For instance, she’d convinced herself her mother hadn’t been interested in more of a relationship. It was too late for what-ifs on that one, but what about her sisters? It didn’t seem too late for them, even though she’d told herself that they hadn’t wanted her in their lives. The truth was, she hadn’t reached out, either, and she could have. She should have.
She’d done the same to Jax. He might not have been forthright, not completely, but he’d shown her from the beginning how he felt, without words. He’d pushed her to want more-more of the truth from him, more of everything. Why hadn’t she wanted to hear it?
Fear. She’d let it rule her.
That had to change. If she lived through this stupid ride.
Just as she thought it, the Ferris wheel jerked and her bucket swung as the ride started moving again. And ten minutes later, after she’d gone around three times and finally had her feet firmly back on the ground, she grinned.
She’d made it. She got back into her car feeling better and more determined and drove without a destination in mind.
No, that was a lie. She knew exactly where she was going. She pulled into Jax’s driveway and parked. It was forty-five degrees out, and she was sweating.
You know what to do, he’d said.
And he’d been right. She wanted to stay in Lucky Harbor, and she wanted to be a family with her sisters.
Both of those things were within her reach.
She also wanted Jax.
Hopefully he was still within her reach, as well. She knocked on his door, and when he didn’t answer, she twisted around and eyed his Jeep. He was home…
Then she heard it, the steady, rhythmic banging, and she followed the sound around to the back of the house. He was there in battered boots, a gray Henley, and beloved old Levi’s faded to threads in spots. He was chopping wood, the ax rising and falling with easy grace. His shirt was soaked through with sweat and clinging to his every hard inch.
He had a lot of hard inches. Just watching him gave her a hot flash.
He had to have seen her come around the side of the house. He had instincts like a cat, and she was making no move to be secretive, but he kept chopping.
Saying nothing.
Finally, she risked life and limb and stepped close enough that he was forced to stop or put her in danger from the flying shards of wood.
Lowering the ax, he leaned on it, his breath coming steady but hard.
Still saying nothing.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
Fair enough question, since she’d asked him the same only this morning. It figured that he’d get right to the point. He was good at that.
She wasn’t. “I was… confused. And I guess a little mad at everyone, and then I went for a drive and my car came here.”
His mouth quirked very slightly. “Did your car forget that you’re mad at me, as well?”
“Well,” she said, “out of all the people I’m mad at, I think I’m the least mad at you.”
“Why’s that?”
Maddie fought the urge to pull out Chloe’s iTouch and ask the Magic 8-Ball how she was doing with Jax, but she had a feeling she knew.
“Why, Maddie?”
Dammit, he wasn’t going to let her off the hook. She went with flippant. After all, it was her number-one defense mechanism. “You did recently put a damn good smile on my face. Maybe you get partial immunity. I don’t know.”
He eyed her for a long moment, clearly seeing right through her. “I gave you more than a smile,” he said, setting down his ax and walking into the house.
Jax headed into his kitchen and straight for the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water for his suddenly parched throat.
Do-or-die moment. Either she’d come to say thanks for the memories and vanish off into the sunset, or she was here to… Hell, he was afraid to hope.
When he’d been a lawyer, he’d walked into court every day knowing he was going to win. Always.
It’d be nice to know the verdict on this.
Distance. He needed some. He downed the water, tossed the bottle aside, and moved through the house. Not a total ass, he’d left the slider open in case she wanted to come in and destroy him some more, but without looking back, he went into his bathroom. Stripping out of his sweaty clothes, he cranked the shower up to scalding and stepped in. Bowing his head beneath the spray, he let the water bead down his back and tried to clear his mind.
Not happening.
Instead, images came to him: Maddie standing beneath the hot water with him, glistening and soapy, her eyes soft and warm on his; him gliding his hands over that body until those eyes glazed with passion, listening to her pant his name over and over as she came-
When the door opened behind him, he didn’t move, didn’t lift his head, didn’t open his eyes. Her arms came around him, and he felt her naked body press up against his.
And here was the thing. All his good intentions went out the window as those hands drifted down his chest and over his abs, because it was hard to remain distant with the hard-on of his life.
“Why are you here?” he asked again.
Maddie swallowed hard and tried to channel… which actress? Damn, she couldn’t think of an actress to save her life! She was on her own. “Well, you seemed pretty sweaty,” she said in her best come-hither voice. “Thought maybe I could help wash your back.” She leaned in and licked a droplet of water off his neck.
She felt him draw a deep breath. “Maddie.”
Okay, so he wasn’t in the mood for flippant. She could understand that. She paused, her eyes on the smooth muscles of his back. “You bared yourself to me.”
He turned to face her. “Yes, as it happens, I’m as bare-ass naked as it gets.”
They both looked down. Yeah, he was naked. Gloriously so. “I meant more than your body,” she whispered. “You bared yourself to me, and… and it took me longer than it should have to notice.”
God, he was perfect. Hard and ripped and heart-stoppingly perfect. She ran her finger over the drops of water on one pec, and, whoops, grazed his nipple.
“Maddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Up here.”
She tore her gaze off him and met his eyes. They were slightly warmer, and maybe, possibly, amused. Relief hit her so hard she nearly slid to the tile floor. “Oh, Jax. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get with the program. That I doubted you, that I pushed you away. I wasn’t looking for this. And I know you weren’t, either, even less than me, but you… you handled it better.”
His hand slid over her stomach and settled on her hip, which made it all but impossible to think, but she struggled to try. “I know I said some things… about where we’re at.”
“Actually, you made yourself pretty clear about where we weren’t at.” Reaching for the soap, he turned away and began to scrub up.
“About that. I was wrong.” She was a little breathless just from watching his hands run over his body, leaving soapy trails in their midst, and lost her train of thought.
He didn’t say anything, just finished what he was doing. Finally he put the soap back, rinsed off, and then moved unexpectedly, pulling her in close, wrapping his arms around her and just holding on. Tight. She didn’t mind. She could have stayed like that forever, feeling safe and warm and stupidly happy. But she had more to say. “Jax, I-”
“Whatever you want,” he said, his voice low and raw. “Except for letting go. I’m not going to let go.”
“I hope you mean that. Because you were right about something else, too. I was scared, scared to the bone.” She grimaced. “I might have panicked even.”
“You did do a lot of knitting,” he said with an utterly straight face and then moved his lips down her neck.
Shivering at the feel of his mouth brushing over her wet skin, she clutched at him. When he lifted his head, he was smiling. The sight threatened to short out her brain. Or maybe that was his touch. She wasn’t sure, except she was breathing hard and was dangerously close to leaping into his arms and impaling herself on him. “You said to fight for what I want. You said to get into the ring.” She looked down. “Um, not to change the subject, but you want me.”