can’t get to me.”
“It’s not too late to get your life back on track.”
Again, Jax locked eyes with Maddie through the windshield. “I’m on track.” With that, he slid into the driver’s side and thrust the engine into gear.
Jax was silent as he pulled out.
She was silent, too, though she eyed him very carefully as he drove. Had he inherited his father’s temper? It was possible. She of all people knew anything was possible, that people could hide parts of themselves and keep those parts under wraps until they decided to reveal them.
He finally spoke. “You okay?”
“I was thinking of asking you the same. You’re… mad.”
He shifted his inscrutable gaze to hers, then turned back to the road. “And that worries you.”
She squirmed in her seat over that one, and he blew out a low breath. “I was hoping we were past this, Maddie.”
Her, too, but unbidden came the images of Alex, how he’d lashed out when he appeared so calm and in control. It pissed her off that her brain could do this to her, betray her now, make her feel so irrational. But that was the thing about fear. She could ignore it all she wanted, but it didn’t go away. Nope, it merely hung out, biding its sneaky time.
Jax let out a long breath and didn’t speak again. As they got on the highway, with the mountains on their left and the ocean churning on the right, the silence grew.
And grew.
And thickened into something ugly.
“You believed him,” he finally said, voice low.
“No. I-”
“You did.”
“I’m sorry. I’m…” What? Overwhelmed by seesaw emotions? Check. Unnerved because even not wanting to, I let your father scare me? Check and check. Both were ridiculous and childish and stupid, and she knew this. “I’m sorry,” she repeated lamely.
“Don’t,” he said, voice tight. “You don’t mean it. So don’t apologize.”
He was right. She hadn’t meant to apologize. She’d meant to ask him how he planned on releasing his anger, because he clearly was angry. She could read the tension still in his body-she’d become somewhat of an expert on the subject. “For what it’s worth, I really do know you wouldn’t hurt me. Logically, anyway.”
He slid her a searching look but said nothing.
She let out a breath. “So what’s your father’s problem with what you do for a living?”
He was quiet so long she’d decided he wasn’t going to answer. Then he suddenly spoke. “He sees working with one’s hands as beneath him.” He turned off onto the asphalt road at the end of town. Lucille was on her front porch and waved.
Maddie automatically waved back.
They drove down the dirt road, and then they were at the inn. Jax parked, and they both sat there.
“What does he do?” Maddie eventually asked.
“He’s a lawyer. We used to be one and the same.”
She tried to picture Jax in an expensive suit and an uptight expression and couldn’t. “No. I don’t believe you were ever like him.”
“Believe it. Hell, I even thrived on it.”
She searched his face for the easygoing, sexy, playful lover she’d been with all afternoon but couldn’t find him. This did not help her nerves. “Why did you quit?”
“Lots of reasons, but mostly I hated who I’d become.”
“Elizabeth?”
He shrugged. “She was part of the lifestyle.”
“You don’t talk about her.”
“I try not to think about that time in my life.”
She stared at him for a full minute, waiting for more. When it didn’t come, she felt her own temper stir. “I’ve learned the hard way that when people aren’t forthcoming, there’s a good reason.”
“I’m not like him, Maddie. Not even close. Don’t compare us.”
She felt like he’d slapped her. Not a mouse, she reminded herself. Hold your ground. “So you didn’t keep parts of yourself purposely hidden from me? You’re not still keeping parts hidden?”
A muscle ticked in Jax’s jaw. “You’re going to let him win.” His words were short and clipped. He was pissed. “You’re going to let him drive that wedge he wanted between us.”
“This isn’t a court case to win or lose, Jax. It’s my life.” She stared at him while he stared straight out the windshield. “Is there anything else about your past I should know?”
He was quiet for a beat too long, and she let out a breath. “Jax. Is there?”
“There’s always something.”
“That’s no answer, and we both know it.”
But given his silence, it was the only answer she was going to get. Honestly, she couldn’t quite believe it, that they’d found themselves here, in this place. She’d had little hints from him that he hadn’t been the open book she’d thought, but she’d ignored them.
Logically she knew that, given how hard it’d been for her to open up about her past, she needed to cut him some slack for not being completely forthcoming himself. But she couldn’t find it in her at the moment. “I have work to do.”
He shoved his fingers through his hair. “Maddie-”
“Lots of work.” She hopped out and shut the door hard. Her exit wasn’t exactly graceful, since she had to yank it open again to pull out the hem of her shirt, which had gotten caught.
Without looking at him, she walked into the inn and shut that door hard, too, then put her forehead to the wood. When she couldn’t stand the suspense and peeked out the window, he was gone.
Chapter 21
“Men are like roses.
You have to watch out for the pricks.”
PHOEBE TRAEGER
The three sisters sat in the back booth at Eat Me Café having a late night dinner. Tara had just gotten off shift, and at this hour, there were more Christmas decorations than customers.