However, we did manage to meet, though it was not the same as it had been in those idyllic weeks.
It was always a joy to see his face light up when I arrived. He would get up and run towards me, taking my hands and looking into my face. And I felt a great exhilaration.
We talked endlessly during those mornings, but I always had to watch the time, which I was sure passed more quickly than it had before.
I believe Zillah was aware that I harboured some secret. I called her Zillah now. She had been Miss Grey in my thoughts, but I could not call her that now. In any case, she was no longer Miss Grey.
“You must call me Zillah,” she said. “I refuse to be called Stepmama.” She appealed to my father. “That would be quite ridiculous, wouldn’t it, darling?”
“Quite ridiculous,” he agreed.
And so she had become Zillah.
She was given to those coy moods, especially when my father was present; but I was always aware of the sharpness beneath them. She was as shrewd and watchful as she had been on the day of her arrival.
I knew there was something not quite natural about her; she had been an actress—well, a kind of actress, if one could call the Jolly Red Heads that. In any case, she would know how to play a part. It seemed to me that she was playing a part now.
She fussed over my father, giving the impression that she was worried about his health.
“Now you must not overtire yourself, dearest. That journey was quite exhausting.”
He shrugged off her cosseting, but he liked it. She continued to play the ingenue when I was certain that a very mature woman lurked beneath.
One day Jamie and I arranged to meet on our seat in the gardens. When he saw me he came hurrying towards me as usual, his face alight with pleasure.
He took my hands. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come … that something might prevent it.”
“Of course I’d come.”
“Well, I’m never sure nowadays. I wish … it weren’t like this. I can tell you’re uneasy. They were wonderful days we had.”
“Yes,” I sighed and we sat down.
He said seriously: “I think we have to do something, Davina.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Your people don’t know you are meeting me.”
“Good heavens, no. My father would think it was quite improper to pick up an acquaintance in the street.”
“Well, what are we going to do about it? I want to call at your house. I don’t like this hole-and-corner business.”
“I don’t like it either. I agree with you. They could discover sooner or later. So far we have kept our meetings secret … but one of the servants might see us … and there would be talk. They would all be wondering who you are and why you don’t call at the house.”
“Davina, do you think it is possible to fall in love in a short time?”
“I think I do,” I answered.
He turned to me and took my hands. We laughed together happily.
“I’d have to pass exams and get out of the University before we could marry,” he said.
“Of course.”
“So would you … will you?”
“I think it would be wonderful,” I said. “But do you know me well enough?”
“I know all I want to know about you. Haven’t we talked and talked … as much in these few weeks as people do in years?”
“Yes, we have.”
“And isn’t that enough?”
“It’s enough for me. I was wondering about you.”
He kissed me then. I withdrew, embarrassed. It was not the kind of behaviour expected on a seat in public gardens in mid-morning.
“People will be shocked!” I said.
“Who cares?”
“Not us,” I said recklessly.
“Then we’re engaged?”
A voice broke in on us. “Davina!”
Zillah was coming towards us. She stood there, her green eyes glowing, her reddish hair bright under a black hat. She looked very elegant in her black coat with the green scarf at her neck.
She was smiling at Jamie. “Please introduce us.”
“This is James North and … er … this is my stepmother.”
She put her face close to his and whispered: “But we don’t usually mention that. I am conceited enough to think I don’t look the part.”
“No … no,” stammered Jamie. “Of course you don’t.”
“May I sit down?”
“Please do,” said Jamie.
She was between us. “You two seem to be good friends.”
“We met while you were away,” I said. “I wandered into the old town and got lost in the wynds. Mr. North rescued me and showed me the way to go home.”
“How interesting! And you became friends.”
“We were both enormously interested in the city,” said Jamie.
“I’m not surprised. It’s fascinating … historically and otherwise.”
I was surprised. She cared nothing about the city. “Mary Mary, Hanover Squarey.” I could hear her singing.
“Well,” she went on. “So you are good friends … apparently. That’s very nice.” She smiled beguilingly at Jamie. “I daresay my stepdaughter has told you all about me.”
“All?” I said.
“Well, I daresay she has mentioned that I have lately come into the family.”
“She did mention it,” said Jamie. “I know you have recently come from your honeymoon in Venice and Paris.”
“Venice! What an enchanting place. Those fascinating canals. The Rialto. Full of wonderful treasures. Paris, too …the Louvre and all that history … Davina, why do you not invite Mr. North to come to the house?”
“Well, I didn’t think … I didn’t know …”
“Oh, you foolish girl! I’m very cross, Mr. North, that I have not met you earlier. Davina has been keeping you to herself. You must meet my husband. He will be delighted to meet you. What about tomorrow evening? Come to dinner. Are you free? Oh … good. It won’t be a big party. Just the four of us. Do say you’ll come.”
Jamie said: “I should like that very much.”
“Wonderful!”
She sat back on the seat and I saw she intended to stay until I left. She talked a great deal with animation and much laughter. Jamie joined in. I was longing to ask him what he thought of her.
Moreover I was a little dismayed to have been so discovered, and also faintly annoyed. She had broken into a moment when we desperately wanted to talk about ourselves.
IT WAS AN UNEASY MEAL. Jamie was clearly a little overwhelmed by the formality. I imagined meals were very different in the manse. My father’s dignified appearance and cool manner did not help.
He was polite. He thanked Jamie for rescuing me when I was lost and asked a great many questions about his studies and his home.
“You must find Edinburgh quite different from your little country village.”
Jamie admitted that he did and that he was quite fascinated by the city.
“Mr. North is doing a thesis on the city,” I said. “It means delving into history.”
“Very interesting,” said my father. “And you were brought up in the manse and your parents are still there?” he went on.
Jamie confirmed this. It was all very stiff and stilted.
Zillah, of course, introduced a light note into the evening and I was glad of her help.
She talked about Venice and Paris, to neither of which places Jamie or I had ever been; but she was so pleasant to him and did her best to make him feel that he was a welcome guest, which softened the ordeal to which my father appeared to be subjecting him.
I knew it was more serious than it appeared to be and that my father was very disapproving of the acquaintance.
He would be thinking that it was very remiss of me to talk to a stranger in the street. I suppose if one had lost one’s way there might be some excuse for doing so; but the proper procedure after that would have been for the rescuer to have taken me back to my home and called the next day to enquire how I was. Then it would have been for my family to decide whether he was worthy to be invited to the house to resume his acquaintance with me.