“How are you getting along?” he would blandly inquire.
“Oh, all right,” she would reply.
“Find it easy?”
“It will be all right when I get used to it.”
His paper would then engross his thoughts.
“I got some lard,” he would add, as an afterthought. “I thought maybe you might want to make some biscuit.”
The calm suggestion of the man astonished her a little, especially in the light of recent developments. Her dawning independence gave her more courage to observe, and she felt as if she wanted to say things. Still she could not talk to him as she had to Drouet. There was something in the man’s manner of which she had always stood in awe. He seemed to have some invisible strength in reserve.
One day, after her first week’s rehearsal, what she expected came openly to the surface.
“We’ll have to be rather saving,” he said, laying down some meat he had purchased. “You won’t get any money for a week or so yet.”
“No,” said Carrie, who was stirring a pan at the stove.
“I’ve only got the rent and thirteen dollars more,” he added.
“That’s it,” she said to herself. “I’m to use my money now.”
Instantly she remembered that she had hoped to buy a few things for herself. She needed clothes. Her hat was not nice.
“What will twelve dollars do towards keeping up this flat?” she thought. “I can’t do it. Why doesn’t he get something to do?”
The important night of the first real performance came. She did not suggest to Hurstwood that he come and see. He did not think of going. It would only be money wasted. She had such a small part.
The advertisements were already in the papers; the posters upon the bill-boards. The leading lady and many members were cited. Carrie was nothing.
As in Chicago, she was seized with stage fright as the very first entrance of the ballet approached, but later she recovered. The apparent and painful insignificance of the part took fear away from her. She felt that she was so obscure it did not matter. Fortunately, she did not have to wear tights. A group of twelve were assigned pretty golden-hued skirts which came only to a line about an inch above the knee. Carrie happened to be one of the twelve.
In standing about the stage, marching, and occasionally lifting up her voice in the general chorus, she had a chance to observe the audience and to see the inauguration of a great hit. There was plenty of applause, but she could not help noting how poorly some of the women of alleged ability did.
“I could do better than that,” Carrie ventured to herself, in several instances. To do her justice, she was right.
After it was over she dressed quickly, and as the manager had scolded some others and passed her, she imagined she must have proved satisfactory. She wanted to get out quickly, because she knew but few, and the stars were gossiping. Outside were carriages and some correct youths in attractive clothing, waiting. Carrie saw that she was scanned closely. The flutter of an eyelash would have brought her a companion. That she did not give.
One experienced youth volunteered, anyhow.
“Not going home alone, are you?” he said.
Carrie merely hastened her steps and took the Sixth Avenue car. Her head was so full of the wonder of it that she had time for nothing else.
“Did you hear any more from the brewery?” she asked at the end of the week, hoping by the question to stir him on to action.
“No,” he answered, “they’re not quite ready yet. I think something will come of that, though.”
She said nothing more then, objecting to giving up her own money, and yet feeling that such would have to be the case. Hurstwood felt the crisis, and artfully decided to appeal to Carrie. He had long since realised how good-natured she was, how much she would stand. There was some little shame in him at the thought of doing so, but he justified himself with the thought that he really would get something. Rent day gave him his opportunity.
“Well,” he said, as he counted it out, “that’s about the last of my money. I’ll have to get something pretty soon.”
Carrie looked at him askance, half-suspicious of an appeal.
“If I could only hold out a little longer I think I could get something. Drake is sure to open a hotel here in September.”
“Is he?” said Carrie, thinking of the short month that still remained until that time.
“Would you mind helping me out until then?” he said appealingly. “I think I’ll be all right after that time.”
“No,” said Carrie, feeling sadly handicapped by fate.
“We can get along if we economise. I’ll pay you back all right.”
“Oh, I’ll help you,” said Carrie, feeling quite hard-hearted at thus forcing him to humbly appeal, and yet her desire for the benefit of her earnings wrung a faint protest from her.
“Why don’t you take anything, George, temporarily?” she said. “What difference does it make? Maybe, after a while, you’ll get something better.”
“I will take anything,” he said, relieved, and wincing under reproof. “I’d just as leave dig on the streets. Nobody knows me here.”
“Oh, you needn’t do that,” said Carrie, hurt by the pity of it. “But there must be other things.”
“I’ll get something!” he said, assuming determination.
Then he went back to his paper.
CHAPTER XXXIX
OF LIGHTS AND OF SHADOWS:
THE PARTING OF WORLDS
WHAT HURSTWOOD GOT AS the result of the determination was more self-assurance that each particular day was not the day. At the same time, Carrie passed through thirty days of mental distress.
Her need of clothes—to say nothing of her desire for ornaments—grew rapidly as the fact developed that for all her work she was not to have them. The sympathy she felt for Hurstwood at the time he asked her to tide him over, vanished with these newer urgings of decency. He was not always renewing his request but this love of good appearance was. It insisted, and Carrie wished to satisfy it, wished more and more that Hurstwood was not in the way.
Hurstwood reasoned, when he neared the last ten dollars, that he had better keep a little pocket change and not become wholly dependent for car-fare, shaves, and the like; so when this sum was still in his hand he announced himself as penniless.
“I’m clear out,” he said to Carrie one afternoon. “I paid for some coal this morning, and that took all but ten or fifteen cents.”
“I’ve got some money there in my purse.”
Hurstwood went to get it, starting for a can of tomatoes. Carrie scarcely noticed that this was the beginning of the new order. He took out fifteen cents and bought the can with it. Thereafter it was dribs and drabs of this sort, until one morning Carrie suddenly remembered that she would not be back until close to dinner time.
“We’re all out of flour,” she said; “you’d better get some this afternoon. We haven’t any meat, either. How would it do if we had liver and bacon?”
“Suits me,” said Hurstwood.
“Better get a half or three-quarters of a pound of that.”
“Half’ll be enough,” volunteered Hurstwood.
She opened her purse and laid down a half dollar. He pretended not to notice it.
Hurstwood bought the flour—which all grocers sold in 3
-pound packages—for thirteen cents and paid fifteen cents for a half-pound of liver and bacon. He left the packages, together with the balance of thirty-two cents, upon the kitchen table, where Carrie found it. It did not escape her that the change was accurate. There was something sad in realising that, after all, all that he wanted of her was something to eat. She felt as if hard thoughts were unjust. Maybe he would get something yet. He had no vices.