‘I said nothing of the sort. That’s just the kind of cheap sensationalism I don’t want to be associated with. That word “menace” — there are many creatures in the animal kingdom far more dangerous than the worms, big or small. These are…’ He paused, flushed with annoyance. ‘They’re no more of a menace than ferrets.’
‘But you think there are two species?’
‘At present I’ve insufficient evidence to come to any conclusion.’
‘Why are we suddenly seeing them now? They’re not in any of the textbooks. Up to a year or so ago no one even knew of their existence. Have they only just evolved?’
‘Evolution doesn’t work that way.’ The Professor smiled condescendingly. ‘It takes millions of years. We know of over six thousand different species of reptile living today, and only in 1979 a colony of giant worms up to ten feet long was discovered in the Pacific and—’
‘Worms like ours?’ Aubrey interrupted him, excitedly.
‘Of course not.’ He looked mildly surprised. ‘Thought I’d made that clear. But very, very interesting all the same. You see—’
‘I’m sorry, could we stick to our sewer worms? It’s been suggested no one ever saw them before because they lived at the bottom of the North Sea or the Bristol Channel, and that, now they’ve been disturbed by the oil drilling, they’ve moved inland.’
‘Impossible. They couldn’t live so deep under water. They breathe air, same as we do — though what with the carbon monoxide and lead we pour out from our car exhausts, we’re much more dangerous to them than they are to us. If you television people really want to stir up a scandal, do a programme on how we pollute the air we breathe.’
Aubrey nodded. ‘But it doesn’t do to underplay this,’ he argued. ‘A man’s in hospital.’
‘One unlucky man. That hardly constitutes a national crisis.’
No worse than ferrets, mused Aubrey as he accompanied the Professor down in the lift. We can cut directly from that statement to shots of the worms devouring Matt Parker’s face. Guzzling like pigs at a trough. A good strong contrast to make the viewers sit up in their armchairs.
‘We’ll be using a minute or so of that interview in the News later today,’ he explained as they reached the ground floor. ‘But the full version will go into the documentary we’re preparing.’
‘One interesting thing about these sewer worms,’ the Professor said before they parted, ‘is reproduction. Frankly, we just don’t know. The blind worm is viviparous — gives birth to live young, doesn’t lay eggs as most reptiles do. But so far we’ve not managed to find a female sewer worm. They’ve all been males. If you collect any during your investigations, do give me a ring.’
‘Of course,’ Aubrey promised. This gave him a new angle. What do sewer worms do about sex? ‘Maybe we could come and film the dissection?’
‘That might be possible.’
He waited until his guest was through the revolving door before returning to the lifts. Mary Keating had sent a message to the Presentation Suite that she’d like a word, and this was as good a time as any to discuss the documentary with her. He’d need her agreement before he could really go ahead, and she could easily object. ‘No worse than ferrets,’ he repeated to himself as he strode around the curving corridor towards her office: that was the clinching argument.
‘Well, I warned you!’ she announced grimly the moment he opened the door. She was looking at him over the top of her reading glasses. An untidy mess of letters and telegrams was spread out before her over her large executive desk. ‘I’ve just had the Chairman of the Independent Broadcasting Authority on the phone.’
‘Complaints?’
He chose the most comfortable armchair and settled himself in it. From the look on her face it was going to be one of those long sessions. Her midget, balding teddy bear stared back at him from its usual place next to the intercom. Near it was an unopened package from Fortnum and Mason tied with ornate ribbon.
‘An unholy row, and coming right from the top,’ she was saying. ‘Protests from the Viewers’ Assocation, the Protection of Children Group, two bishops … oh, and look at these!’ She held them up.
‘Letters? Already?’
‘Delivered by hand. I shudder to think what the post will bring. Three Tory MPs and two Labour all say they’re tabling questions in the House of Commons.’ She glanced down at one of the letters. ‘No, I’m wrong. The Labour lady intends to demand an emergency debate.’
‘At least they’re taking the threat seriously.’
‘The threat? Oh, from the worms? No, it’s the propriety of showing it on TV they’re arguing about. Bringing violence into the home.’ She began to shuffle the papers together.
Aubrey watched her for a second. ‘At least one person sent you something nice.’ He indicated the Fortnum and Mason package. ‘Chocolates?’
‘I imagine so.’ She looked slightly surprised at his abrupt change of topic.
‘Your birthday?’
‘No, they just came addressed to me. When I produced Tiny Toddlers I used to get lots of little presents. Aubrey, we’ve a meeting with the union this afternoon at three. They’re demanding full compensation for Matt Parker.’
‘But the Company’s hardly responsible for—’
She cut him short. ‘And they want Andy Page’s head. For handling the camera.’
‘Oh my God!’ He took off his horn-rimmed glasses and began to polish them vigorously on his handkerchief. ‘Trouble. I was going to use him on—’
‘Don’t touch him!’ she snapped. ‘Leave him where he is, at least till we see which way things are pointing. Compensation for Parker could amount to thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, we just don’t know yet.’
‘He was insured.’
‘The insurance company will dispute it. They’ll want to know what he was doing there by himself when the rest of the crew had gone off. But whatever they say, we need to work out a strategy for this afternoon’s meeting. If necessary, we’ll have to let the union have their blood sacrifice.’
‘Andy Page? Well, he asked for it.’
She reached out for the Fortnum and Mason package and started to undo the ribbon. ‘I’ve invited Al Wilson, Jimmy Case, Veronica and Max—’ Her scream shocked through him.
‘Mary, what—?’ For a moment he sat paralyzed, then he jumped up from his armchair and dashed around to her side of the desk.
She screamed again. A long, sobbing, terrified scream.
Several small worms, about four or five inches in length, were spilling out of the Fortnum and Mason package which lay on its side on the pink blotter. They wriggled over the desk towards her. One of them was already attached, leech-like, to the heavy white flesh of her forearm. She stared at it, screaming, making no attempt to pull it off, but just screaming.
Aubrey caught hold of her high leather chair and tried to tug it clear of the desk. Before he could shift it a second worm launched itself at her from the blotter. If only she hadn’t been wearing that short-sleeved dress … The worm dropped on to the heaving bodice and started to squirm purposefully towards the low V-neck.
Again she screamed, shuddering with horror, but not defending herself at all.
Her secretary ran into the room, a thin wispy woman in her late thirties, prematurely grey. She stood there goggling at Mary, at the worms, and whispering, ‘No! Oh, no… no…’
‘Come and help, for Chrissake!’ Aubrey bawled at her, but she stayed rooted to the spot.
By now he’d managed to pull the chair back from the desk but gradually Mary slipped down from her seat till she was collapsing to her knees on the thick carpet, paralyzed with hysteria. He caught her under one arm, trying to hold her up, but she was too heavy for him.