She wasn’t afraid of him. She was in his face, holding her ground, and he’d never been more proud of her. “You know more,” he said quietly. “You know my friends, and that I have a screwed-up relationship with my father. You know I drive a beat-up old Jeep so that my big lazy dog can ride with me wherever I go. You know that I don’t pick up my clothes and that I like to run on the beach.”
She made a soft noise, and he stepped closer and brushed his hand over her throat, where, to his chagrin, she had whisker burn. “You know how much I like to touch you.”
Her eyes drifted shut. “And I like all those things about you,” she admitted. “Especially the last…” A soft sigh escaped her, and she met his gaze. “But you’re still hiding-I can feel it. What are you hiding, Jax?”
With a long breath, he took her hand. “Telling you would involve breaking a promise. I can’t do that.”
“Because of what happened to you when you were a lawyer?”
“Nothing happened to me,” he corrected, voice rough with the memory.
She slid a hand up his stomach to his chest, holding it over his heart. “You were trying to help her, Jax. You didn’t know what she’d do. You couldn’t have known.”
“I failed her.” He closed his eyes, then opened them again. “And now here I am, back between the rock and a hard place.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t.” He looked into her face, so focused on him, so intent, and drew a deep breath. “Your loan on the inn. I know who holds the note. I know that if you’d make contact, your refinancing would be approved.”
Her brow furrowed. “You can’t know that for a fact.”
“I do. I know it for a fact. I’ve tried to get you to look into it, but-”
“Oh, my God.” Her mouth dropped open, and she stepped back from him. “It’s you. You hold the note.”
He reached for her, but she slapped his hands away. “No. No,” she repeated, her chest rising and falling quickly. “Is it you?”
“Yes.”
She stared at him. “Why didn’t you tell me? All those times we talked about it-”
“And every single time, I tried to steer you-”
“You tried to steer me. You tried to steer me.” Her eyes were filled with disbelief. “I’m not a sheep, Jax. I was lost and stressed and overwhelmed and freaked out, and you… you had the answer all along.”
“I was trying to protect the here and now, and also you. I wanted you to refinance. With me. But your stubborn-ass pride would have reached up and choked you if you thought you were accepting anything from me that you didn’t earn. I knew that unless it was your idea, you’d go running hard and fast.”
She shook her head. “So you kept it from me to be noble?”
He grimaced, swiping a hand down his face. “Yes, but in hindsight, it sounded a lot better in my head.”
Rolling her eyes, she turned away from him, then whipped back. “And the trust outlined in Phoebe’s will. You know all about the trust, too?”
He wished she would just kill him dead and be done with it. “Yes.”
“Is it you? Did she leave the trust to you?”
“No.”
“Then-”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You mean you won’t.”
“That, too.”
She jerked at his answer as if he’d slapped her, and she pretty much sliced open his heart at the same time.
“I remember distinctly asking you if there was anything else I should know about you,” she said very quietly.
“This isn’t about me. It wasn’t my place. It still isn’t my place-”
“You’re my friend. You’re my-” She broke off, staring at him from eyes gone glossy with unspeakable emotion. “Well,” she finally said quietly with a painful pause. “I’ve never been exactly sure what we are, but I’d hoped it was more.”
“It was. It is. God, Maddie. I couldn’t tell you. I made a promise-”
“Yes. I’m getting that. And since you certainly never made me any promises, I have no right to be mad.” She ran a shaky hand over her eyes. “I’m tired. I want to go back to the inn.”
“Not until we finish this.”
“Finish this?” She let out a mirthless laugh and started walking to the Jeep, her steps measured and even, her fury and hurt echoing in each one. “I think we just did.”
Maddie tiptoed into the dark cottage. The only lights came from their Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Pressing a hand to her aching heart, she went straight to the kitchen, to the cupboard where Tara kept the wine.
It was empty. “Dammit.”
“Looking for this?”
She whirled at Tara’s voice, squinting through the dark to find her sister sitting on the kitchen counter in a pristine, sexy white nightie, holding a half-empty bottle of wine in her hand.
“I’m going to need the rest of that,” Maddie said.
“No. The sister getting regular orgasms doesn’t get to have any pity parties.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure the orgasms are a thing of the past.”
“What? Why?”
“Because he hid things from me. From us.” Moving into the kitchen, Maddie hopped up on the counter next to Tara. “You’re probably too drunk to retain any of this, but it’s Jax. He’s the note holder.”
Tara had gone very still. “Did he… tell you that?”
“Yes, because suddenly he’s a veritable pot of information. He knows about the trust, but he remained mum on that, the rat bastard.”
Tara stared at her for a long moment. “He probably had his reasons. Good reasons. Maybe even very good reasons.”
Maddie sighed and thunked her head back on the cabinet. “Why are you drinking alone?”
“I do everything alone.”
“Tara…” Was there no end to the heartaches tonight? “It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“Oh, sugar.” Tara tipped the bottle to her mouth. “Are you always so sweet and kind and… sweet and kind?”
“I’m not either of those things right now.”
Tara closed her eyes. “I look at you, and I feel such guilt. I’m so full of goddamn guilt, I’m going to explode.”
“Guilt? Why?”
“You maxed out your card for me. You were willing to stay here, even alone if you had to, to take care of things. And all I wanted was to leave. You have so much to give, Maddie. You’re a giver, and I’m a…” She scrunched up her face to think. “Sucker. I’m a life sucker. I suck at life.”
“Okay, no more wine for you.” Maddie took the bottle. “And we all maxed out our cards. Well, except Chloe, cuz she turned out not to have any credit, but you and I both-”
“For different reasons,” Tara whispered and put a finger over her own lips. “Shh,” she said. “Don’t tell.”
“Okay, you need to go to bed,” Maddie decided.
“See that.” Tara pointed at her and nearly took out an eye. “You love me.”
“Every single, snooty, bitchy, all-knowing inch,” Maddie agreed. “Come on.” She managed to get Tara down the hall and into the bedroom, where Chloe was still sleeping. Tara plopped down next to her and was out before her head hit the pillow.
Kicking off her shoes, Maddie changed into pj’s and crawled over one sister and snuggled up with another, both making unhappy noises as she let her icy feet rest on theirs beneath the covers.
“Maddie?” It was Tara, whispering loud enough for the people in China to hear. “I’m sorry.”
“For drinking all the wine?”
“No. For making Jax hurt you.”
“What?”
Tara didn’t answer.
“Tara, what do you mean?”
Her only answer was a soft snore.
Maddie bolted awake sometime later, fighting for breath. Gasping, she sat straight up as horror and smoke filled her lungs. “Oh, my God!” she cried, fear clenching hard in her gut. Fingers of smoke clouding her vision, she shook her sisters. “Get up, there’s a fire!”