“Of course. But we do know one thing, that such a system is unstable and can only exist if it has a constant supply of energy. I know that from Sartorius. The energy creates a warped stabilizing field. The question is, is that field external or is its source located inside the guest’s body? You get the difference?”
“Yes,” I said slowly. “If it’s external, then she… then such a…”
“Then when the system becomes separated from Solaris it will fall apart,” he finished for me. “We can’t predict it, though you already conducted an experiment. The rocket you sent up… it’s still orbiting, you know. In a spare moment I even calculated its path. You could fly up into orbit and check what happened with the… passenger…”
“Are you mad!” I hissed.
“You think so? Well… what if… we brought it back down here, the rocket? That can be done. It’s controlled remotely. We’ll guide it out of its orbit and…”
“Enough!”
“Not that either? Then there’s one other way, a very simple one. It wouldn’t have to land at the Station. It could stay in orbit. We could simply make radio contact… if she’s alive she’ll say something and…”
“The oxygen will’ve run out there long ago!” I stammered.
“Maybe she doesn’t need oxygen. Shall we try?”
“Snaut… Snaut…”
“Kelvin… Kelvin…” he mimicked, angry. “Think about what kind of person you are. Who are you trying to make happy here? Or save? Yourself? Her? Which one? This one or the other one? Do you lack the courage to save both of them? You see yourself where this leads! I’m telling you for the last time: this, here, this is a situation beyond morality.”
All at once I heard the same scratching sound as before, as if someone were scraping their fingernails down the wall. I don’t know why I was overcome by a kind of passive, miry calm. It was as if I were looking at the whole situation, the two of us, everything, from a great distance, through the wrong end of a telescope. It was all tiny, rather funny, of little consequence.
“All right then,” I said. “So according to you what should I do? Get rid of her? Then tomorrow another one just like her will appear, right? And again? And like that day after day? For how long? What for? What will that give me? Or you? Or Sartorius? Or the Station?”
“No, you answer me first. You’ll take off with her and, let’s say, you’ll witness the following transformation. In a few minutes you’ll see before you—”
“What?” I said sneeringly. “A monster? A demon? Hm?”
“No. Ordinary, the most ordinary, death throes. Have you already come to believe they’re immortal? Let me assure you, they die… What will you do then? Will you come back for… a copy?”
“Stop it!!” I roared, clenching my fists. He gazed at me with an expression of indulgent mockery in his narrowed eyes.
“Oh, I’m the one who should stop? You know something, if I were you I’d give this conversation a rest. Find something else to do instead. You could go and give the ocean a good whipping, for example, to teach it a lesson. What is your problem? If you—” he made a playful gesture of farewell with his hand, at the same time raising his eyes slowly towards the ceiling as if following a receding figure—“then you’ll be the bad guy? And otherwise you won’t? Smile when you feel like howling, act happy and composed when you want to gnaw your knuckles — then you won’t be a bad guy? What if it’s impossible not to be, in this place? What then? You’ll rage in front of Snaut, who’s responsible for everything, huh? Then on top of everything else you’re an idiot, my friend…”
“You’re talking about yourself,” I said, my head lowered. “I… I love her.”
“Who? Your memory.”
“No. Her. I told you what she tried to do. There’s many a… real person wouldn’t do that.”
“You admit it yourself when you say—”
“Don’t catch me in my words.”
“All right. So she loves you. And you want to love her. That’s not the same thing.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Kelvin, I’m sorry, but you’re the one who brought up your private affairs. You don’t love her. You do love her. She’s prepared to give up her life. You, too. It’s all very moving, very beautiful, sublime, whatever. But there’s no room for any of that here. No room. Understand? No, you don’t want to understand. You refuse to understand. Forces beyond our control have involved you in a cyclical process of which she is a part. A phase. A repeating rhythm. If she were… if you were being pursued by something hideous that was prepared to do anything for you, you’d not hesitate to get rid of it. Right?”
“Right.”
“Then, then maybe that’s exactly why she isn’t hideous! Does that tie your hands? That’s what it’s about, that your hands should be tied!”
“One more hypothesis to add to the million others in the library. Come off it, Snaut, she’s… no. I don’t want to talk about this with you.”
“All right. You started it. But just remember she’s basically a mirror reflecting part of your brain. If she’s wonderful, it’s because your memories are wonderful. You provided the recipe. A cyclical process, don’t forget!”
“So what do you want from me? You want me… you want me to get rid of her? I already asked you: why should I do that? You didn’t answer.”
“Then I’ll answer you now. I didn’t ask for this conversation. I didn’t go poking around in your business. I’m not ordering or forbidding you to do anything, and I wouldn’t even if I could. It was you, you came here and laid everything out, and do you know why? No? So as to get it off your chest. Dump it on someone else. I know that burden, my friend! That’s right, don’t interrupt! I’m not standing in your way at all, but you, you want me to stand in your way. If I presented obstacles, maybe you’d smash my head in, but then at least you’d be dealing with me, with someone made of the same flesh and blood as yourself, and you’d feel human too. But this way… you can’t handle it and that’s why you’re having this discussion with me… and in fact with yourself! You forgot to mention you’d double up in pain if she were to suddenly vanish. No, don’t say any more…”
“You’ve got a nerve! Out of simple loyalty I came to let you know that I intend to leave the Station with her,” I said, repulsing his attack, though it sounded unconvincing even to me. Snaut shrugged.
“It’s quite possible you need to stick to that story. If I said anything at all in this business, it’s only because you’re rising higher and higher, and a fall from high up, as I’m sure you understand… Come up to Sartorius’s tomorrow morning around nine… Will you?”
“To Sartorius’s?” I replied in surprise. “He doesn’t let anyone in; you said he can’t even be reached on the phone.”
“He’s gotten it together now somehow or other. We don’t talk about it, you know. You’re… that’s a whole other matter. Well, never mind that. You’ll come tomorrow?”
“I will,” I murmured. I stared at Snaut. His left hand was hidden as if by chance behind the door of a locker. When had it opened? It must have been some time ago, except that in the heat of the conversation, which I’d found so onerous, I’d not paid any attention to it. It looked so unnatural… as if… he were hiding something there. Or as if someone had a hold of his hand. I moistened my lips.
“Snaut, what is it?”
“Go now,” he said quietly and very calmly. “Go.”
I went, closing the door behind me in the remains of the red glow. Harey was sitting on the floor ten yards away, right by the wall. She jumped up when she saw me.
“You see…?” she said, looking at me with shining eyes. “It worked, Kris. I’m so pleased. Perhaps… Perhaps it’ll get better and better…”