Tammy spent a long, quiet, reflective weekend. The show was shut down because of the strike, and they already knew they weren't going to be able to shoot the following week because of it. The union said they could hold out for months. And the network was going to lose a fortune if they did. But there was nothing Tammy could do. What she was contemplating now was her own life. She spent a lot of quiet time with Juanita, stroking her quietly as the little dog slept on her lap. Holding the dog always gave Tammy a sense of peace, and by Sunday night she knew what she wanted to do. The decision had been hard. It was the scariest thing she'd ever done.
On Monday morning, she made an appointment with the senior executive producer of the show for later that afternoon. And another appointment with the head of the network the following day. She wanted to speak to them both. She owed it to them, and to herself.
She looked somber when she walked into the senior executive producer's office, and he smiled as he looked up.
“Don't look so depressed. The strike can't last forever. We'll settle it in a couple of weeks, and get back on track.” His view was more optimistic than what she'd been hearing around the show.
“I hope that's true,” she said, as she sat down. She didn't know where to start.
“By the way, I'm sorry about your loss.” It was the expression she hated most. It always seemed to be said by rote, and was such an easy way out. Like Season's Greetings. Or All The Best. All the best what? It wasn't just a loss, it was her mother's life. And her sister's eyes. Which was why she was sitting in his office. But it wasn't his fault. He was a nice man, and had been a decent boss. And she loved the show. It had been her baby for all this time. And now she had come to give it back. It was like giving up her child. Tears filled her eyes even before she spoke.
“Tammy, what's wrong? You look upset.”
“I am,” she said honestly, pulling a tissue out of her pocket and dabbing at her eyes. “I don't want to do what I'm about to do, but I have to.”
“You don't have to do anything you don't want to do,” he said calmly. He could see what was coming, and he was trying to take some of the air out of the balloon, before it popped. But it already had.
“I came here to resign,” she said simply, with tears running down her cheeks.
“Don't you think that's a little extreme, Tammy?” he said gently. He dealt with crises every day, and he was good at handling them. As a rule, so was she. But more than anything, she knew that right now this wasn't where she belonged. She needed to go home. L.A. had been home to her since college, she loved her job and her house. But she loved her sisters more. “It's only a strike.”
“It's not about the strike.”
“Then what is it?” He spoke to her like a child. She was just another hysterical woman sitting in a chair on the other side of his desk, although he had enormous respect for her. A scene like this was totally atypical of her.
“My mother died in July, as you know. And my sister was blinded in the accident. My father is a mess. I just need to go home for a while and lend a hand.”
“Do you want a leave of absence, Tammy?” Normally, he couldn't have spared her, but he didn't want to lose her either. She was vital to the show.
“I would, but that wouldn't be fair to you. I want to go home for a year, so I came here to quit my job. I love it, I love everyone here. It drives me insane, but there's nothing I'd rather do…except be with them. They need me at home. My oldest sister is just carrying too much. My youngest sister is too young. And the one who's blind now needs all the help she can get. So, I'm checking out.” She looked grief-stricken as she said it. It was the biggest sacrifice she'd ever made, but she knew it was right. Leaving the show was like leaving home too.
“Are you sure?” He looked shocked, but it was impossible to argue with what she had said. It was obviously a tough time for her. An extremely tough time, and he knew how close she was to her family. Unusually so, which was rare.
“Yes, I am.”
“This is a lot for you to give up.”
“I know. And I'll never have another job I love this much. But I can't let my family down,” she said almost tragically. And yet in her heart, it felt clean and right and pure. It had been tormenting her ever since she got back to L.A.
“There are no decent shows for you to work on in New York.”
“I know that too. But even if I work on some shit show, this is something I have to do for them. I'll never forgive myself if I don't. In the end, this is just a show. What they're dealing with is real life. My sisters need my help, and so does my dad.”
“It's noble of you, Tammy, but a hell of a sacrifice for you. It could impact your whole career.”
“And if I stay? What does that say about who I am as a human being?” she asked him, as her eyes bored into his. She never wavered in her resolve. He was stunned by the force of it as she sat on the other side of his desk.
“When do you want to leave?” he asked, looking worried.
“As soon as I can. That's up to you. I won't just walk out. But I'd like to get back there soon.”
He didn't try to talk her out of it, he could see he couldn't. “If you give us till next week, maybe I can get one of the associate producers to step in. The strike will probably still be on, so that gives us time.” In their business, no one stuck around once they gave notice. In fact, they were usually ushered out by security within minutes. He would never do that to her. It was entirely up to him. She was prepared to do whatever he wanted, even if he told her to leave within the hour. Her decision had been made.
“Next week will be fine. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,” she said, as she started to cry again.
“I'm sorry for you,” he said kindly, as he stood up, walked around the desk, and hugged her. “I hope everything turns out for the best, and that your sister will be all right.”
“So do I.” Tammy smiled through her tears. “Thank you. Thank you for being so nice about it, and not throwing me out.”
“I couldn't do that to you.”
“I would understand if you did.”
He thanked her again and wished her well as he walked her out of his office. They had agreed that she would leave by the following Friday. She had nine workdays left, and then her career in television was virtually over. For now anyway. And she might never get a decent job again. She knew that as she left his office, but she truly felt she had no choice.
Her meeting with the head of the network the next day was less emotional. He was angry at first, and then resigned. He thought that what Tammy was doing was a crazy thing to do. He told her she was throwing her career away. And as he pointed out, giving up her job, which was so much more than just a job, would not give her sister back her sight. Tammy pointed out that that was true, but it might help support her through a terrible time, and the others who were with her. He could see her point, but it was not the decision he would have made. Which was why he was the head of the network, and she wasn't. But Tammy also knew that his home life was a mess. His wife had left him two years before for another man, and both of his children were on drugs. So maybe from a career standpoint, he was right. But personally, she wouldn't have traded her life for his. She'd rather screw up her career than let her sisters down. And maybe one day there would be another opportunity for her, even at a different network. For now, she just had to trust the fates. She was doing her part right, maybe they'd do theirs.
She thanked the head of the network for his time, and left his office. The deed was done. All she had to do was finish out these two weeks. And she had decided not to tell Sabrina and Annie anything about it. She knew they would object for her sake. This was a gift she was giving them, and it was her choice.
She packed quietly over the next two weeks. She had decided not to rent her house. For now, she could afford to keep it as it was, and just close it. She had been careful with her money, and had plenty set aside, even if she didn't work for the next year, although she was planning to look for something in New York. You never knew what might turn up. And with luck, she'd be back here in a year. So she wasn't going to sell anything, or make any more brutal changes than she already had. At least she still had her house if not her job.