Katie stared at her. “I can’t believe it. Holy shit, Liz. What an asshole. My god!”
“Uh huh. So there I was. In total shock. I had no idea what the hell to do. Except at work, I hadn’t made a decision for myself in two years.” She drained her glass. “Anyway, stupid me, I just sat in that apartment frozen in shock, unable to move for hours. I didn’t sleep or eat or anything. I just couldn’t take it in.” She blew out a breath. “Anyway, by the time morning rolled around, I managed to kick start my brain and begin to wonder how I was going to get to work. I mean, we’d sold my car, you know?”
More wine. Lots more wine. How had I ever let myself get so trapped?
“I finally went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and found a check he’d left for me on the counter. For a substantial amount.” Anger tightened her voice. “Like he was paying some damn whore.”
Katie reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I hope you’re smart enough to realize not all Doms have those tendencies. Or have such warped personalities.”
Liz shrugged. “Oh, sure. I’ve been with a lot of good ones. Before and since. But I was in love with him, Katie. He knew it and used it against me. Cracked open my heart and drove a truck through it.”
“Oh, Liz.” Katie’s expression was full of compassion. “I’m so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through. I don’t know what to say.” She frowned. “I know at the clubs I worked for in Atlanta and here at Rawhide everyone is vetted very carefully to try and avoid something like that.”
“If I hadn’t gotten hungry finally, I’m not sure what I’d have done. I decided to see if there was anything within walking distance. When I stepped outside the apartment I spotted a coffee shop across the street. I found an empty booth, and lying on the seat was a newspaper someone had left there. It was open to the classifieds. Fate must have set this up because staring me in the face was the ad for a cutting horse trainer at the Lucky L. So here I am.”
Katie smiled. “Yes. Here you are. And speaking for myself, I’m very glad. But what does that have to do with Alex inviting you to dinner?” Her eyes widened. “Oh, god, Liz. You can’t be comparing him to this other guy.” She shook her head vigorously. “No, no, no. No way. I told you, I know Alex and he and Reece have been friends for years. Not to mention the fact that he has an excellent reputation as a Dom. And I hope you know Reece and I would never have left you with him at Rawhide if-”
Liz held up her hand. “Yes, I do know that. That’s not it at all.”
“Then what? I’m bewildered.”
“I promised myself after that I’d never fall for a guy again. I’d pick my Doms carefully, and if I felt things were skating too close to the edge, I’d call it off. I can’t go through that again.”
Katie stared at her. “You’re falling in love with him.”
Liz looked into her empty wine glass, considered refilling it yet again, then pushed it away. No sense getting sloppy drunk. She’d already told Katie far too much.
“Liz? Come on, it’s written all over your face.” Katie’s voice softened. “I want to help. But you have to be honest with yourself. And being honest admits how you feel about Alex Wright.”
Liz pushed back her chair and stood up, carrying her glass to the sink. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t let it go anyplace.” She turned to face Katie again. “I…enjoy being with him at Rawhide, but if he insists on making it more than that, I’ll have to stop the sessions with him. I can’t take the risk again.”
“Liz, listen to me.”
Liz shook her head. “I hear all the things you’re saying, but I can’t risk my heart again. My feelings for Alex are all over the place. If I can keep them confined to Rawhide, I can handle it.”
“But maybe this time the risk is worth it,” Katie said in a soft voice. “Everyone is different, you know.”
“And what if all he wants is a fling? I’m not saying he’d be as obsessed as…the other person was. But if I let myself fall for him, which seems to be what’s happening, when he’s ready to move on, I’m not sure I could handle it.”
“But what if he doesn’t want to move on? What if he has strong feelings, too? He and Reece have been friends for some time now, and I can promise you if his personality was twisted in any way, my husband would have dumped him and barred him from Rawhide. And I don’t think a man interested in just a fling would casually try to enlist the help of his friends.”
“Oh, Katie, I just don’t know if I can make myself take that chance.”
“I get that. But you’ll never know if you aren’t willing to test the waters with him.”
Liz sat in silence, thoughts whirling in her mind. “I have to think about this,” she said at last. “I just hope Alex doesn’t bug you.”
“Oh, listen, it was just a casual comment. I didn’t mean to make such a big deal out of it. I just thought two people who seemed to click the way you guys do might have a chance for something outside the club. That’s all.” Katie pushed back her chair and stood. “And that’s all I’m saying about that.” When Liz walked her to the door, she gave her an impulsive hug. “You know I’m here for you, right? Anytime?”
“I know, and I appreciate it.”
Katie studied her face. “Maybe it’s time to let go of the baggage and live a little again.”
Liz shrugged. “I need to think about my situation here at the Lucky L, too.”
“Phooey. You’re entitled to a personal life. If anyone gives you a hard time simply fire them and hire someone else. Reece can always help you find new ranch hands.”
For the first time that evening Liz laughed. “You make it all sound so simple.”
“It is, if you just give it a chance. And I’ll tell Alex to back off.”
“No,” Liz said quickly. “Don’t call attention to it. I’ll handle it myself.”
“Okay, but be sure you handle it in a way that’s good for you.” She smiled. “And that’s all I’m saying.”
Liz leaned against the door after closing it, her brain still spinning. She’d been doing so well convincing herself that Alex had forgotten about that first invitation she’d turned down. Telling herself that her anticipation of their sessions together was nothing more than a high state of erotic arousal. Pretending-yes, pretending-that she could compartmentalize the whole thing.
But deep down inside, where she kept her emotions locked away, she knew that Alex Wright had become more than just a playing partner to her. Despite her best efforts, her traitorous heart had taken a leap and landed her in a place she’d sworn never to be again. And she had no idea what she was going to do about it.
Chapter Seven
Liz stood at the counter of the tiny Soda Pops restaurant, the really great new burger place that had recently opened up, when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.
“Glad we frequent the same places.” Alex’s low voice vibrated through her. “Maybe I’ll get to buy you that meal after all.”
Liz turned, startled, then sucked in her breath when she realized she was practically pressed up against him. She took a quick step back, a logistical feat since the place was both small and jammed with lunch customers.
“Oh, um, hi!”
Brilliant conversationalist. Act like a teenager, why don’t you?
But the man’s electric presence sizzled all her nerve endings. Even outside Rawhide just seeing him made her body react with instant need, a need she’d been doing her best to ignore or neutralize since her conversation with Katie. Still, just the touch of his hand and her bones turned liquid.
Stop it, stop it, stop it. You set boundaries. Keep them in place.
“Hi, yourself.” He grinned. “Put your order in yet?”
“What? Order?” Her brain didn’t seem to be functioning.