“I came to see how you are doing, Sergeant,” Diana said as she approached.
“Just relaxing and enjoying the evening,” he replied. At that moment he felt incredibly awkward. She sat down on the fallen tree next to him, his eyes still fixed on the current. His breathing was shaky and he could not for the life of him figure out why he was so nervous around her.
“You’re quite the fascinating one,” Diana continued. “You are a legionary from the ranks, but yet you appear to be as well educated as any patrician.”
“My father is a teacher,” Artorius explained, trying to regain control over his wavering voice. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was now or never, he reasoned. He forced a coy grin and turned to face her, placing his hand on hers.
“I cannot help but wonder,” he said, “how is it that someone so beautiful is devoid of a husband?” Diana’s face darkened, her temper soaring. She smacked his hand away.
“How dare you ask me such a wicked thing!” she snapped standing up and turning to face him, her face red with anger. Artorius was beside himself and struggled to find the right words.
“My Lady, I am sorry; my intent was not to offend.”
“Well offend me you have, Sergeant,” Diana hissed. Artorius winced as she placed emphasis on his rank, driving the social wedge further between them. He was surprised that she did not storm off; rather she continued her diatribe. “Do you not know why I am alone; why the only use anyone has for me is to housesit an estate in the middle of fucking Gaul; of my failures to my family and to Rome?”
“My Lady please forgive me; you are no failure…” his words were cut short as he tried to stand, a blinding pain causing his leg to spasm. His face twisted in pain as he fell back onto his seat. Diana swallowed hard, regretting her outburst. She took a deep breath through her nose before continuing.
“It is the duty of every Roman woman to help her family to pass on their line,” she began. “I was married once, for a very brief time. It was a good match, and both our families looked to benefit greatly. It was soon after this that I failed in my role as a wife and Roman patrician. I am afflicted with a curse; a curse that the Fates have not allowed me to bear a child. No line can continue from my body, and I am of no use to any man. Every day I pray that my sister Claudia is not cursed as well.”
“I am sorry to hear that,” Artorius said, trying to console her. “I do not think you are cursed.” Diana pretended not to hear him.
“Proculus is but a second cousin to me, and yet he took pity on me. I am tired of everyone’s pity. He asked me to manage his Gallic estate while his wife is in Rome. That is what I’ve become; no better than a mere housekeeper, and yet I failed in that charge as well…” Her voice trailed off as she fought to control her emotions.
“You were facing one hundred armed men!” Artorius retorted. “What were you supposed to do, fight them off by yourself?”
“It matters not,” Diana replied her voice quiet, eyes lowered and arms folded across her chest. Artorius forced himself to his feet and took a step towards her.
“Well I don’t see you as afflicted,” he said. She raised her eyes and glared at him. The anger and hurt they conveyed was unnerving, but still he persisted. “It is not like you consciously asked to be this way. And besides, there are those who still care for you, regardless of your ability to bear children.” Diana looked at the ground once more and slowly shook her head.
“I see you still have much to learn,” she stated, her voice calm once more. To Artorius it was as cold as ice. “The idealism you frontier soldiers have the privilege of enjoying has little role in Roman society. You’ve become too detached by living amongst barbarians that you start to take on some of their values and beliefs.”
“And are all of those beliefs bad?” Artorius asked. “I learned a lesson not too long ago; and it was most painful for me. I learned that when you love someone you do not wait for politics to dictate whether it is right or not, nor do you brush it off as meaningless. Like you, I have suffered loss; a loss that still haunts me with regret to this day. Do not allow what happened to me happen to you. I allowed she who loved me to be taken away. The Fates cursed us for it…” He slowly sat down as Diana continued to stand in silence. “You can avoid this fate, you know; if you will only allow me to help you…”
“I’m sorry, but you cannot help me,” she said quietly, her eyes fixated on the slow-moving current. “And I do not want your help!” Immediately she regretted her words, for they were not true. She just could not bring herself to show her affections towards him, as desperately as she wanted to.
“You’re right,” he replied, forcing himself to his feet in resignation. Artorius turned and limped away and it was not just his leg that hurt him.
Diana was taken aback by his words, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted in surprise. She sat with her head in her hands, a feeling of hopelessness overcoming her. It was then that she remembered her promise to Kiana. It was a far greater thing that the young girl had forgiven Artorius and found redemption before her untimely death than it was for Diana to simply open her heart to him.
Suddenly she was tired; tired of being afraid, tired of being alone, tired of feeling like the constant failure in life. In that moment she let go of the bonds that held her soul captive.
It was an unfamiliar feeling for Artorius; one that he thought only existed in story books for children and spineless poets. His attraction for Diana went far beyond the physical, even though he found her to be more attractive than any woman he had ever known. No, this was something different, and it troubled him. Was this what his father felt for Juliana, or what Metellus had felt for Rowana? And was it what he may have felt for Camilla at one time? He certainly had his regrets about Camilla, but this feeling was not the same as what he had felt for her. There was a bond of sorts that he felt with Diana; an emotional bond that drew him to her. He knew this was a complete waste because there was no way she could ever have similar feelings for him. Certainly she probably had affection for him because he did save her life, but that was all. Diana kept an emotional barrier up that she allowed no one to get past, let alone a plebian soldier.
Artorius’ heart ached worse than his leg as he sat down on a rock that overlooked another part of the stream. This part was unfamiliar to him; there was a small waterfall that he fixed his gaze on while a pair of rabbits scampered through the tall grass on the far side. He let out a deep sigh as he looked out into the setting sun that had fallen behind the hills. He shivered slightly as darkness fell on him. He heard the rustle in the grass behind him and the snap of twigs. He turned to see Diana standing behind him, her hands folded and a sad smile on her face.
“My Lady,” he said turning his eyes back towards the running waterfall. As Diana slowly walked towards him, he closed his eyes and listened intently to the sound of her breathing, which was shaky. She knelt behind him, her arms trembling as she wrapped them around his shoulders and clasped her hands across his chest. He felt her breath on his neck and ear as she rested her head on his shoulder.
“Artorius, I am so sorry,” she whispered, causing him to shudder. It was the first time she had ever used his given name. Without thinking, he turned and kissed her. She did not pull away; instead she kissed him back while he took her in his arms. It was impossible to comprehend what they were doing, but yet there it was. They continued to kiss for some time, and as they did Artorius’ emotions soared. He caressed her back while she stroked the back of his head and sides of his face and neck. Diana continued to kiss him as she pulled him to his feet. He barely even noticed the pain in his leg. They held hands as they found their way through the woods and onto the road that led back to the estate. He used his crutch to support his injured leg while Diana held his other hand close; the fingers of her free hand gently caressing his arm. He trembled at how good it felt for he was a stranger to such affection and intimacy.