“It is a pleasure and an honor to help such a worthy cause.”
“If you’re in Vegas again, I do hope you’ll stop by the center to see our work.”
“I come to Vegas often. Once a week now, it seems, and I will take you up on it. And please, you can count on me to be a regular contributor. The center is a worthy cause, and it also allows me to right some wrongs from my past.”
“It does?” she asked, curious as to what he meant.
He sighed with a note of regret, but his voice seemed hopeful too as he answered her. “I made some mistakes when I was younger. I held onto a debt longer than I should have. This is my amends.”
“I’m a big fan of making changes,” she said, smiling as they talked about redemption and all its possibilities. So refreshing to hear him speak openly about amends. Sam had never truly embraced that concept, though she’d desperately wished he had. Even during his rehab stints, he’d never tried to apologize for his past sins and omissions. His behavior sober was remarkably similar to his behavior when he’d been high—yet another reason why she’d never trusted his recovery. It had never stuck, and he never truly changed.
Clearly.
He’d died in her arms smashed on cocaine.
Colin, on the other hand, seemed to live a recovering life. He gave of his time. He opened his heart. He’d learned from the past. The man she knew now was exactly the kind of man she could see herself falling for. Colin cared about kids, and he was kind, smart, passionate, and sexy as hell. For a brief moment, she imagined their relationship with no rules, no boundaries, no lines, and she could see Colin fitting seamlessly into her life.
As more than her friend.
She wondered, though, what he’d been like when he was addicted, and if she would even have recognized him. Not physically, but emotionally—was he the same guy she knew now? Or was he more like Sam? Or even Charlie, who also seemed determined to live a changed sort of life.
After the call ended, someone rapped on her door, so she swept aside her musings about Colin and making amends. She rose and opened it, delighted to see Marcus on the other side. But her smile fell quickly—his face was white as snow.
“I need to talk to you. Badly.” His voice shook.
Worry coursed through her, a prickly flurry of nerves as she shut the door. “Of course, come in. What’s going on?”
He sank onto her couch and dropped his head in his hand, running his fingers roughly through his hair. Her heart lurched toward him.
“I need to talk. About some heavy shit. And you can’t tell anyone,” he said, raising his face.
“Are you going to tell me something I’d need to tell someone else?” She looked him in the eye, making it clear that she’d keep his confidences if they didn’t cross certain lines. “Because if you tell me you’re going to hurt yourself or someone else, there’s no confidentiality.”
“No. God, no,” he said with a brief laugh, but it was a joyless sound. “I just need this to be between us.”
While she wasn’t technically Marcus’s social worker, she’d been trained as one. And as the center director, she strove to abide by proper guidelines. That meant she’d keep whatever they discussed between the two of them.
“My family, who I’ve been trying to meet? My brothers? My sister?” he said, as if he needed to prompt her.
“Yes.”
He sighed deeply. “You know one of them.”
She cocked her head, trying to figure out who on earth it could be. “I do?”
He nodded and gulped. “You do. He’s a volunteer here, and I knew that when I first came to play hoops. He’s the reason I started coming around the center. To see what my family was like. To get a sense before I met them.”
The world froze. Everything and everyone became a statue as she swayed, absorbing his news.
“Colin Sloan is one of my brothers.”
She clasped a hand to her mouth. Then it was her turn to sink down, as she fell into her chair and tried to rearrange her shock so she could lend her support.
“My dad never wanted me to meet them,” Marcus said. “He always told me I was safer staying away from them. So I respected his wishes while I lived under his roof. I worry he’s going to be pissed when he finds out, but I don’t care. I have to do this. I need to go back and try again. Especially since I just talked to Colin in the hall.”
“Does he know?” she asked, her voice papery.
Marcus shook his head. “No. Not yet. But he seems like a good guy, and I want to do this right.” He talked more about his parents and the twisted tale of how his dad met his mom, and how his dad felt about her. When he was done, he took the biggest inhalation in the world, it seemed, and relaxed into the couch, spreading his arms across the back of it. “You’re the only person I’ve told about this. God, it feels good to finally say their names. To finally be able to talk to someone and share all the details.”
He was unburdened, buoyed with relief. Meanwhile, she’d taken on the weight of one of the biggest secrets she could ever imagine keeping from someone she cared for.
Cared for.
Holy shit. The realization crash-landed in her that Colin wasn’t just the man she was sleeping with. He was more to her. Even if she couldn’t have it, she realized she wanted more than friendship with him. More than just these sexy nights.
This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to be her no-strings lover.
Which made this new situation that much harder. Because she’d just spent the last hour in a strange state of suspended animation as she counseled a boy on how to reconnect with the family of the man she was involved with.
Never in her life had she wanted to clone herself like she did now. Never had she so badly needed to be two Elles at once.
* * *
Colin closed the math apps on his laptop, pleased with the progress that Rex had made. After winning the basketball court bet, Colin had expected some resistance from Rex, but the teen had taken quickly to the business math they worked on and had decided to sign up for a math placement test at community college in just a few days. Their tutoring had become a crash course, and Rex had been excelling.
As a reward, Rex attacked a fleet of zombies as he played video games with his brother Tyler and Elle’s son Alex. Colin glanced over at the boys, firing away at the living dead on the TV.
Alex pointed, practically stabbing the screen. “Get that one. Do it now!” he shouted to Rex.
Sometimes, it was odd to be in the same room with Alex. Not because Colin knew what the kid’s mom looked like naked and falling apart in his arms. And not because there was any weirdness with Alex—there wasn’t.
The issue lay with Colin. He was keenly aware that Elle had drawn a line in the sand regarding who she let into her son’s life. Given what happened to Alex’s dad, he understood her need to protect him.
“Rex, look out! There’s another one. You have to book it to the safe house!” The warning came from Rex’s little brother. Rex narrowed his eyes in fierce concentration, jamming his thumb hard on the controller, firing away at a zombie and blasting him to smithereens.
“Oh yeah! You did it. Man. You don’t suck as much as I thought,” Alex said to Rex, then punched him on the shoulder.
“I don’t suck at all. I rock hard. And I will school you soon enough,” Rex said as he raised his arms in triumph.
“You wish,” Alex said, picking up his controller to get ready for his turn. “I am the master.”
Rex craned his neck to catch Colin’s attention. “Hey, man! Got any tips for us on angles and shit?