“You told me to keep trying with Paxton. You told me that he liked me. You said that, Lane.”
“Yes, because I knew I wouldn’t touch you if you were his. Not because I thought you were having my kid. Jesus, God. I don’t know what to do now.”
I wasn’t sure if the audio stopped on the laptop or my ears. I wanted it to stop. I wanted a redo. I didn’t want to know this. This would devastate Paxton. I listened with my hand over my mouth, holding an empty drink, and wishing for another one. Paxton had three kids and not one of them was his. I swallowed and listened to the noise as Lane entered the room with Nick.
You have to make her forget that we ever had sex. Make her forget that I am Ophelia’s dad. Do it, Nick. You have to. If Candace ever found out she’d leave me in a heartbeat. They’re friends. It’s going to come out. You gotta do this, man.”
“You don’t want your child?”
“She’s four. She knows Paxton as her dad. Erase that shit, Nick. Do it.”
Someone took a deep breath and Nick’s voice made the suggestions. I didn’t get to hear what they were, but I did hear it when it was over.
“I’m going to wake you now, Gabby. I’m going to count backward from ten. Every time I say a number your mind will remember the suggestions I already gave you. You’ll recall them just like any other memory by the time I reach one, okay?”
“Yes, okay.”
Nick counted from ten, slowly, all the way to one. “Wake up. How do you feel?”
“Um, fine. How did I do? Is it gone?”
“How many kids do you have, Gabby?”
“Um, two. You already know that. Why?”
“What are their father’s names?”
“Names? Their dad is Paxton Pierce. What do you mean?”
“Nothing, Gabby, that’s great. Next week, I promise when you wake up, the rape will be out of your mind, and this will all be over with.”
The audio stopped with that right there. I waited for the black box to disappear and closed the laptop. “Good, God, gravy.”
“What? Tell me,” Paxton said from the door, sliding it closed behind him.
I looked up to him speechless for a brief second. I couldn’t tell him that. It would shatter him into tiny little pieces. He would take a boat out to the middle of the ocean and tie a block to his ankle.
“Tell me, Gabriella. What was it all about? What did you learn?”
I took a long breath of sea salt air and spit it out. “I kissed another man.”
Paxton sat beside me and frowned. “What? When?”
“Remember when you made me take that cooking class? The chef owned a bar. He taught me how to make drinks. I liked him. We laughed and had fun,” I said while explaining what I’d just learned. It wasn’t a lie, I did hear that. I just wasn’t about to tell him the rest. I would never tell him that. That secret would follow me to my grave.
“Well, I guess I deserve that. You didn’t mix drinks before your accident. That’s one of the things that convinced me that you were Izzy.”
“I am Izzy.”
“You know what I mean.”
I tried to speak to him like I hadn’t just gotten the most fucked up piece of puzzle there was. “You should probably spank me for kissing another guy.”
“I can definitely do that,” he agreed with a hand already moving below the covers.
I let everything go with Paxton that night. I had to, I couldn’t stand knowing that information, yet in my heart, I always knew there was something. I just didn’t know what. We fucked like wild animals in every thinkable position. We fucked, sucked, licked, clawed, and kissed while my brain held onto what I wanted it to let go of. I shouldn’t have listened. I should have let Nick delete it.
Paxton collapsed first, breathing heavy breaths to the back of my neck.
“You’re squishing me,” I mumbled from below.
He shifted his weight, but only a little. He was still half on top of me. “Jesus, babe.”
I twisted my body, pulling my arm from being under me, and kissed his lips. “I don’t want to see the last video, I don’t want to know what’s in the envelope, and I don’t care about my stone. I love you. Let’s stop.”
“We’re down to one video, and you want to stop?”
“Yes, I don’t care about that anymore. You’re right. Let’s just make better memories, and try to make Vander feel as loved as possible.”
Paxton rolled to his stomach and closed his eyes. “You know you’re not going to do that.”
I touched the welts going down his back from my nails and he hissed. “Yes I am.”
“Liar. It’s one more, Gabriella. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering?”
A deep breath escaped my lungs and I knew without a doubt. He was right.
“Pax?”
“Hmm?”
“Where would my stone be? The one the Indian gave my mom and me and Izzy?”
Paxton took a deep breath and rolled over. “You never told me it was something sacred. I didn’t even know you had a sister.”
“Where is it?”
“I threw it out into the ocean.”
“Why?”
“Being a dick, because I could. I asked you what it was, and you told me some scientific name for it. You might have even said hematite. I don’t remember.”
“You threw it in the ocean? I’m sure it meant a lot to me.”
“I’m sure it did, too. You walked the beach every morning, hoping it washed up. You never told me that’s what you were doing, but now it makes sense. I’m sorry.”
I smiled and let it go with a deep breath. “Good thing Mi gave me a new one.”
“Agreed. I love you.”
“I love you too, Paxton. We’re the perfect storm of two kinds of crazy.”
Paxton smiled again with closed eyes, no doubt agreeing with that, too.”
The perfect storm of two kinds of crazy. That was us.
Seventeen
The next day was hard as hell. I felt like I’d been hit by a freaking truck. I just didn’t see how that could be true. Ophelia was a spitting image of him, always needing the control. I just couldn’t fathom it. No matter which way I put it, it wouldn’t sink in.
That’s what my mind was on when Paxton got home from work. I didn’t even hear him come in, not even his truck. I always heard his truck pull in. Rowan was on the steps in the pool, Vander and Phi were digging holes below a pine tree for their dinosaurs, and I was sitting on the end of a chaise lounge. My mind was somewhere in la-la-land, not even paying attention to what went on around me.
“Hey, guys,” Paxton called from right behind me.
“Jesus, Pax. You scared the hell out of me.”
All three kids ran to him like he’d been deployed for twelve months. Paxton paid the same amount of attention to all three of them. He checked out Ophelia’s shark tattoo she’d gotten at the drugstore, he listened to Rowan’s story about the lady screaming in the grocery store because a lizard ran up her arm, and Ophelia laughing at her.
She laughed again when the memory hit her, and then tattled on her cousin. “Mini-Van laughed, too.”
Van shoved her a little with his hip, shooting her a glare. I loved it so much; I just wished Izzy was there to share it. At least I would have had someone to talk to, and I would have. I would have told her everything.
“Hey, Uncle Pax. Did my boxes come with my stuff?”
Paxton sat at the top of my chair behind me and put his hand around my waist. “Not yet, buddy, but I got an email today. Tomorrow for sure.”
“Oh, my, God, Vander Clyde.”
“What’s the matter, Aunt Gabby?”
“Your mom left your birthday present here. It’s down in the cottage. Come on, let’s go see.”