Lucas and Aidan were talking quietly.
“I’m willing to try if he is,” Aidan was saying. “He just seems so mad. It’s been that way ever since I got back.”
“He missed you,” Lucas insisted. “He missed his brother, and he doesn’t know how to say it.”
She listened to the two of them talk and couldn’t help but wonder. Was that what was wrong with her? Lucas seemed so willing to forgive. She remembered back to the day Aidan had left. She’d cried, and Lucas had told her that he would be back.
It might not be tomorrow, but he’ll come back. He loves you. Deep down I think he loves me, too. When Aidan gets used to the idea, he’ll come back, and we need to be ready to forgive him.
He’d held that line until the accident. After that, Lucas had stopped talking about when Aidan would come back. He’d shut down and focused on her. He’d subjugated his own needs.
What if the accident had never happened? Would she be as willing to forgive Aidan as Lucas was?
Who was she scared of forgiving? Aidan or herself?
“I’m going to go and talk to the cops.” Aidan leaned over, and his lips brushed the top of her head. “I won’t be long.”
He strode out of the room.
“He knows something,” Lucas said, watching the door as it closed. His hair was rumpled, and an air of weariness hung over him. He’d avoided meeting her eyes since they had made it to the hospital. “Did you get a look at the car that hit us?”
“No.” It had been too dark. Everything had seemed like someone had hit the fast forward button until the roll. That had taken forever. Still, she had her suspicions. “Does anyone know what Karen drives?”
Lucas walked to the window. He pulled the curtain back and stared into the night. “You think Karen did this?”
“Well, I think she hates me. I think she was in Dallas on the day I got shot. I think she smokes. You found cigarette butts where you think the shooter stood, right?” It made sense. She couldn’t think of anyone else who might want her dead. She was obnoxious, but most people didn’t want to kill her over it.
“I don’t know. She seems like a woman who wouldn’t ruin her manicure, much less her car. I wasn’t surprised she tried to queen bee you, but actual murder? I don’t know. And I don’t know how much we can count on the cigarettes leading us to a suspect. Lots of people smoke. Hell, most of Aidan’s ranch hands smoke. I already put in a call to Ben and Chase. They’re going to start working with the police here.”
“Well, I’m sure the Wonder Twins will figure it out eventually.” She sighed. “I guess I won’t be let off the ranch for a while.”
“No,” Lucas replied. “But I have to go back to Dallas for a few days. I have loose ends to tie up. If I’m going to be in Deer Run, then I have to find a way to do my work from there.”
The room fell silent. Though it was quiet, there was nothing peaceful about it. It was awkward and heavy. Lucas let his head rest against the window pane.
The argument in the truck played back in her brain. The words assaulted her, but more than that she was starting to listen to what was underneath those words. Her head hurt, but her heart was aching.
“Do you really think I pretend he didn’t exist?”
Now he was looking at her. His green eyes bore through her. “You never talk about him. He’s always there, but you never mention his name. I can see that it’s killing you, but you shut down the minute I try to talk. I was there, Lexi. I held him, too. I ache from that night, but I’m not allowed to talk about it. Not even with you.”
She wanted to shrink into herself. She’d avoided this for so long. How could she have not seen that it affected Lucas, too? She’d selfishly believed she was the only one who really hurt, and she’d shut him out of her grief. She’d made him her accomplice in forgetting, in refusing to move on.
“I thought if I didn’t talk about him, I would forget.”
Lucas nodded. “I know. But you won’t and you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t forget him. Can’t you see that?”
“It hurts too much. I don’t want to tell Aidan.” Her eyes were heavy with tears. She looked down at her hands, but Lucas was suddenly there, his palms sliding over hers.
“He deserves to know.”
“The hard part is, I can’t figure out why I don’t want to tell him, Lucas. Am I trying to spare him the pain? Am I punishing him? Am I just terrified that he won’t ever forgive me?”
“All of the above.” Lucas forced her chin up so she had to look at him. His eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “And every single reason is valid, baby. But it’s time to move past that now. It’s time to step up and tell the truth.”
“Did you love him?” Aidan stood in the doorway, a cup of coffee in his hand. His face was blank, his skin a stark white.
How much had he guessed? There was nothing for it now. Since the moment he’d walked back into her life, she was always going to have to make a choice. She could choose to tell him what she should have before or she could keep stubbornly silent. It was so clear to her now that two paths lay before her. She could refuse to tell him her secret and walk away—or she could be brave and share the pain that had always been theirs to share.
“It’s all right if you did,” Aidan said. “I understand if you met someone else.”
“Brandon wasn’t a boyfriend, Aidan. He was our son.”
Chapter Fifteen
The cup of coffee fell to the floor, splattering across his pants. Aidan felt the burning heat, but it didn’t register.
“What did you say?” he asked because his mind couldn’t quite make the connection.
Lucas got to his feet. There was a somber air surrounding him. He walked over and picked up the cup. “I’m going to go and get us all some coffee. I think the two of you need to talk.”
The door closed behind Lucas, and Aidan was left alone with Lexi.
She sat for a moment, the tension palpable in the air between them. Aidan wanted to be closer to her, but he could feel the wall there. “I said Brandon was our son.”
“You were pregnant? How were you pregnant?” Even as he said the words, he knew how stupid they were, but his brain wasn’t functioning. All he could see was Lexi sitting there telling him he had a son. How could he have a son?
The words that came out of her mouth dripped with sarcasm, but her face was flat, with none of her normal animation, like she was a doll and someone had pulled her string. “The normal way, Aidan. See when a girl and her undercover bisexual boyfriend love each other very much…”
“Don’t you dare joke about this.”
That blank face moved just a bit, her mouth turning down slightly. “I’m sorry. I hide behind it. I know I do.”
He had a son. She was telling him he had a son. Lucas had known. She’d told Lucas, but not him.
“Stop. Just stop. Just tell me.” He needed the story, and he didn’t want to have to wade through Lexi’s bullshit.
She stuttered and grasped at the edges of her gown. She looked so young sitting there. How young had she been when she’d had their baby? Where was their baby? His mind was a chaotic mess of questions, but that one screamed through his brain. If Lexi had their baby, where was he? Was he being raised by someone else? How was he going to get his kid back? Because if he had a kid out there in the world, Aidan wanted him. Had she been so mad at him she couldn’t handle the thought of raising his child? It just didn’t compute. Lexi had always wanted children. They had talked about it the night they got engaged. And Lucas would have gladly stepped in. Hell, Lucas would have married her and put his own name on the birth certificate if she’d wanted it. A sick feeling opened in the pit of Aidan’s stomach.