What woman sleeps after being raped? Why hasn’t she called the cops?
Maybe she liked it, eh, Eddie? Maybe your ma misses having a man around.
“No, no, no!” He covered his mouth and then his ears as the voices began to take over.
The next morning, he tried to talk to her: “Who was he? What happened? Were you attacked? Is it someone we know?”
She would not answer.
Her purity had been lost and she seemed not to care.
She has become a slut. She liked it with the strange man. Or men. Why else won’t she tell you what happened? You don’t know her anymore, Eddie. She was with a man — a man, Eddie, who was not your father. She was with a stranger.
No, no, Eddie, she was possibly raped. You need to take care of her.
Yes, Eddie, you need to take care of her. She needs to be cleansed of all the filth, the sins.
He had too much on his mind to go to his ridiculous special school so he wandered off to the arcade in Parkway Parade. He needed to think and school was not the place to be. Fortunately, the voices left him alone at the arcade.
Around noon, he decided to head home. His mother was usually at work at this time, but this day was different, he knew she would be home.
He saw her back first; she appeared to be on the phone. She turned toward the door, but did not seem to notice him. She was staring at the ceiling and talking very quickly.
“I can’t believe this happened...” she was saying.
He stopped. Perhaps now he would hear what had occurred. She would reveal the name of the bastard to her friend, he thought. This would be good, he needed to know and he would find out right now. She began to cry and her words got muffled. He could barely make out what she was saying, and he stared hard at her lips.
“We were walking through the park...” She was clearly getting more and more agitated. “It was so quiet and no one was around. He turned and kissed me and then... and then he pulled at my blouse... in the dirt right here in the park. I can’t believe it happened. I think I’m—” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw him and quickly hung up the phone. “Would you like something to eat?”
He said no. Her question surprised him; usually it would have been a torrent of, Why are you not in school? Where have you been? Today she seemed uninterested.
Told you, man. Told you, she is hiding something.
She is seeing a man.
Eddie, don’t listen to him. You don’t know what she said. You did not read her lips all the way through. You don’t know the whole story.
There he goes, Eddie, calling you stupid because you can’t hear properly. Yes, he is calling you stupid — are you going to let him do that?
No, I am not stupid.
I never said you were.
Thoughts clawed at his brain like tiny crabs taking over the shoreline.
He remembered that day even more clearly than the day of the rape. Because after that phone call, her behavior began to really change.
Ma began to stay out later after work each day. When he asked why, she made excuses that made no sense. She seemed constantly lost in thought, and he hated the fact that she ignored his questions. She began to scout local resale stores for silk blouses and bright skirts. She even started wearing makeup. Perhaps, he thought, she feels like she has been prostituted so she needs to dress and behave like one. He wondered how he could help her. He asked her constantly about that day; she never responded.
Although she did still go to the Holy Family Church, he noticed that she had stopped praying in the mornings. She was more concerned with the way her hair looked than with reading the Bible.
I told you, she is turning into a prostitute.
No, she isn’t. She is a kind, gentle woman, don’t forget that, Eddie.
She is a prostitute, Eddie. Ever wonder where she goes out at night? Why is she so late? Who is she with? Why won’t she tell you?
The final straw was when she began to have people over several times a month. Men and women came to his house for what she called a reading club, to discuss some book. He hated them on sight, and hated the fake attention they showered on him. She thrived on it. A cleaning lady in a book club — it was a joke. The people came and talked to her, they ate and drank together and laughed. They were stealing his mother from him, and she was letting it happen.
“Why are you trying to be so atas?” he asked one day, and she slapped him. It was the first time.
She doesn’t need you anymore, Eddie. She has them.
A cleaning woman — what does she need to read for, Eddie?
She is becoming atas, Eddie. Soon she will think you aren’t good enough for her.
He began to withdraw.
He knew it was all because of the rape. It had changed her; she was no longer the beautiful, pious woman he had loved. She was now a cheap slut, flaunting herself in front of these people in her new clothes and makeup, laughing out loud, pretending to be someone she was not. He was sure she was in a lot of pain.
You are right, Eddie, she needs help.
Her soul has been desecrated, you need to cleanse her. She is in pain. Evil is making her hide the pain. You need to help her, Eddie, she is your ma. She would do the same for you.
Help her, man, help her.
The decision was made. The voices were unanimous. He decided he would help her. He would put her out of her pain.
He picked a day about two weeks later, telling her he had saved enough to treat his mother to a nice meal.
Then he began to plan, meticulously writing down each step.
When the day finally arrived, his mind was calm. He was prepared.
Even though God had not given him the best ears or brain, he had given him several advisors who dwelled in his head.
His mother dressed down for the dinner, which pleased him.
At five p.m., he told her he was ready to go.
Together they walked to a little beachside restaurant nearby, one he knew she liked. Because it was right by the water, you could feel the sand under your feet at the table. Ma loved it, and he wanted her to enjoy this evening.
She ordered her favorite, fermented shrimp-coated fried chicken wings, for the two of them, the extra large basket that they had shared many times before.
As they ate, he began to tell her about the new place he had discovered — it would be his present for her birthday.
“It’s beautiful, Ma! You have to see it, will you come with me?”
She smiled at him. “Yes, of course.”
She reached into her purse to pay. He protested. It was his treat, he said. After he paid, he took her hand and started walking.
They had been strolling along the water for about fifteen minutes when Ma started worrying. “Where is it, Eddie? I’m getting tired and it’s getting dark.”
“Just a bit longer, Ma,” he said.
They reached a tiny jetty, a long slender walkway that cut a swath far out into the blue.
Eddie squeezed his mother’s hand, gently tugging her along as he stepped onto the jetty and headed toward the edge. “Happy Birthday, Ma!” He beamed as he pointed toward the panorama at the end of the pier.
She had lived on Singapore’s East Coast all her life, but even in the dimming light of the evening, she was stunned by the view. He had managed to find a view of the sea that she had never seen before. Shades of blue looked like flowing silk, the shadowy tankers twinkled in the distance. All the colors and sights melded together to form a perfect seascape.