“You can stay with me,” he said. “Give me some time.”
“No. I will not stay. I came to get you, Eric, damn it, I came to bring you home because I was afraid for you. But I will not stay here with you!”
She shouted so rarely-that had always been his job, a self-appointed task, of course-that this outburst stunned him silent. After a moment, he nodded and held his hands up, palms out.
“Trust me, Claire, there’s nobody more concerned than me. I’m the one who’s going through it. But I’m also trying very hard not to panic. So can you back me on that? Can we throttle down on the planning and wait to see what tomorrow brings?”
“How long, though, Eric? How much time do we give it?”
It was a frighteningly familiar question to hear issued in her voice. One that had been offered in response to so many of his explanations and rationalizations over the past two years. He’d work again, he just needed time. He’d write a screenplay, he just needed a while to think of the idea. He’d be in a good mood again, he just needed a few days to get through this bad spell… How long, Eric? How much time?
“Let’s talk it out in the morning,” he said. “Let’s see where we are then, okay? We’ll get some sleep, and then see where we are.”
She nodded. It was a grudging, fatigued gesture. Like she was going along with somebody else’s practical joke even though she understood she was the target, even though she’d seen the joke before and knew it wasn’t a damn bit funny.
He walked toward the bed. He wanted to reach for her, wanted to push her down onto that soft mattress and cover her body with his own, but instead he picked up one of the pillows and stepped away.
“What are you doing?” she said.
“I’ll crash on the floor. You should have the bed.”
She gave a sad laugh and shook her head. “I’m sure we can sleep in the same bed without touching each other. In fact, I thought it was an art we’d perfected by now.”
He didn’t respond to that, just turned off the light. He heard two soft thumps as she kicked her shoes off, and then she slid back on the bed and stretched out and put her head on a pillow. He crawled stiffly in on the other side and lay on his back beside her, no part of them touching.
It was quiet for a while, and then he said, “Thank you for coming.”
When she answered, her voice sounded choked, and all she said was, “Oh, Eric.”
The rain let up sometime after midnight and the clouds thinned, showed the moon again. Josiah left his position by the old barn and paced the woods, waiting. Every now and then he checked the cell phone to see if there was a signal. It claimed there was, but he was surprised Danny hadn’t called yet. Surprised there’d been no word.
He went through a bottle of water, rinsing and spitting with it more than drinking, still unable to rid himself of the odd tobacco taste that had taken to his mouth. It wasn’t an unpleasant taste, though. Matter of fact, he was growing to like it.
He wondered what the scene was like down at the hotel. Must be taking a while if Danny hadn’t reported back in yet. Would the cops stay down there to talk to Shaw or haul him off to the police station? Couldn’t arrest him for anything, but maybe they’d bring him in for questioning. Maybe he already had been in for questioning, if Lucas Bradford was so convinced he’d done Josiah’s killing. It was a strange circumstance, no question, and one that begged for exploitation.
By one-thirty his enthusiasm was gone. There should have been word by now. Josiah called, fearing the lack of answer that would tell him Danny had run into trouble and Josiah was now in this thing without any help at all.
Danny answered, though. Said, “Josiah? That you?” in a hushed voice.
“Yes, it’s me, but if you’re not sure, then don’t use my damn name when you answer the phone, you jackass. What if it had been a cop?”
“Sorry.”
“Why in the hell haven’t you called? What’s going on with the police?”
“Haven’t been any police.”
“What?”
“Not a one, Josiah. I’m parked where I can see the back of the hotel and the front drive, and there’s not been a cop car up here yet.”
More than an hour had passed since he’d hung up with Lucas Bradford. If the man were going to call the police, he’d have done it by now. This was both surprising and encouraging. Whatever had kept Lucas from phoning the police once probably would again. Now it was just a matter of getting his sorry ass engaged in conversation, keeping the son of a bitch from hanging up on Josiah and acting like he could avoid the hell storm that was headed into his life.
“Josiah? You there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. Just thinking.”
“Well, there ain’t been cops. But somebody else might’ve come to see Shaw.”
“Who?”
“A woman. See, I got a place where I can look down at his car, that Acura. Well not fifteen minutes ago this woman drives up real slow through the parking lot, like she’s looking for a car. Then she pulls in and parks right by his. When she got out, she put her hand on the hood. Like she wanted to see if it was warm, if it had been driven.”
“Could be a coincidence.”
“Could be. But the car has Illinois plates.”
No coincidence. The woman had come to see him, a woman from Illinois.
When my wife hired you…
“Oh, Lucas,” Josiah breathed. “You dumb bastard, you’re in trouble now.”
46
HE LAY IN THE DARK in bed with his wife of fourteen years and he could not sleep. They had not spoken in more than an hour now. He was no longer sure if she was awake. Her chest rose and fell slowly as if in sleep but there was a rigidity to her body that suggested she was not.
Six weeks since he’d last seen her. And then it had been tense and angry, as was always the case since they’d separated. Since he’d moved out of the home they shared, moved out because she dared to question the indulgence of self-pity that he was still riding after two years.
You are a child, Eric thought, a petulant boy, not a man. And still she is here now. Still she came for you.
He wasn’t surprised either. Despite everything that had happened, he’d believed she would be there when he needed her. She’d gotten into the car and driven six hours through the night, and that very act defined the question he’d never been able to answer, one that had been in his head for years-why was she still with him?
He understood the possibilities she’d originally seen; theirs had been a truly passionate romance from the start, and the future they had planned to share was full of promise. Had been, at least, until his failure.
And that was it-failure-no other word applied, though Claire had sure as hell tried plenty of them out. There’d been talk of obstacles, setbacks, hindrances, delays, tests, interruptions, and holdups, but never talk of the one cold truth. Eric had failed. Had gone out to California expecting to be directing films within a few years, expecting to be a figure of fame and acclaim soon after that. It hadn’t happened. The goal had been clear, the results equally so, and the verdict couldn’t be argued: failure.
It was in her calm acceptance of that, in her unyielding patience, that Eric’s frustration grew. Don’t you get it? he’d wanted to scream at her, it’s over. I didn’t make it. What are you still doing here? Why haven’t you left?
He’d never have blamed her. Hell, he was expecting it. After the broken dreams in California, followed by the two-year tantrum in Chicago, how had she not left him? It was the right thing to do, so he’d waited for her to go, waited and waited and still she was there, so finally he’d left himself. It had to happen. The circle had to be completed, the whole package of Eric’s once-bright future, professional and personal, had to be sealed and stamped with one bold black word: FAILED.