Everything moved along just as it should have, an entire week of getting used to Vander, of Vander getting used to us and his new surroundings. Even Paxton seemed happier, more playful, and somewhat less stressed. He didn’t even get upset the way I thought he would the next night when I decided to watch the video that Nick wanted me to watch alone. Two more, and I would never get another hint of my memory again. I guess I was grateful for having them. They weren’t the best memories to recollect, but they were all I had.
Paxton told me to go at nine when we were still trying to get the kids to settle down. He wasn’t really invited anyway, and I was sure from the sounds of the giggling, it would be a while. Why they loved wrestling him to the ground so much was beyond me. They had fun and filled the house full of laughter, so I guess that’s all that really mattered in the end.
I made myself a drink and walked up with Paxton’s laptop under my arm. Everything had pretty much been laid out there. What more could there be? I could handle it and we would get through it, just like the other times.
The air was cooler than I expected it to be, but I covered up and stayed outside. Once I was set up and ready, I hit the download link like Paxton always did.
“Hey, Nick. Thanks for hanging out with my cubs the other day. They love you. Where’s Mi? What’s wrong?”
“I feel like you’re moving in the right direction, like you’re going to be okay. We can stop now, Gabby. It’s okay to stop.”
“Is it bad?”
“Yes, it’s a game changer.”
“But I have a right to know.”
Nick nodded with a deep breath. “That’s why I’m here. I’ve been arguing with myself about this all day, trying to talk myself into getting rid of it before anyone else can see it.”
“It can’t be that bad, Nick.”
“It is, Gabby.”
“Well, I want to hear it.”
“Do you want me to stay on?”
“No, you can go.”
“Okay, I’m a phone call away.”
“I’m fine,” I said with an assuring tone. My words sounded more confident than I felt. I was strong on the outside, but felt like a bowl of Jell-O on the inside, waiting with anticipation.
“Gabby, can you hear me?”
“Yes, I can hear you Lane.”
“We’re going to pick up where we left off, and Nick is going to attempt to erase part of your memory today, but first I need to ask if you if you’ve ever been with anyone else, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Have you ever been with any other men, Gabby?”
“You mean sex? I kissed someone once. On the lips.”
“Before or after Paxton?”
“Oh, it was way after. Ophelia had just turned three.”
“You did? Who was it?”
“His name was Chip. Paxton hired him to teach me to cook because I didn’t cook a roast the way he liked it. He called them in front of me, signed me up for a cooking lesson, and made me go every Saturday for two whole months. Only the joke was on him. Chip was an amazing chef, but he was also a bartender. I had fun with him. A lot of fun. He taught me how to make so many drinks, I could run a row of shots without spilling a drop. He said I was a natural. It sort of made me wish I could get a job, be around people, and have friends.”
“You could have that, Gabby. There is a man out there that would love you like you deserve to be loved,” Lane said while clearing his throat.
“I want Paxton to love me like that.”
“Well, he doesn’t. Never mind. You said you watched Paxton with his wife that night. What happened after that?”
I laughed a short puffy giggle. “You know, Lane. You caught me, remember? You wanted to know what I was up to. I lied and said I didn’t know he had company, and I left.”
“And I followed you.”
“Yes, you gave me fifty dollars.”
“I swear I was just going to get a hand job and get out of there, Gabby. I didn’t plan that. Candace wasn’t there yet, I was lonely, and I, I’m sorry, Gabby.”
“It’s okay, Lane. At least it made Paxton want me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, the baby.”
“What baby?”
“My baby, Ophelia. You made her.”
“No I didn’t. That’s not my kid.”
“No, of course not. Paxton is her daddy. He loves her very much. She belongs to him, for sure.”
“Does he hurt her?”
“No way. He loves Rowan, too. Paxton is a great father.”
“But Rowan belongs to him. You don’t think Ophelia does, right? I mean she could be his.”
“I don’t think so. Rowan isn’t his either.”
“Of course she is. What do you mean?”
“She came to my house once. Tatiana. She was shocked that I had Ophelia. She asked me if she belonged to Paxton, and I got mad at her. I told her of course she was his, and she apologized. She said she was with him for eight months and they never used anything, and the first time she spent a weekend with the quarterback of some football team, she got pregnant. She just assumed she belonged to him. That’s when Paxton put the cameras in the house. He was mad at me for letting her in, for letting her near Rowan.”
“He put cameras in your house?”
“Yes, at all the entrances and my bedroom.”
“Why did he put one there?”
“So I knew he was always watching me.”
“You know you could have gotten pregnant by one of those guys from the gang. It could have been one of those.”
I laughed a sleepy laugh. “Except they were all black, and the timing was wrong. You paid to have sex with me three weeks later, and you didn’t pull it out. I remember.”
“Jesus Christ, Gabby. Are you serious right now? You think Ophelia is my daughter?”
“Yes, Paxton can’t have kids.”
“What do you mean? Sure he can.”
“No, I don’t think so. We’ve never used anything, and when we went to the doctor to try for a boy, he told me he couldn’t. He said his sperm count was almost nonexistent. He thinks it’s from the mumps when he was a little boy.”
“Fuck, Gabby. Does Paxton know this?”
“No, I lied to him. I told him the doctor found something wrong with my uterus, something from having Ophelia. He thinks it’s me.”
The ruffling noises were from Lane, standing and walking around the room. No doubt, going crazy.
“I was going to make Nick erase your memory of us ever having sex, not a fucking kid. Fuck.”
“Are you mad?”
“No, no, I’m not mad, Gabby. I’m, fuck. I don’t know what I am.”