I thumbed through a yearbook from John’s Town High, listening to my new favorite guy. My sister was quite a basketball star. Varsity point guard four straight years in a row.
“What’s this one about, Van?” Phi asked, finger on a globe with the twin towers.
“How about we save that one for another night? It’s bed time. Let’s go brush.”
“That was when my mommy played basketball. My daddy did, too. I’m going to play basketball, too,” Vander assured us when I flipped open a photo album of Izzy growing up in Michigan. She pretty much started playing basketball right away. I was sure the first couple pages we were still eleven. She looked happy, like she had a good life. She was busy with extracurricular activities, and there was a whole album full of rewards and recognitions. Izzy was smart.
Rowan and Ophelia were fascinated by the resemblance. They knew about her by now, but I don’t think it really sunk in until that moment. The baby book from Vander up until he was about three was filled with a happy family. A man, a beautiful young girl who looked just like me, and a little boy who looked a lot like my Ophelia stood in front of a flatbed truck. Izzy did the modeling, using her hands to showcase a logo on the side of the truck. Jonnie and Clyde Lawn Care in purple letters.
“That’s my daddy,” Vander said with a pointed finger right to the very tall black man. I didn’t know what Vander had been told, but I was sure this man wasn’t Vander’s daddy. With every page that I turned, I changed my mind. This guy may not have been Vander’s real dad, but he was definitely his daddy, and my sister loved him.
“Where is your daddy, baby?”
“He got hurt with a tractor and my mommy couldn’t get the bucket off his neck,” he explained with both hands around his throat.
Ophelia placed her hand on his back and apologized. “I’m sorry, Van. I can share my dad with you. It doesn’t matter what daddy loves you, right Mom?”
I smiled at her, feeling proud, like my five-year-old daughter had just given me the permission I needed to let it go. Those videos didn’t mean anything to me. This did. This family did.
I liked learning my past through Vander, and hearing all the stories his momma told him about our adventures. I was pretty sure only about half of them were true. Like the one where Izzy and I rode over Los Angeles in a hot air balloon when I put him to bed. I guess it could be true. Vander seemed to think so. He had a snow globe to prove it.
I kissed his little head and told him that I loved him, and then I told him that his mommy loved him. Vander hugged me tight, handed me his little stone, and rolled to his side. I smiled and placed his little pebble on his stand, feeling like we were going to be okay, like we might actually make it out alive.
~~
“I can’t do this, Lane. I changed my mind.”
“No you don’t, Gabby. No you don’t. You’re doing this. It’s set. You’re going to park that car like you do every Tuesday. You’re going to get out and get into the silver SUV waiting on you there.”
“I can’t, there’s a tropical storm heading our way.”
“You’ll be long gone before it hits. You’re getting on that plane.”
“What the fuck, Paxton? Are you serious right now?”
“What’s he talking about, Gabby. What SUV?”
“Turn it off. What are you doing? You can’t do that. Where’s Nick?”
“I told him you were coming. Sit down.”
I slammed the laptop shut to get his attention.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Paxton? You’re doing this?”
The look in Paxton’s eyes reminded me of something I didn’t remember. Something dark, that I didn’t like.
He was on his feet faster than I could step away, and I was planted against the cold glass, his hand tightly around my throat. “What the fuck did you do?”
“Let go of me.”
“Were you going to leave me, Gabriella? Were you planning on taking my kids? Answer me, goddamnit,” he screamed, a fraction from my face.
“I don’t know, I have amnesia,” I smartly said.
Paxton shoved my face and let me go, but I didn’t let him go. I followed a few steps behind while he glided down the stairs twice as fast as me.
“Paxton, stop. Why are you doing this? We were fine.”
That turned him in his tracks and I backed down. “We weren’t fine, Gabriella. We’re the fucking lie in this whole fucked up circle. You and me, bitch. We’ve been living on lies since the day we ran into each other on that beach. Let’s get them out. Let’s lay it all out.”
I continued to follow him, knowing damn well where he was headed. Paxton opened his office door, and then unlocked the vault behind a picture of Rowan and Phi, dressed in matching clown costumes while they held pumpkin buckets.
I closed the door behind me to keep from waking up the kids. Paxton was pissed. He didn’t even give me a chance. He just ripped it open, dumping it all to his desk. Passports, fake identifications, birth certificates, new social security cards, and a flip phone.
“Fucking passports? You were going to take my fucking kids from me?”
I didn’t answer, but I did jump. Right after he smashed the phone against the wall
“This isn’t fair, Paxton. You know I don’t remember that.”
“So if you hadn’t went to the store for milk, I wouldn’t have them right now? What gives you the fucking right?”
“Shh, you’re going to scare the kids.”
“What else is there, Gabriella? What else are you hiding? My guess is it has something to do with your one on one video. Did you tell me everything? Did you, Gabriella?”
I gave it right back, but not quite as vicious as Paxton. “Did you, Pax? You had a one on one, too. Did you tell me everything?”
“Get the fuck out of my face, Izabella. Take your fake ass and get the fuck away from me before I hurt you.”
I tried talking to him in a quiet tone, rationalize with him, but it was hopeless. “Pax.”
“Go.”
I left because that’s all I could do. Paxton wasn’t about to listen to me. He already slipped on his blinders, and I knew it was pointless until they were off. I went upstairs with my sister’s things, wishing to God I had her to talk to.
Mi called my phone five times before I made it back to my room. I closed the door and called her back.
“Jesus, you scared me. What happened? Nick said you closed the video out. He can’t get it back now, none of them. They’re out in cyberspace.”
“I don’t care, Mi. I don’t want it.”
“What happened, honey?”
I planned on sitting there and telling her everything, letting her be my Clyde, but something familiar caught my eye, but I didn’t know why it was familiar. “We just had a fight. Can we talk tomorrow?”
“Sure, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Thanks, Mi.”
“Anytime, babe.”
I picked up a pink notebook with a big red daisy planted right in the center and opened the cover. Poem after poem filled the pages, and I knew they belonged to my mother. I reached for my tablet and flipped it on, going right to the folder where I knew they were in. They weren’t verbatim, but some of them were close, and I knew my mother had written these poems, I was merely trying to hold on to them. Keep them close to my heart. Every time something fell into place, something else fell apart.
Eighteen
Paxton refused to have anything to do with me for nearly a week. I was so over it. He worked late, he ate in his office, and he slept on the sofa. I swear he didn’t say two words to me, and when he finally did, it was because he had to. He was able to pull some strings, and get Vander into St. Augustine. That was it. He treated me like I didn’t exist otherwise. He was cheerful around the kids, talking and playing with them like they were best friends. Even Van, but not me. He didn’t treat me anyway. He wouldn’t even look at me, except for the things he had to say, which were usually right in front of the kids. Fake as fake could be.