‘B-b-but f-f-f-first, f-f-f-first-’ stuttered Ralph. He was so angry, or excited at whatever was in prospect, that he was scarcely capable of getting the words out.
‘Recover yourself, friend,’ said Adrian, patting him on the shoulder.
Ralph took several deep breaths. I almost felt for him as he struggled to calm himself.
‘Think on this, p-p-p-player. We are not going to put an end to you without first p-p-p-purging you of your naughty p-p-p-part.’
‘You make no sense.’
‘Your vicious t-t-t-tool.’
‘I don’t understand you.’
But I was afraid that I did.
‘You have shamed and beslubbered my sister with the seed of your instrument, with your silly weapon. Not c-c-c-content with that, you have monstrously abused my mother with the waste and outpouring from that same p-p-p-part.’
‘I never laid a finger on your mother, I say again. What happened was an accident. She chanced to be standing underneath the window when — when — it wasn’t even me. . And I never touched your sister with a will, either. Talk to her. She launched herself at me. She tricked me into entering her chamber-’
‘You tricked her and you entered more than her chamber, p-p-p-p-player. And for that you will pa-pa-pa-pay.’
‘Jesus.’
I was slick with sweat. The warm breath of the breeze penetrating the hut through its many crevices grew into a steady, somehow airless stream. Outside I heard the trees shaking their heads at the coming storm. Sweat ran from my forehead down my face, it gushed from under my arms. I began to shake. There was a flash outside the hut, followed seconds later by the thunder-crack. By the lightning, I glimpsed momentarily my three opponents, huddled about me. They looked human and not-human, like the wax effigies of the dead that you may see in Westminster Abbey.
‘As you untrussed and took down your hose for your pleasure with this good man’s good sister,’ said Adrian, ‘so we will now untruss you for ours.’ His voice was unsteady. He was excited, as Master Topclyffe in the Tower was said to grow excited when he had a priest on the rack.
‘Christ, no, wait.’
‘And after you have become our eunuch, after you have become a gelded player, the fingers will be removed from your right hand,’ said Adrian. ‘Then you will die.’
I groaned because I was incapable of speech. My head pounded. The murderous, mutilating trio before me appeared to grow smaller as if I was viewing them down a dark tunnel. For an instant I thought that I heard light, pattering footsteps outside the hut, and my mind leapt at the hope of rescue, but another instant was enough to identify the sound as the rain, falling slowly, falling in single fat blobs.
‘You trapped me with a trick,’ Adrian continued. ‘By sleight of hand you slipped a thread of somebody’s hair under my finger and claimed it was my Lady Alice’s. Because of you I was discharged from the Eliot household. Sir Thomas would never have discharged me but for you. Your hands are dangerous things and, like your cock, do harm to good and innocent people. Therefore, though the rest of your life be very short, your enjoyment of your organ of generation and of your fingers will be shorter still.’
The speech came off trippingly, as though he had learned it by heart, had stored it up in that dark chamber ready for the occasion of its delivery. But there was still that tremor in his voice. The thrill of seeing another hurt, tormented. Or was it? A further flash of lightning and thunder-clap, and I could have sworn that Adrian flinched. Like many, perhaps he was frightened of a storm. But I could not see how to turn it to my advantage.
He motioned to the sooty charcoal man, as if to say ‘Now your time is come.’
Through the haze that seemed to have filled the tiny cabin — a haze that may have proceeded from my own terror or from the smoky candles, or both — I saw Nub draw from somewhere among the dirty rags that hung off his person a long, rusty, curved knife. He loped towards me across the dirty floor and crouched at my feet. Obligingly, the lightning flashed once again and the thunder boomed out closer to. So, I thought, would this scene be staged: with noise and knife and quaking terror. Adrian and Ralph stood back. Evidently, like those citizens that crowd close to the scaffold to witness the agony of the dying, they were content to leave the dirty work to another but at the same time eager not to miss a moment’s pleasure. The charcoal-burner cut the cord that bound my feet together and with his blackened claws threw my legs apart as casually as if he was dealing with a beast in the shambles. My limbs were numb, I could not move them.
This dirty man looked at me, and the red-streaked whites of his eyes stood out clear in his face. He smiled his toothless smile. If he had earlier reminded me of an ape, he now appeared to me with his two protruding teeth in the likeness of a rat. And like a great rat he started to crawl up my body, gripping the knife with one hand and fumbling between my legs with the other, deliberately protracting his pleasure and my pain. He had no liking for the subtleties of untrussing and pulling down my hose, not Nub. He intended to slice through cloth and skin and sinew and all, without discrimination. I writhed, I twisted, I dwindled, as it were, into myself but to no avail. He was wiry and strong. I was lying on my back with my hands bound beneath me. His weight was on the lower part of my body from which feeling had, in any case, almost departed.
But extreme fear may give a sharpness to the mind, even to the senses. The haze over my vision cleared and I saw things clear, more clear than ever in my life. I saw the four of us as if from the outside, a frozen tableau, and here again a flash of lightning fixed us all in unmoving postures. In an instant I considered — and rejected — attempting to delay the charcoal-burner by pointing out that, if he did his worst there, where I lay on the pile of straw, the blood and mess would stain his sleeping-place. But that wouldn’t bother a torturer and executioner.
‘Wait,’ I said. My voice came out thick, as though my tongue had turned into a bolster.
‘No more words, player,’ said Adrian from where he stood on the far side of the hut. Was he putting a distance between himself and the blood that was about to be spilt? ‘We have heard enough of you.’
‘This concerns your friend — the one who is off-stage — the one in the shadows.’
I spoke as calmly and clearly as I could manage. Outside, the rain pattered steadily. My life depended on being understood. The charcoal man was still groping at my centre, questing after my fear-shrunken parts.
‘He does not exist,’ said Adrian, almost calling across the space of the tiny hut.
‘I have a message from him,’ I said.
I remembered the scrap of paper which I had retrieved from the apothecary’s shop just before the ambush in the dark. The paper with the writing which it had been too gloomy to decipher. It was still in my grasp, actually in my hand. Like a dying man clutching at a straw I had clenched my hand over it as I was assaulted in the shop, and it had remained in my closed fist ever since. At least I hoped it had. The careless cruelty with which my hands had been wound round with cord might actually have helped to keep a grip on the fragment of paper. There was no sensation in my limbs now, but I recalled how earlier, in the jolting back of the wagon, I had been half aware of holding something. In my clear-sighted desperation I suddenly realised what it might be.
‘A message?’ said Adrian.
‘He is t-t-t-time-wasting,’ stuttered Ralph. ‘Get on with it.’ This was directed at Nub, who seemed to be distracted by the conversation passing backwards and forwards over his black head. The curved, rusty knife stood erect in one hand while the other hand hovered above my groin. Possibly he waiting for the final word of command from Adrian. But Adrian was himself distracted by the noise from the black sky over the forest. He could not fully savour his revenge because he was somewhat fearful for himself. From the top of my great terror I looked down on his little fright. The other two had less imagination.