I did what Mi told me to do and let him stew on it. I didn’t stroke his ego, not even a little. I took her advice and pretended like I didn’t have a care in the world, went about my business like a busy mom of three. I lived my life without Paxton, waiting for him to play the next card, while I studied what I held in my own hand. I held the royal flush, but unfortunately, I was afraid to use it. I didn’t want to use it, but I would.
It was hard for me to stay grounded with everything I had going on, but I had to. I had three very young children to influence; one of them extremely vulnerable. Thank God for Mi. If it hadn’t been for her keeping me sane, and telling me what to do, I would have cracked a long time ago. I focused on my three Clydes and my sister, searching every possible place there was to search.
We exchanged words finally on the sixth day of silence. Paxton got up and walked out of our bedtime ritual, leaving his captain stone behind. He said it was because of a call he forgot to make. That’s what he told the kids. I knew better. He suddenly had to go when Ophelia pulled our hands together unconsciously, playing with both our fingers while Rowan read to us. Our eyes met and our fingers grazed each other’s briefly. That’s when he had to leave. He kissed the girls and ruffled Vander’s hair.
I had just walked out of the girl’s bathroom with an armful of towels when he called for me to come into his office.
I stood at the door, holding the laundry with raised eyebrows. “What?”
“You got an email from this place you ordered Vander’s uniforms. Two of these shirts are out of stock. What do you want me to do?”
I frowned at him wondering if that was just a tactic to get me in there, or a control thing, letting me know that he was still the one holding the reigns. Maybe he wanted me to come around to his desk and pick out new ones. Hell, I had no clue. “I’ll look tomorrow. Is that it?”
Paxton blinked his eyes a couple times before replying. “Yeah.” That’s all he said. He turned his attention back to his work. Whatever. Dick.
“Oh, what are you doing Saturday? Are you going to be around to stay with the kids for a while? I have plans with Mi.”
“What do you mean you have plans with Mi? You don’t make plans with Mi without talking to me first.”
I blew out a puff of air with my sarcastic words. “That hand is dead, Paxton. Play another card.”
“It’s always a fucking game with you. I don’t have a fucking card, Gabriella, because this is not a fucking game.”
“Okay, then I quit, Paxton. I don’t want to do this with you anymore. We need to start thinking about what we’re going to do. I mean, I guess technically, we don’t have to get a divorce. You’re legally married to my sister, not me. I’m sure I signed a million documents when I married you, stating I wouldn’t get anything if we divorced anyway.”
“Go the fuck away. I’m not even doing this with you. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I ever spend one night without my girls.”
I nodded with a deep breath, giving him a nonchalant answer, no feeling behind it whatsoever. “Suit yourself, Pax,” I countered while I repositioned the load of towels in my arms in order to use my hands. Just like a dealer in a casino, I flipped my imaginary card to his desk. His eyes even looked down to the invisible card. “Royal Flush. You lose. I’m going to take Izzy’s photo around to some shelters with Mi Saturday. We’re leaving around nine. Goodnight, Paxton.”
I walked out without another word, not even from him.
I never kept Vander in the dark. He knew I planned on spending Saturday looking for his mommy, because I told him the very next morning.
I was in the kitchen packing Paxton’s lunch for the next morning when Vander sleepily came into the kitchen. Yes, I still did that. I just made sure I did it at night, before bed, not wanting to see him in the mornings. I set the coffee pot to go off on its own, and I kept a bowl of pastries and muffins on the island. Just because I hated him, didn’t mean I wanted him to work in the hot sun all day without nourishment.
“Aunt, Gabby,” Vander quietly said in a sad tone.
I turned to his sad expression, holding something ratty and pink underneath his arm. The bread that I had been spreading mayonnaise on dropped to the counter and I went to him.
“Come here, baby.” I said as I sat and pulled him into my lap.
His legs dangled to one side of my lap while his head rested on my chest. I rubbed his back and kissed his head. “Do you miss my mommy?”
I didn’t see a reason to remind him that I didn’t really remember her. “I miss her so much, Vander. I’m going to go look for her with Mi on Saturday.
“Can I come?”
“No way, dude. You gotta help me. We’re going to start on that waterslide Saturday. I need to know where you want this secret tunnel.”
Vander pepped right up with the sound of Paxton’s voice. Our eyes met when he picked up the bread, drying on the counter, slapped a slice of cheese on it, and stuck it in his mouth.
“We are?”
“Yup, wait until you see the slide, it’s going to have a wave right at the end. That way when you reach the bottom, it’ll catapult you high into the air before you hit the water.”
My eyes left Paxton’s when I felt the pink material in my hand, wondering what it was, sure that it was something that belonged to his mother. Something special that he had for a very long time.
“What is this, sweetie?” I asked.
Vander tucked it between our bodies when he realized he had it. “That’s mine.”
I rubbed his back again, trying to assure him that it was okay. “I won’t tell anybody,” I whispered.
He moved his hands back to his lap and unfolded it over his lap. A pink tattered shirt with a mustard stain around the collar. “When my mommy traded places with you, you had to trade shirts. She said this is your favorite shirt and she had to give it back. She covered me up with it when I was born so you could be a part of my birthday, too. But now it’s mine. I don’t want to give it back.”
“Have you always slept with this?”
“Yes, but you can’t tell Ophelia, she’s mean.”
Paxton and I exchanged a quick smile with the mention of our ‘mean daughter’.
“You can have it if you want to. My mommy said we had to keep it so we can give it to you.”
A realization hit me as I eased his trepidation about me taking his security blanket. “How about you hang on to it for me, can you do that?”
I felt his head nod, but he didn’t reply with words.
“Vander, did you know your mommy was coming here?”
“Huh-uh, she said she found you and we was going to come here and she wasn’t going to be sick anymore. She was going to work for you, Uncle Pax.”
I don’t know how Paxton got there so fast, but he was there before the first tear could fall. I stood with Vander in my arms and handed him off. Paxton walked him to the wall of glass and pointed out to the pool. “I was thinking of building a bridge from the playset to the waterslide. What do you think?”
“A swinging bridge.”
“Hmm, I like the way you think.”
I rounded the corner just in time before the audible whimper escaped, sinking to the floor as my legs gave out and the tears won.
Stupid, stupid Izzy. If only she would have walked to the door and knocked. She could be here with me now, with Vander.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Ophelia’s tiny voice questioned. Jesus. Why the hell were all my kids still awake?
I didn’t hold back the tears with Phi. I grabbed her into a bear hug and held onto her tight, using her for needed security.
“Do you miss your sister?”
I smiled and pushed her hair away and held her face. “I miss her so much, baby.”
“I would miss Rowan, too,” she softly said, placing her hand on my cheek.
I kissed her wrist and pulled her close again.