Ben’s arms tightened. “It doesn’t sound stupid at all. Your therapist would probably kick our asses for doing that, but she would also agree that you had to see that you couldn’t go in.”
“Forgive me.” Her voice sounded small, plaintive.
Ben’s lips found hers. “Always. Now, I’m going to make some arrangements. We want to get this whole thing over with as soon as possible so we can concentrate on the good stuff. You need to fix him, Natalie. Please. Whatever he says, know he’s crazy about you. I know. I can feel it.”
Ben, his weasel, dick-crap-faced, turncoat-for-a-little-pussy brother, gave him a grave smile. It was his “don’t fuck this up” smile. He turned and walked out of the room. Chase heard the front door close.
“Do you want to go to dinner? I’ll sit at your feet. It might start making up for the whole Warrior Princess routine I went through. I have to apologize to Jack, too.” Nat stayed where she was, wary and on edge. Her eyes slid away from his.
He turned back to his computer. Ben might be ready to jump right back in, but he needed some time. He didn’t like the knowledge that one small woman could have so much fucking control over him. Ben could take care of her. Maybe in time, he could be the second dick.
Fuck, no. He couldn’t do that. Not with Natalie.
“I’m not really hungry anymore, Natalie. You can go. Ben will take care of you. I have some work to do.” He glanced back at his computer, unwilling to show her a moment of his emotions. It never did him any good. He was shit at expressing them. He was shit at handling them.
He had to face a few facts. He wasn’t built for the emotional crap. He was built to solve problems, and Natalie needed that, too. He’d thought for a minute in there that he could handle it, that she was the one, but he had to face facts about himself. Some men weren’t built for intimacy.
“He constantly told me how ugly I was.” Natalie moved closer, her hands together, wringing a little as she spoke. “It didn’t matter how hard I tried. I get that it wasn’t about me. He said that as a control mechanism, to break me down. But I tried really hard this afternoon. I never wear makeup. I don’t bother. Today, I wanted to look pretty for you.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And fuck. He was not going to give in. He was going back where he was comfortable—in his nice little shell. Screw happiness. He didn’t need this shit. God, he couldn’t leave her standing there. Despite every cell in his brain screaming at him to dismiss her, the words just came out. “You’re always beautiful, Natalie.”
“You make me feel that way.”
“I didn’t today.”
She sighed. “I understand why. Tell me something. Did you like it?”
He couldn’t look at her. The images on his computer screen didn’t make sense, though. They were watery. What the fuck was wrong with his eyes? “I didn’t. I like the way you look, Natalie. You’re my type. I didn’t like the dark hair on you, and I didn’t like not seeing the real color of your skin. Like I said, I have a type.”
Let her think it was just about looks.
She did that snorting thing that he would have found obnoxious on other women and he kind of loved with her. “Yeah, that must have been hard for you, Chase. No wonder you’re single. Pink hair. Pale skin. Tongue ring. Small breasts. Big old ass. You have very specific tastes.”
“I’m picky.”
“You are. You are the pickiest man I’ve ever met.” She moved beside him. She was right there, but he couldn’t reach out to her. “You’re also the kind of man who would risk what he wanted in order to protect it. Or her. I know you’re the kind of man who would stand there while a crazy woman punches him. Is your eye okay?”
She was seriously overestimating her own strength. “I barely felt it. It’s not something you should worry about.” His whole soul had ached as she’d hit and kicked out at a foe who was no longer alive. She’d fought so hard. And he’d been the one who represented everything that had gone wrong in her life. He would always be the hard-ass, the nasty Dom.
A hand touched his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
He moved the chair, getting out of her touch. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted her so fucking bad, and now he knew he couldn’t have her. “Don’t be, Natalie.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“It’s your name.”
“No. I’m your Cotton Candy.”
His sweetness. If she didn’t go away soon, he would break because he was so fucking weak when it came to her. It was why he’d pushed her in the first place. The minute he’d realized they’d been tailed, he couldn’t stop thinking about her safety. Now he was thinking about his own. “Natalie, please go find Ben. Ben can take care of you.”
She sank to her knees. “He can, but I need you, Sir.”
He closed his eyes, pain lancing at him. “You don’t. Natalie, here’s what you don’t understand. That was me who ordered you to go upstairs and change. I might have been a little harsher than I would normally be, but I am capable of that. I’m capable of wanting to dominate every minute of your life. I would want to spank you, tie you up, flog you, plug you, fuck you until you couldn’t remember a time I wasn’t inside you. That’s the guy I am. I can’t change that. I want you, Natalie. I want to own you. I want to collar you. I want to know every inch of you belongs to me and Ben and no-fucking-body else. Do you understand? I can’t be the guy you need.”
He looked down, trying to be as cold as possible to let her know this was who he was, but her face was turned up, her eyes filled with tears.
“You are what I need. I didn’t want to change until I met you. Not Ben. I love Ben, too, but it was you who made me want to fix myself.”
“You love Ben?” She loved Ben. Naturally.
“Only as much as I love you. And you were first, Sir Dawson.” She reached out, putting a hand on his leg. “Please, Chase. Forgive me. I want to be what you need, but I need time. I need your patience, and I need your love.”
Chase stood, backing away from her like she was on fire and he really didn’t want to get burned. “I’m not capable of that, Natalie. Ben got all of those emotions. I’m the rough one. I’m the one who needs all those things you can’t give me. It’s better that you stick with Ben.”
He had no idea how he would watch them settle in together, but he would. Ben didn’t really need to put a collar around a woman’s neck and have her sit at his feet. Ben could take care of a woman without having to own her. It was so stupid. He was stupid, and he didn’t even have a reason for it past the fact that he’d had four mothers come and go.
God, was he really that pathetic? Maybe he was the one who needed therapy.
She was on her knees, her face turned up toward him. “I’ll get where you need me to be. Chase, I wanted all of that once, too. I just got off track. Please give me time.”
She was begging, and he couldn’t stand it. This is what it would be like. They would both beg and plead and inevitably one of them would walk away and the one begging would just be left behind.
His father had never begged. His father had simply written his wives a check and gone on to find a younger one who would cheat on him and leave him because he was cold and cruel. Like Chase.
“I think I can do what I need to do from Dallas.” He started toward the door. He couldn’t put them through this. “Natalie, I’m sorry if I hurt you, but it wasn’t serious for me.”
“Yes, it was.” She was crying freely now. “It was serious. Don’t do this.”
But he was doing it for both of them. “I’ll send Ben back up. I wish the two of you the best.”