“What if it was a girl?” I ask him. Oh my God. Why did I just say that?
He smiles a wide grin that beams so bright, it threatens to break his face.
“I’ve always wanted a little girl,” he says. “A daughter to call my own.”
I smile, swallowing thickly, because if I don’t, I will scream.
He pulls a T-shirt over his head and dons his leather cut. “I’m going back to see my wife,” he says dismissively. “Poor woman loved Chad like he was her own son. She’s devastated.”
She’s probably fucking glad, I think.
“I’ll miss you,” I say, because this is my role and this is what I’m supposed to say.
“I’ll tell Jase to keep an eye on you,” he says.
“You don’t need to do that,” I say evenly. “I’m fine. I’ll be here, waiting for you.”
He cocks his head to the side, surveying me with cold calculation. Grief has left him exposed, blunt, even more fucked-up than before. I need to start being more careful when I speak back to him, because he is like a loose cannon ready to explode at any moment.
“Lay down,” he says, stalking over to his discarded funeral clothes. I watch him as he extracts his tie from the pile, the same tie he wore to his son’s funeral only hours ago. My smile vanishes as I realize what he is going to do.
He approaches me with the grace of a tiger stalking its prey, and suddenly, I am very afraid. I fear that his sudden realization about who I look like—Mariana, the beautiful bitch who fucked him over—has ignited some old feud within him, some desire for vengeance. And, although I don’t believe for one second that his vendetta against the dead woman is warranted, I can understand that burning, crippling desire to get an eye for an eye that must be coursing through his veins.
“You’re not laying down,” he says, punching me square in the face, making contact with my cheekbone. He doesn’t punch very hard, and thankfully his wedding ring is on his other finger, saving my skin from being cut. It hurts like a bitch though, and as I’m clutching my cheek, Dornan grabs my ankles, dragging me down so that I am laying flat on my back. He straddles me, and as I put my palms forward in a defensive gesture, he grabs them and wraps the tie around them tightly.
“What are you doing?” I ask as I fight against his stronghold, the worry in my voice tangible.
He ignores me, pulling the silk tight and threading it through the metal bedhead. With a sharp tug, I am effectively pinned in place.
The first thing I do is struggle, pulling on the binds that are now around my wrists, only making them tighter, cutting off my circulation.
I am so fucking stupid. I’ve trained for this! I know every self-defense maneuver Elliot taught me off by heart. And I just let him tie me up without even putting up a fight?
I am such an idiot..
I see a flash of metal, and the next thing I know, Dornan has a switchblade in his hand. Fuck.
I keep my mouth shut and my face passive, because if there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that words and expressions will sign my death warrant faster than my silence.
I watch him, panting slightly, as he approaches.
“You’re right,” he says, smartass. “I won’t tell Jase to keep an eye on you. I’ll just leave you here until I get back in a few days.”
I don’t respond. Anger burns inside me. How dare he tie me up like an animal. I decide, here and now, that this is exactly how I’ll restrain him when it’s his turn to die.
“You’ll learn, Sammi, that the best way to be is in agreeance with anything I say. You hear me?”
I nod, my arms pulled impossibly tightly above me.
“You’re mine now,” he says, slithering onto the bed. He grabs each of my ankles and rips them apart, six years of nightmares slamming into me like a freight train.
Play the part, I tell myself. Submit to him. Make him believe the lie.
“I’m yours now,” I echo, motionless, as he brings the switchblade up to the light.
What the fuck is he going to do with that?
The question must be written all over my face, because he smiles, dragging the cold metal up my inner thigh.
“You know,” he says, scraping the blade against my clit, making me shudder, “If you don’t want to do what you’re told, maybe I’ll just put this inside you instead.”
My eyes are watering. I’m terrified. The only thing I can think of is that he likes to fuck me so much, surely he won’t be fucking me with the sharp end of the knife.
He seems to read my mind. “There are other girls with tight pussies like yours,” he says, the tip of the knife barely grazing my sensitive nub, but enough to make me quiver in deathly anticipation.
“What do you want?” I ask breathlessly, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. “Do you want me to beg? I’ll beg. Please untie me. Please put the knife away.”
He smiles at me. “I don’t want you to beg. Begging means I might listen to you. And you’re mine. I decide what happens to you.”
He trails the knife away, back towards my inner thigh, and I relax minutely.
I watch as his head disappears between my legs, but I can’t see anything, and suddenly I am terrified. I feel his hot breath on my clit, and I moan, fighting against the silk that binds me, looking for a futile escape. He’s threatening me with the knife, but I don’t really believe he’s going to hurt me for something as minor as challenging him in a conversation.
I arch my back as his tongue makes contact with my clit, shallow circles at first that become faster and more concentrated. He doesn’t take his tongue anywhere else, just focuses on my clit, making me writhe beneath his mouth. A sob dies in my throat as he stops and raises himself enough to make eye contact with me.
“Feel good?” he asks, his eyes still full of pain and hate.
I nod. “Yes,” I whisper. Don’t cry. Do not cry.
He chuckles, resuming his licking and sucking between my legs. My hips begin to grind against his face involuntarily as I climb towards that shattering peak his tongue is promising me.
It feels so unbelievably good, and at the same time, as Dornan’s open palm rests against my thigh, the flat side of his blade pressed into my flesh, I know he hasn’t finished taunting me with promises of pain. I swallow down my shame, repulsed at myself that I could be aroused at all with this man, let alone when he’s got me tied up with a knife to my skin. It’s all kinds of wrong, and depraved, and I can’t help but wonder what living here with him is doing to my already messed-up head.
How can someone so cruel, so horrifyingly devoid of goodness, make me feel, physically anyway, so goddamn good? My brain might know that what I’m feeling is fear, but my body mistakes it for excitement.
I guess it’s all the same feeling of trembling and frantic heartbeats in the end.
My legs start to shake, even though I’m trying beyond hope to stop what is about to happen.
Don’t come, don’t come…
“Come for me, baby,” Dornan says, lapping at my sensitive clit as my core clenches and I cry out.
I am coming, and it feels divine. And then—pain. Red, crushing pain.
I scream as loud as I’ve ever screamed, my leg on fire, as Dornan stabs his switchblade hard into my thigh, sinking it to the hilt. He looks at me, clearly aroused, with that darkness still dancing in his eyes.
“Stop screaming,” he instructs. I can’t. The pain is overwhelming, breaking me into bloodied pieces.
I feel a weight shift as he leaves my line of vision, then returns with my balled-up panties.
I am still screaming when I try to clamp my mouth shut, but he is faster than me. Suddenly I am screaming but no noise is coming out, a wad of black lace stuffed into my mouth, effectively gagging me.