Jack had been sure that Fred Hall, the biggest bully in the group, intended to initiate young Sam that first evening. After lights out, it was pretty much a free-for-all as long as it was quiet. The monitor slept pretty soundly and didn’t really care what went on. Fred had tried that shit with him, but Jack was bigger than Fred and had easily handed him his ass. Jack had been vulnerable as a child, but once he’d gotten big enough to scare off people, he hadn’t been vulnerable again.
He wasn’t sure what made him get out of bed that night. It would have been easier to ignore it and continue the way he always had. Even at fifteen he’d been sure of himself. He knew he didn’t give a shit about anyone. It didn’t pay to care because people always let him down. The only foster parents who’d been kind to him had either died, like the elderly lady who’d called him son and made him dinner each night, or had sadly explained they couldn’t keep him anymore. There were more people, of course, but they had other reasons beyond simple kindness for letting him into their home. He could almost forgive the ones who had beaten the crap out of him. Jack knew he was a difficult kid. He’d certainly heard it enough. He couldn’t forgive the two who had gone further than that. So his fifteen-year-old self had decided to just never care about anyone. That way he never had to be disappointed, and he never had to share his shame.
He had lain in bed, knowing damn well that the new kid was going to get the crap kicked out of him. It happened all the time. The kid should get used to it. It wasn’t Jack’s place in the world to protect anyone. He didn’t let anyone in, and then no one could hurt him. That had been his mantra. It hadn’t held up.
As he heard Fred walking past him, Jack had gotten out of bed and followed him. When he’d attempted to assault Sam, Jack had stopped it. He’d beaten the shit out of Fred, and the next morning everyone deferred to him. Jack found he liked being in charge. It gave him a sense of control, and he desperately needed it.
That morning, while Jack ate his breakfast in customary silence, Sam sat down in front of him.
“What should we do today?” Sam asked.
No one had ever asked him that. He and Sam rarely spent time apart since. At first, Sam Fleetwood had clung to him like a life raft, and he couldn’t shake the kid. Later, Jack acknowledged, he didn’t want to get rid of Sam. Sam was the one who convinced him to give sex another try. The woman who lived across from the group home had paid the boys to mow her lawn, and when she invited both Jack and Sam to her bed, Sam had convinced Jack they should take her up on it. It was the first hint Jack had that, maybe, he wasn’t as damaged as he thought he was. He still had fond memories of Ms. Jackson. She was kind to them both, patiently teaching them what pleased a woman. Twelve years later, after Jack had started the ranch, he had anonymously paid off the mortgage on her small house. He was a man who believed in paying his debts.
Jack forced himself to take care of his horse. He slowed down and told himself to be patient. He knew Abby and Sam were home. The Benz was in the drive. He would join them for dinner, and Abigail would talk about her day. He loved listening to her talk. She was bright and funny and could make the simplest events seem interesting. He wondered if she knew just how under her spell he was.
“Jack!”
Jack put down the brush he was using and walked to the front of the barn. Sam was running across the yard from the big house, a panicked expression on his face.
Something has happened to Abby, Jack thought with a sudden overwhelming fear.
The anxiety was crushing. He felt it in his chest.
“What happened to Abby?” He had no idea what he would do if she was gone. Had someone hurt her?
“She’s leaving.” Sam was breathless. “I don’t know what happened. We were fine, and then she was quiet for a long time, and when we got back to the house, she said she was leaving.”
“She’s leaving?” The words felt foreign to him. “She’s not hurt. She’s just leaving?”
Sam nodded, and there was a dullness in his eyes. He looked guilty. “She says she doesn’t want to live like this. She says she’d be ashamed to tell her daughter she was with us.”
It was in that moment that Jack realized once and forever that the damage done to him as a child hadn’t broken him. What happened had been awful, but now Jack knew it hadn’t robbed him of his soul, or his reaction to Abigail leaving would have been different. Deep in his heart, he wondered if love wasn’t really a selfish thing. His love for Sam had always seemed like something he depended on. He thought that if Sam left him he could cut him out of his heart and go on. Even while falling for Abigail he had told himself the same thing. If she left, he would shrug and move on. He might hurt for a while, but he’d just build his wall again, stronger than ever before. Jack knew he should be marching up to the house and showing her the door. If she wanted to go, he’d kick her ass out. She’d never really loved them in the first place.
That should have been his reaction. His heart should be hardening, but it just softened further when he realized his love was far from a selfish thing, and if Abby walked out, he’d miss her for the rest of his life.
Something had happened. Abigail loved him. She loved them both. He was as sure of it as he was his next breath. He knew her deep to her soul, and he knew she wouldn’t leave without a reason. She wasn’t ashamed. She was afraid.
Jack placed his hand securely behind Sam’s neck and gave it a comforting squeeze. “She’s not going anywhere, Sam.”
Abby had to make her hands stop shaking. Sam hadn’t been an idiot. He’d taken the damn keys with him, and she had no choice but to sit here and wait for Jack. If she thought telling Sam lies was hard, she couldn’t imagine having to do it to Jack.
She had to, she thought, steeling herself.
She wouldn’t be the one who brought them down. She loved them too much to cause them the kind of trouble Ruby Echols intended. It seemed that loving Adam when she was just a kid was going to cost her everything again, and this time Abby wasn’t sure she could put the pieces together again. She would be able to move through her days, but there wouldn’t be any joy to them. She would spend every minute thinking of two cowboys and how happy she would have been.
The back door opened, and Abby felt her entire body tense. This would be an awful scene. Jack was going to be furious. He would say horrible things, and she would say horrible things right back. She had to. She had to break this relationship in a way that rendered it irretrievable.
Jack would still have Sam. She would be the one who was alone.
“Abigail.” Jack’s deep voice was calm, soothing almost. It would haunt her forever.
Abby took a long breath and turned to face him, her face schooled carefully into a polite mask. “Jack, I’m sorry Sam felt the need to bother you. Look, here’s the deal. It’s been fun, but I have an offer to work in Austin. It’s exactly what I want.” Let him think work was more important than them. Abby waited for Jack’s eyes to narrow. He would order her to stay, and she would tell him she couldn’t stand his arrogant, overbearing ways another minute.
“Is this job that important to you?” Jack stared at her.
“Yes.” She was pleased with the firmness of her voice. Inside, she was shaking. Sam stood beside Jack looking so heartbroken she wanted nothing more than to walk to him and wrap her arms around him. Jack looked…curious.
“All right then,” Jack agreed.
Abby forced herself to nod. Deep inside, she wanted to wail. She hadn’t expected that he would let her go without a fight. He was letting her walk out without so much as a goodbye, and she should be thrilled. She could leave without a scene. So why did she suddenly want to slap him? Had it meant that little to him? She couldn’t believe it.