If I couldn’t sit next to Josie, I’d go for Daniel.
If I had to, I’d use one of the others. I wasn’t sure Daniel would surrender to save somebody like Stan, but I had to try. Regardless, no matter what, I was going to act.
I taped myself up, padding my pants with the gauze. It was too painful to sit, so I paced around the room, waiting for them to come get me.
Half an hour passed. They were probably still having convulsions of laughter. Bastards.
Another full hour passed before the door opened. Foster again, still holding his gun. “Let’s go,” he said. “We’re about to have an emergency meeting.”
I WAS TAKEN back inside the mansion, to a large, nicely furnished den. Daniel shut off the wide-screen TV with the remote control as Foster and I entered. He was sitting next to Josie on a loveseat, while Mortimer reclined in an easy chair, sipping a bottle of beer. Stan sat on the floor, leaning his back against a small couch as he chewed on a pencil.
“Welcome back, Andrew,” said Daniel. “How’s the ass doing?”
“It’s fine,” I said. I glanced around the room approvingly. “Very nice.”
“Thanks. Why don’t you have a seat? We’ve got something to discuss.”
“I’d rather stand, for obvious reasons.”
“Yeah, I know, but I’d rather you sit.”
Foster pushed a metal folding chair behind me. I sat down with a wince.
“Care for a beer?” Daniel asked.
“Nah, that’s all right.”
“Pop?”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, I guess that’s soda to you southern folk.”
“I knew what you meant. No, no soda, thanks.”
“Bottled water? Anything?”
“I’m fine.”
“You sure? Okay.” Daniel leaned forward. “All right, Andrew, I’m going to be straight with you. I don’t think this is working out. You’re not enjoying yourself, and you’re not fitting in.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I thought I was going to be giving you the vacation of a lifetime. I’ve put so much hard work and energy into this place, and I can’t share it! It’s frustrating. And so I leapt at the chance to bring in a new person, but I didn’t think it through, and I’ve treated you horribly, and for that I apologize.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I said.
“We’ve all discussed this, and we feel it’s best if we take you home. I’ll let you decide what you want to do with Roger. I’d prefer that you leave him here for us, but that’s up to you. Do you think we can end this without hard feelings?”
“Absolutely.”
“Would you mind filling out one of our customer satisfaction surveys before you leave?” Daniel asked. “No, I’m kidding, but I do have one question. Did you honestly think we weren’t going to find out that you’ve been lying to us all this time?”
Chapter 16
THERE WERE many possible responses to that query, but I went with the most generic. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Now, see, that’s the kind of thing that really bugs me,” said Daniel. “I’m not stupid, and I’d like you to respect my intelligence. You’re not the Headhunter, you never were. You’re Andrew Mayhem, happily married with two kids and a best friend you’d give your life for. I’m assuming you managed to get the real Headhunter to blab his whole story, and you thought that you’d pass yourself off as him to be a great big hero and rescue all these poor innocent victims. Now tell me, is that a reasonable assessment of the situation?”
I remained silent.
“I’m not playing around anymore. The games are on hold. I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.”
“No, it’s not a reasonable assessment.”
“Is that a fact? Okay, then, Mortimer, would you like to show Exhibit A?”
Mortimer held up the piece of notebook paper I’d tried to fax. The writing was smeared, but still legible, even with my lousy handwriting.
“Exhibit A, found in the pants pocket of a Mr. Andrew Mayhem, one hour ago by Mortimer, who was so kind as to say yes when I asked him to throw some clothes in the wash. Not a very promising sign of your loyalty to our little group, now is it?”
“I can explain,” I said. I desperately wanted myself to just shut up, but the lame comments kept spewing out of my mouth.
“I’m not interested in your explanation quite yet. Ready for Exhibit B?”
“I’m ready for Exhibit B,” said Foster.
“Alas, there is no real Exhibit B. Exhibit B is simply the agreement by all of us that your story is complete bullshit. To be totally honest, you were pretty questionable from the beginning, to some of us more than others, but I think even without Exhibit A we’d still be in this same spot, having this same conversation. Without the references to Exhibit A, naturally.”
“Or Exhibit B,” Josie added.
“Right, though the gist of Exhibit B would remain, it simply wouldn’t have been referred to as Exhibit B, since there would have been no Exhibit A to follow. Do you understand what I’m driving at, Andrew?”
“Just that you people are totally sick in the head.”
Daniel frowned. “Now, that’s another one of those things that really bugs me. I’m not asking you to throw yourself at my feet in tears or anything, but it wouldn’t hurt you to be polite.”
“You expect me to be polite while you’re accusing me of this nonsense?” I’d developed such an unbearably bad headache that I now had an escape plan. I’d simply wait to my head to explode, and then use the distraction to flee.
“Okay, now we’ve gone past the point of things that bug me into the realm of things that piss me off. We’ve caught you, Andrew. You’re dead. You’re history. In fact, when you find out what we’ve got planned for you, you’re going to wish you’d been one of those poor souls we tore apart with the darts.”
“I wholeheartedly agree with that statement,” said Foster. “Your death is not going to be a nice one.”
“No, it’s not,” Josie added. “I’ve never considered myself a squeamish woman, but just thinking about what’s going to happen to you makes me want to squeam.”
Daniel chuckled. “So shall we get to it?”
“Whoa, hold on,” I said, barely able to hear my own words. “Don’t I get to tell my side of it?”
Daniel shook his head. “No. You do not.”
“You can’t do this. You can’t drag me all the way to Alaska for your little party and then treat me like this.”
Daniel slammed his fist against the armrest, making Josie jump. “ You are not the Headhunter! ” he screamed. “Stop insulting my intelligence! You are dead! D-E-A-D! And there’s not a single thing that can save you! Do you understand?”
The doorbell rang.
“What the hell?” asked Daniel.
“People know where I am,” I said. “Cops, FBI, the whole works. I’ve got a tracer in my shoe. They’ve known where I was from the beginning. So I strongly recommend that you behave yourself.”
“Foster, check it out,” said Daniel. Foster nodded and hurried out of the room.
“You’d all better just give up now,” I told everyone. “Things are going to get ugly.”
“Things are already ugly,” Daniel informed me. “And you don’t have to worry, no matter what happens I will make sure you die. And get your hand away from your pocket before I shoot it off.”
I didn’t have anything in my pocket, but he didn’t have to know that. “I’ve seen your shooting at darts. I wasn’t impressed.”
Daniel’s face darkened. “You can not possibly imagine how much I am going to enjoy what we’ve got planned for you.”