She was kissing me hard, and I tried to pull my hand away, but she grabbed at my wrist.
“Let’s do it, Jake.” She licked her lips and her eyes shone bright. “Please.”
Then I realized that itwas sex. “Not now, Bren.” I kissed her hard. “Not here. This is such a shitty place.”
“Why does that matter?” Her voice was still eager, but also a little wobbly, like she knew that she probably wouldn’t change my mind.
“Because it’s your first time, and I want to make sure that it’s special.” What was there to argue about with that kind of reason?
“It will be. It will be special if it’s with you,” she said, her voice and kissing and touching all a lot more urgent suddenly.
“Brenna, I promise, if you want we can do it soon. But not now. It’s almost dinner time,” I said, finally grasping onto the one fact of real life that might snap her out of the quiet of this over-decorated room and this almost-sex thing we kept getting too close to.
“Dinner.” The insistent glow went out of her eyes. She looked like a rational, normal girl again, and I felt a breath of relief.
“Dinner. C’mon. Let’s go and find Mom before we get to the table.” Brenna’s mother was not usually the first person I wanted to see, but in this place, she was the next sanest after Brenna.
“Okay.” She kissed the tip of my nose and smiled. “I’m going to change.”
I shook my head. “You look great.” I pulled her hand, luring her back towards me. She fell next to me with a smile so big and sweet, it made my heart trip.
“Jake, I’ve been in this outfit since yesterday! Let me change.”
“Let me watch.” I could feel my voice stick somewhere low and deep in my throat.
She didn’t say anything. If I had to make a bet, I would bet that she was running through her head the image of a naked Caroline on the beach with me. She looked up and her eyes radiated pure challenge.
I should have stopped her then, but I couldn’t. She took her tank top off over her head, then slipped her skirt down. She was wearing blue, sky-blue underwear and a tiny little bra with lace. Weird that I had felt both pieces, but didn’t know their color until the minute she wanted to show me.
She walked to her suitcase and opened it up. I loved the way her shoulders curved. I loved the dip of her bellybutton. I loved the smooth rounding of her thighs. I tried to tell myself that this was exactly how much of her I would see if I saw her in a bathing suit.
But it wasn’t a bathing suit.
No one else would see this particular version of Brenna.
Just me.
And that made all the difference.
She bent and dug through her outfits and found a yellow dress with a little system of holes and embroidery. I knew the name: eyelet. She put it on, and I guess she assumed the show was over, but as far as I was concerned, it was still going strong. I watched her brush her hair and put it back in a ponytail. I liked being able to see all of her face. She turned to the side to check the dress, then turned around and looked over her shoulder at the back, straightening the straps. I loved the way her body moved. I loved the serious expression that scrunched her nose and lowered her eyebrows when she was trying to decide whether or not she really liked an outfit.
She went into the bathroom and ran the water to wash her face, and I was left lying on the bed, wondering what would happen tonight. Because she looked way beyond good. And the other guys here were hot for something new.
Caroline had been right about the fact that this place was incestuous, and the fact that Brenna was new meat made her vulnerable to them all. I couldn’t afford to let her out of my sight, not for a minute. I needed to keep her close.
When she came out of the bathroom, I pulled her back onto the bed, on top of me because I wanted to feel her, solid and real. This house, these people, had freaked me out since the day I walked into their big, over-crystalled dining room, and I had wanted Brenna with me to face them. Now I just wanted Brenna and not them.
She was kissing me lazily when I heard footsteps. We stopped, and her eyes flew wide open. She didn’t want me in here if it was her mother, but short of getting under the bed, I didn’t know what to do. The door popped open just as we finished straightening our hair and clothes in that way that always looked a hundred percent guilty.
“Hey. Dinner.” Caroline smiled smugly, like she knew she was crashing a party where every single person wanted her gone. Why that would make her feel so good was beyond me, but girls like her never made any sense to me anyway.
“Ready, Bren?” I put my hand out and took hers, noticing that her palm was slightly sweaty.
Caroline snickered. “Let’s hope so.”
“Mind your damn business,” I bit out.
Brenna touched my arm, her eyes wide with nervous anticipation. And I wanted again, badly, to leave.
I checked my tongue and we walked downstairs where the exact same set of faces from my first night smiled too wide at us. I knew names now, but the bottom line was there wasn’t one of them I cared about enough to actually bother introducing Brenna to. And there wasn’t one of them I felt deserved to meet her.
“Hello, Brenna!” Mama D called.
I saw Mrs. Blixen sitting next to Mama D, waving happily to Brenna and me. She was definitely into this whole scene, which shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did.
Of course Brenna’s mother would want her to spend her summer with some of the richest, most cultured people in country. Of course, she was seeing them as an adult and a guest. Not as a potential fortunate son. There was a big difference between our perspectives.
Brenna and I sat down next to each other, and I could see her glancing down the table at her mother uncertainly. Mrs. Blixen was chatting away, accepting another glass of wine, and having a fine old time. It looked a little like Brenna’s feelings were hurt.
I squeezed her hand under the table. “Don’t feel bad, Bren. They have that effect on people, you know? They make you feel like you’re with celebrities or something.”
She gave me a tiny smile and didn’t have to reply because the salad course was being set out. We ate through the next few plates without saying anything. This sucked. Brenna was the one person I could be myself with, open up with. I didn’t want this awkward, bumbling silence. They were ruining what we had together.
It was the quietest Brenna’d ever been in the whole time I’d known her. She was almost withdrawn. I wanted to put both my arms around her and not let go. I wanted to take her somewhere, just the two of us, and kick this whole fucking fiasco to the curb.
Mama D wasn’t going to let anything go that easily.
“Brenna!” she cried. “Your mother has told us that you studied at Trinity.” Her eyes were the same color and shape as mine, but I don’t think mine ever looked like they were actually boring into another human’s skull.
“Yes. Under Dr. Gorman,” Brenna said clearly.
“That pisser!” Mama D howled. “He failed poor Gerald two semesters in a row, didn’t he dear?”
My father looked up, his eyes extra red-rimmed. He held up his glass. “Here’s to the old bastard,” he said and took a long drink.
The table full of people laughed like crazy. I thought he was acting like an asshole, but apparently I was in the minority.
“How did you find him, Brenna?” Mama D asked, totally throwing down.
“He expects hard work. But I’ve never had a problem with that.” Her smile bloomed, innocently sweet.
I chuckled, and after a short pause, the rest of the table burst into laughter.
“You and Jake make a wonderful couple.” Mama D looked Brenna up and down and stamped her approval. I felt my blood go a little cold. Mrs. Blixen had been cool so far, but this was taking it to a whole new level. I knew that any minute she was going to jump up and disagree with Mama D in that polite way that made it all seem so civil. I could practically hear the words ringing in my ears; too young, plenty of time, see other people, keep things casual.