Instead, he let go of her and sank to his knees. He didn’t try to stop his tears. He let his grief flow. He knelt in front of her like a penitent. “Please forgive me, Lexi.”
This was what he should have done in the first place, he thought as her hand came out to stroke his hair. He should have walked in and dropped to his not fully functional knees and begged. He’d thought he needed to prove he had changed, but he owed her his pleas. She’d tossed her pride aside by begging him not to leave. Pride had no place if it kept them apart.
“Aidan, you didn’t do this. I kept it from you. I should have told you. I should have called you when I knew.” Something inside her seemed to have eased. Her face was puffy and red. She’d never cried prettily. When Lexi cried, it was with passion. She cried like a woman, and he still thought she was beautiful.
“I walked out. I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me.” Aidan kept talking because she was listening, finally listening, and he wasn’t about to waste this chance. “I love you so much. You’re a part of me. You’re the best part of me. I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of your life, I’ll follow you. I’ll make sure you’re safe, because that’s what I was born to do.”
“Aidan, I understand that you feel guilty, but it could have happened even if you had been here. I still could have lost him.”
“But I would have been here to grieve with you, angel. I would have mourned and taken care of you. I would have buried our boy, and I would have clung to you like a goddamn life raft, because that’s what people in love do.”
“I thought you would hate me.” She was calmer, though the tears continued. “I thought you would blame me for not telling you.”
“I would have come back, Lexi. Hell, by that time I was looking for excuses, but in the end, I walked out. I should have stayed and fought, but I was a pussy. I won’t do it again. Kick me out and I’ll sleep on the porch, but I won’t walk. I’m here for life, Lexi.”
She pulled her hand away, her eyes narrowing as she started to weep again. “I feel like I’m in a corner, and I don’t know how to get out. I’ve been here for so long, I just don’t know how.”
Lucas’s slow and steady voice came from the doorway. “Just step out, baby. We’re here for you. I know you feel like you painted yourself into that corner, but no one wants you there.”
“I’ll have to tell my mom. She’s going to be so upset.”
“I think she’ll understand. She asked me the other day why you never played with Josh. It bothers her that you love Olivia, but you don’t even look at Josh. No one is going to be mad at you, Lexi.” Lucas’s face was solemn. It was obvious to Aidan that he wanted to join them, but he held himself apart. “I’m a different story. I didn’t call you either, Aidan. I knew I should, but I didn’t, because I didn’t want to lose her. It was selfish, and it cost her. If I had, she might not have gotten here.”
Lexi quickly stepped in. “Don’t blame Lucas. He made me see a therapist, but I knew what to say. I knew how to smile and act through all the steps she wanted me to go through. I didn’t want to give up my grief because it was the only thing I had left of Aidan. I’m sorry.”
Aidan stood and hauled her into his arms. “Never say you’re sorry. Don’t ever apologize for loving someone. We’ve all made mistakes. We can’t let that hold us back. We’ve wasted too much time.”
He held Lexi in one arm and held his hand out for Lucas.
Lucas shook his head. “This is for you and Lexi. I just came back to make sure you’re okay. I’ll give you two some time alone.”
Aidan hardened his voice. “You will not, Lucas. You will come here, and you will stand by your family. This only works if we share everything.”
“Please, Lucas,” Lexi pled. “We all lost him.”
Lucas broke, his handsome face contorting in sadness as he staggered toward them. He practically fell against them. Their arms wrapped around each other as they cried and comforted. They were a circle against anything outside. For that moment, this was the whole world.
They were together finally, and it was enough for Aidan.
Deep in the night, Dwight watched as Aidan stepped out of the hospital doors. He looked cautiously one way and then the next, as though he sensed he was prey.
Fucker just wouldn’t die. Why wouldn’t he die?
Dwight pulled the binoculars from his eyes as Bo’s car pulled up. He ground out his last cigarette in the dirt beneath his feet. There were too many of them to try anything else now. Besides, Karen was utterly passed out in her wrecked SUV just up the road.
He started to hike back through the woods across from the clinic. It had been a brilliant plan. Karen had made an ass of herself at the fair, and then he’d made sure she got rip-roaring drunk at the road house on the edge of town. After two margaritas, he’d talked her into a few shots. That was when she’d started talking about taking out the bitch who took her man.
She was so easy to manipulate. Dwight picked up the pace after shoving the binoculars back in his pack. His car was back at the fairgrounds, not far from Karen’s house. It would be a simple thing to tell the cops he’d dropped Karen off and then gone back to get his car. If anyone asked, he would say he’d met up with some tourist in the parking lot and spent a little time with her. Everyone knew he was a ladies’ man.
No one would question him. After all, he was an American hero.
Karen, on the other hand, was a drunken former beauty queen who everyone knew had a bad temper and even worse judgment. No one would be terribly surprised that she’d gotten behind the wheel and tried to kill her ex-boyfriend. All anyone at that fair had been talking about was the fact that Aidan O’Malley had kissed another man and how they pitied poor Karen who hadn’t been able to see that Aidan was gay.
Dwight broke into a jog. He’d hated the Army, but they had known how to whip a man into shape. He’d kept up his physical training. He could easily cross the two and half miles between the clinic and the fairgrounds in fifteen minutes. He would take the back roads home. He lived in the foreman’s house set off a bit from the main house. If he turned the lights off, no one would notice him driving in late.
It was all going bad. Aidan was close to making a breakthrough. He’d seen it earlier in the day. Aidan was remembering more and more. That stupid dog didn’t help. The dog had stood over Aidan’s body that terrible day, barking and growling any time Dwight had gotten close. If he’d been able to get past the fucking dog, maybe he could have taken care of the problem, but by then the firefight was over, and he could hear the other squad coming in. They might have questioned a burst of gunfire, and he couldn’t get close enough to slit the dumb animal’s throat.
Now the dog stood as a symbol of all Dwight stood to lose. The animal was a touchstone, constantly calling Aidan back to that day. If Aidan remembered, the case would be reopened, and Dwight would be reviled and possibly sent to jail if they could figure out that he’d purposefully shot two of the men so they couldn’t tell what he’d done.
He didn’t regret it. He wasn’t about to give up his life for a simple mistake anyone could have made. The gun had a loose trigger. The US Army spent shit supplying their soldiers. If a soldier wanted top-of-the-line body armor, his family had to pay for it. Dwight didn’t have a fucking family. He didn’t have anything. That was why he’d gone into the Army in the first place.
He made it to his car. He’d parked at the edge of the lot, and the whole place was dark and empty. He slipped into his car and started it, leaving the lights off.