I WAS STANDING OUT IN FRONT of the PAWS animal shelter waiting for Camden and Keegan to show up. They were thinking about adopting a dog. Keegan had called and asked if I wanted to join them and maybe get lunch afterwards. I reluctantly agreed. My date with Turner was almost two weeks ago and I had kind of kept to myself since. I had a feeling she wanted to pry and find out what happened. Why couldn’t she just ask Turner? I’m sure he’d tell Camden if he asked. Keegan had called the day after, but I was still processing the fact that I had actually enjoyed myself.
Speaking of, they pulled up a couple minutes after I’d parked. Getting out of their car, Keegan looked like she was still glowing from her wedding day.
“Morning,” she said.
“Morning back.” I smiled at her.
Camden stepped beside me and nodded. Such a conversationalist.
“Alright, let’s do this.” She rubbed her hands together. “And, for the love of God, I am going into the cat room whether you like it or not.” She fixed him with a pointed stare.
He flung his hands in the air. “Fine, we’ll go into the cat room. But don’t get pissy with me when I walk out sneezing or my eyes are itchy.”
She leaned in and kissed him sweetly. “You’ll be fine. But thank you.”
“Welcome,” he grumbled.
As we walked in she whispered to me, “He says he’s super allergic to cats, but I have yet to see a reaction from him when we’ve been somewhere with a cat.”
“Sneaky. Clearly not a cat lover.” I giggled.
As we walked in, we were greeted by the workers who asked us to fill out some information forms. Apparently they don’t let just anyone in here. And who knows, maybe I’ll come back for a friend for Chaz. When we were done with that, we were led into a side room where barking dogs galore were behind closed doors and waiting anxiously for any human to stop and say hi. The first couple of dogs were older, and lazily sat in their rooms with disinterest. Another room held a beagle mix whose tail was nonstop wagging. She was very cute. Camden and Keegan put her down as a maybe. Little dogs and large ones were scattered throughout and still, they hadn’t come across one that seemed like “the one.” As they approached the final room and feeling discouraged, they came across a black lab with a white patch on his chest. He was a six month old baby, who had been born at the shelter. Letting the volunteers know, they pulled the pup from the room and let Camden and Keegan go into a separate room to get to know him.
While the playful little guy chewed and nipped at Camden’s hands, Keegan turned her attention toward me.
“You haven’t told me much about your date with Turner. Spill the beans. You going on another one? Was he a gentleman? And race car driving . . . that shocked the crap out of me. I had no clue you were even into racing.”
I held my hand up to her. “Okay, for starters, slow down. One question at a time. He was a gentleman.”
Camden snickered in the background. “Well, that’s kind of shocking. You all thought I was a brut, Turner is worse than I ever was.”
Keegan nudged him. “Hush. She’s talking. Anyway, you were saying?”
I glanced back and forth between them. Their relationship and sweetness made me envious.
“Yeah, so I’m not in to racecars. In fact, I had no idea he was even taking me to the track. Had I known I would have told him he could take his idea of a good date and shove it up his ass.”
Keegan’s eyes got wide. “Then what made you agree to do it if you didn’t want too?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. He pulled into the parking lot and he gave me a look that made me feel like I could . . . I don’t know, trust him? So I went with it.”
“Wow. I’m honestly kind of shocked.”
“Did you enjoy it?” Camden asked inquisitively.
The puppy was vigorously running around the room, tossing toys in the air and making them squeak.
I thought about how to best answer him. “Yes, I enjoyed it. At first, I was terrified. I’d never been inside a car that could go that fast. Turner ended up going around once, showing me that he had complete control of the vehicle. I know he wanted to push it to the limits, but I wasn’t having it.”
I closed my eyes and remembered how the wind whipped around me and everything breezed by so fast I couldn’t make out shapes. What I remembered most though, was the way Turner looked at me, letting me know he had me. I knew when his blue eyes met mine, he was going to keep me safe. He didn’t even have to say anything to me, I just knew.
Camden chuckled. “Turner always was the one to push the boundaries.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we were kids he was always the first one on the roller coasters, or jumping off the roof of the house onto something. I thought Mom and Dad were going to give him up for adoption or give him away on a street corner.”
I tilted my head to the side, more curious than before. “So he’s a bit of an adrenaline junky?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
A worker popped her head in. “How’s it going?”
“He’s amazing!” Keegan clamored.
“He’s a sweet boy. Would you guys like to see any other dogs?”
Keegan and Camden looked at each other. “There was a female we saw, but it seems like Cam really likes this little guy,” Keegan told her.
The worker beamed. “Well, if you’d like, I can start processing his paperwork while you speak to one of our adoption agents and they can give you all of his info if you are still interested.”
“That would be great, thanks,” Camden agreed. He was holding the puppy on a leash, and I could tell this was the little fella they were going to go home with today.
When the worker closed the door, Keegan turned back toward me. “Okay, so now what? Are you two going to go out on another date?”
“I agreed to a second date. I just don’t know where he’s taking me.”
“How exciting,” she shrilled.
“Calm down, Keegan. It’s just a damn date. Not like they are walking down the aisle,” Camden scolded.
She slapped his arm. “Shut up.”
I shook my head. “Definitely no weddings for me. This girl has vowed to live the life of singlehood.”
“Why?” Camden asked, completely contradicting what he just said to Keegan a moment ago.
I stared at him. “Because I’m not interested. You become so invested in someone, giving your full self over to another person, and then what? What happens when they die? What would you do? How do you go on? I’m sorry, but I’d rather not go there.”
Keegan looked sad. “Didn’t know you felt that way.”
“It’s called self-preservation. I don’t knock anyone who gets married and has a family and all that, but it’s just not for me. I decided this a long time ago.”
Technically, it wasn’t that long ago. Around the time of my parents death I made a vow to myself that that if I didn’t give my emotions to another, I’d spare them the grief and agony if something ever happened to me and vice versa. I didn’t care that most people didn’t get it. In fact, it’s why I rarely ever spoke about it. Everyone who has met me since my parent’s accident just thinks I’m some indifferent cold hearted bitch or a lesbian. When the reality is, I’m neither.
“Oh, can we change the subject for a minute?” I asked. Refusing to actually keep talking about my date and love life.
“Sure, what’s up?” Keegan replied.
We were being led out of the puppy play room and Camden was greeted by one of the adoption agents. They were currently going over the puppy’s records, while Keegan and I sat back and chatted.
“You sure did miss some action the other night.”
“Oh yeah? What happened?”
“We got a mother in that was a severe addict. Any drug you could think of, it was in her system. She was so awful—belligerent, yelling, and the worst part, she didn’t care about her son she’d just given birth too. I’m hoping in all the years I’m a nurse, that’s the worst that I see.”